Runtime: 88 minutes
Release Date: March 1, 2013
Rating: PG-13
Director: Ed Glass-Donnelly
Remember Nell, that bat shit crazy
girl from The Last Exorcism? Well, now she's back. She somehow
managed to escape the events from the first film, and some random
people discover her crazy ass. The movie then cuts to a few months
later and lets us see her new life. She now has a job and a place to
live, and she even finds herself interested in possibly dating
someone.
Naturally, the demon inside her
probably doesn't want her to have a life without him. She starts
having weird dreams and seeing strange things during the day and
night. The more she tries to escape her past, the more she questions
what happened to her. Despite wanting to move on with her life, it
doesn't take long before Nell discovers that her old life isn't ready
to let her go.
That line up at the top doesn't
indicate any quotes from the movies but rather my own opinion. When I
heard they were making a sequel to The Last Exorcism, I had to ask
why. Are there really that many people who liked the first movie? It
was one of those horror movies that left me feeling pissed off and
wishing that people would stop making crappy horror flicks. The only
redeeming thing about that was seeing the former Professor Lasky from
Saved By the Bell: The College Years Acting again. Surprisingly
enough, that movie still has a fairly good rating of 5.6 on IMDB.
The Last Exorcism 2 was just plain
bad and so bad that it made the first movie look like a piece of art.
The movie was just so dull and bland. Just a few hours after watching
it, I couldn't remember any of the main points of the film or even
what really happened, and my roommate remains convinced that we never
even watched it because he doesn't remember a single thing about it.
Looking for someone completely forgettable? Watch The Last Exorcism
2!
Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: April 25, 2003
Rating: R
Director: James Mangold
Malcolm Rivers is bat shit crazy,
which explains why the serial killer is sitting in a room on a dark
and stormy night. After introducing us to this character, the movie
jumps to the middle of nowhere. A group of people, including Ed, a
former police officer played by John Cusack, Samuel, a cop
transporting a prisoner, a prostitute on the run, a young married
couple, a famous actress, and a married couple with their young son,
all find themselves stuck in a motel run by the unbelievably sexy
John Hawkes.
As the rain falls down around them,
they realize that they can't go anywhere for the night, which
complicates things given that one of the group is near death after
being hit by Ed's limousine. When the actress goes missing, they
discover that a room key was left behind with her clothing. The group
also learns that they all share the same birthday, but it doesn't
take long before they discover that there is something else darker
happening and that they might not all make it through the night.
I love, love, love Identity. While
flipping through Netflix one night and learning that my roommate
never saw it, I instantly put it on and made him sit down and watch
the movie that same night. It's one of the few movies that I bought
brand new when it first came out and without hearing a lot about it
just because of Cusack. Sadly, Cusack isn't his best here. He pales
in comparison to most of the other actors, including Amanda Peet.
Though I'm not a fan of her work, she does a great job as a hooker
with a heart of gold who just wants something more out of her life.
Identity also has a number of
twists and turns that make you actually sit down and focus on the
movie. Just when you think you know what's going on, you learn that
you were wrong. It twists the identity of the killer, the people in
the film, and even who the characters are, and it has one of the best
and most talented casts in horror films. John Hawkes, who I obviously
have quite the crush on, always plays those weird and quirky and
sometimes smarmy characters, and he does it best here.
If for some strange reason you
still haven't seen Identity, go watch it on Netflix. Seriously, go
watch it right now. I'll wait.
Runtime: 88 minutes
Release Date: March 26, 2009
Rating: R
Director: Susan Montford
Della is the type of housewife that
you see a dozen times a day and don't think twice about. She can't
really handle her children, who seem to run all over her, and she
definitely can't handle her abusive husband Kenneth. After yet
another fight with him, she decides to go the nearby shopping mall
and pick up some things for Christmas. After seeing a car taking up
two spots in the crowded parking lot, she leaves a nasty note.
Later, Della comes back to her car
and sees the car from before pulling up behind her. In a stupid move,
she hops out of her car and confronts the men inside, whom threaten
to rape and murder her. When a security guard tries to help, they
shoot and kill him. Della races away, but they follow her. After a
car accident forces her from her car, she finds herself on the run in
the woods with the young men hot on her tail.
I saw a trailer for While She Was
Out a few years ago, but I never heard anything about a release date.
It was a nice surprise to see the movie sitting on the shelf at my
local rental place with a rental price of 50 cents. The movie itself
isn't bad and it's even entertaining at times, but it was one of
those movies where I spent more time screaming at the television than
paying attention to the movie.
It starts with Della leaving the
note on the car. We already know that she's doormat and that everyone
walks all over her, so why would she feel the need to act out at that
moment? Then, when the car comes back, she decides to get out and
actually talk to them. Why would she do that? If some random car
pulls up next to me in a deserted parking lot, I am taking off as
fast as possible. I'm sure as hell not coming out and asking what
their deal is. The movie establishes her as a docile doormat, but she
suddenly becomes a big and strong woman.
While She Was Out asks viewers to
suspend belief for awhile, but it finally gets to the point where you
just can't do it anymore. If the movie gave us any reason to show
Della's strength, we would understand her motivations. She doesn't
think about her children or her husband, and she never explains why
she suddenly decides to stand up for herself or where her strength
comes from. She just goes from a blank character to a strong
character. I can understand that the director wants to show the
change that Della goes through, but it seems to happen a little too
fast. I wanted to see just a little more character development in
this one.
Runtime: 93 minutes
Release Date: February 10, 2006
Rating: R
Director: James Wong
Wendy is spending Senior Night at
an amusement park with her best friend, boyfriend, and her
boyfriend's best friend Kevin. Kevin is also dating her best friend
and plans to propose, not knowing that she wants to dump him. When it
comes time to ride the big roller coaster in the park, Wendy and
Kevin end up stuck together in the back. The roller coaster goes off
the tracks, and she sees everyone die before flashing back and
realizing that it was just a premonition.
Wendy instantly wants off, and she
tries to get others to follow. A few people willingly give up their
seats, while others get thrown off because of a fight. Her boyfriend,
best friend, and everyone else dies on the roller coaster. Like all
of the other Final Destination movies, death comes after each person
who should have died that day on the coaster. Kevin is the only one
who believes her, and everyone else thinks that she's crazy even as
she goes out of her way to save their lives.
I said before that the Final
Destination movies are my favorite horror movie franchise, but this
one isn't as good as the earlier films. For every good death in the
film, there's another that doesn't seem nearly as good. We get two
vapid girls trapped in a tanning booth as a fire breaks out that
literally melts them, but then we get a guy smashed in a gym. We also
have a random death of a person killed when a post goes through her
body, but the movie doesn't even establish her as a character. The
other films did a good job of making us care about the different
characters and become involved in their stories, but this one just
wants us to focus on the deaths.
Wendy eventually learns that her
little sister should have died on the roller coaster, but even that
storyline seems forced. We constantly see the two of them fighting
and Julie acting like a spoiled brat. She only cares about herself,
wants her sister to do things for her, and doesn't seem to even care
that her sister just lost her best friend and boyfriend. By the time
we learn she was on the coaster, I wanted to see her die. Instead, we
see one of her friend's die, and that character only appeared maybe
twice before that scene.
Had Final Destination actually
spent some time on character development, I think it would have been
a stronger movie. Despite that, the movie did make me look twice
every time I see a tanning salon...
Runtime: 95 minutes
Release Date: August 15, 2013
Rating: PG-13
Director: Jeff Chamberlain
Sharon and her friends are ready
for their next Halloween party. I really only bothered to learn her
name because all of the characters are pretty one dimensional.
There's a guy studying medicine who doesn't seem to know anything
about medicine, a stereotypical football player, Sharon's best friend
and roommate, plus a random Indian guy named Ethan. They decide that
instead of spending Halloween at yet another party, they'll head into
a haunted abandoned mine.
Naturally, the mine is actually
haunted and not just some weird joke or urban legend passed around
town. They head deeper into the mine, and someone cuts their rope,
leaving them stranded inside. Since they didn't tell anyone where
they were going, they have to go even deeper into the mine in hopes
of finding a way out. They don't realize that someone wants them all
dead until they start getting separated one by one.
Despite a runtime of just 95
minutes, Abandoned Mine feels like a much longer movie. It's like the
director decided that he needed to add more to the movie, so he went
back in and shot stuff that just doesn't fit. Sharon and her roommate
go through an endless montage that involves them dressing up in
different costumes, looking in the mirror, and dancing around the
room. This seriously takes up at least three minutes of the movie.
They then decide on costumes, we see them getting ready in the
mirror, and then the movie picks up with them in completely different
costumes. What the heck? We literally just saw them getting ready in
different outfits!
While I wasn't a huge fan of the
movie, I did enjoy the little twist that comes later in the film.
There are actually two twists towards the end. I don't want to ruin
it for anyone, but we learn that the ghosts might not actually exist
and that it might be a human messing with them, only to find out that
maybe the ghosts really do exist after all. I realize that doesn't
make sense if you haven't seen the movie, but it's hard to explain
the twist without ruining anything.
Abandoned Mine served as a nice
distraction for an hour and a half, but I don't think I would sit
down and watch it again. I've read reviews that call it a modern
example of a classic horror flick. I wouldn't go that far either.
There was just something about the movie that seemed lacking to me.
It had an interesting premise, but there are much better films about
haunted mines and people trapped in tight confines.
Runtime: 101 minutes
Release Date: November 22, 1978
Rating: NR
Director: Meir Zarchi
Jennifer wants nothing more than to
spend some time in the country to focus on her writing and work on
her book. After renting a house in the woods, she makes the "mistake"
of actually talking to men and letting one stop by her house to drop
off some groceries instead of keeping to herself and being barefoot
and pregnant. The men also think she wants them because she has the
"audacity" to sit inside her own yard in a bikini, wear a
bikini on the water, and talk to them in town.
One day, four of those men decide
to make her wish she never came to their town. They confront her in
the woods, brutally rape her, and let her walk away. After she
wanders through the woods for hours, they come out of the shadows and
do it all over again. Jennifer finally escapes and makes it home,
only for the men to come out and rape her again. They finally leave
for good, but send their mentally challenged friend back to kill her.
He chickens out and tells them he did the deed.
Jennifer recovers from the rapes
and beatings long enough to think about how she can enact her revenge
on those men. She lets them know that she's still alive, which leads
to them beating the snot out of their friend. She then lures that man
back to her cabin, where she has sex with him before strangling him
and hanging him from a tree. Jennifer then takes the time to slowly
dispatch of each man in a new and horrifying way.
I Spit On Your Grave is one of
those films that you watch once and never forget, but in my case, you
watch it once and remember it as much harsher than it actually was. A
friend watched the remake, and when he mentioned that he never saw
the original, we decided to sit down and watch it recently. I kept
talking about how dark and disturbing the movie was, so much so that
I only ever watched it once before. It somehow went down a little
smoother the second time.
Watching the movie for a second
time, I couldn't help wanting to see his reaction at some of the
death scenes. While he squirmed during the penis-capitation scene in
the bathtub, he didn't find anything else very dark. That led me to
wonder why I remembered the deaths as so dark and intense. One man
gets an ax to the back and another gets a boat engine on him, but the
film doesn't really show anything too dark. In today's world, we
don't have a problem showing someone's penis laying on the table or
at the bottom of the ocean, but I Spit On Your Grave asked you to use
your imagination. When we see the blood spurting around the bathroom,
that's all you need to see.
The rape scenes in this movie
really left a lasting impression on me. As soon as I knew those
scenes were coming up, I found excuses to get up and walk to the
bathroom or grab something out of the kitchen. Camille Keaton really
sells her part well. When Jennifer locks the bathroom door on the
man, walks downstairs, and sits down while listening to the man's
screams, you can't help but feel something for her.
I can see kids today watching this
movie and rolling their eyes, but for true horror fans, it's
something that they can't miss. While the death scenes weren't as
dark as those scenes were in my head, I Spit On Your Grave is still a
dark film that leaves me feeling unsettled.
Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: January 31, 2002
Rating: R
Director: David R. Ellis
Kimberly (A.J. Cook, Ripper) is a
college kid ready to enjoy spring break with her friends. After
talking to her father, she climbs in a car with her best female
friend and two male friends. They stop just before getting on the
highway, and she flips the radio from a report on Flight 180 to
music. When they finally get on the highway, a truck carrying logs
crashes on the road, leading to a massive wreck that leaves everyone
dead. Kimberly then looks up and realizes that they're not yet on the
highway and that she had a premonition. When she blocks the road, a
local sheriff named Thomas hops out of his car to talk to her. They
see the car wreck happen from the safety of the road, but the cop
saves her life before the wreck takes the lives of her friends.
Like with all the Final Destination
movies, death decides to come back for those who escaped. After
researching premonitions online, Kimberly learns that Alex and Carter
from the first film died. Though Clear survived, she checked herself
into a mental institution and plans to stay there for the rest of her
life. She and Thomas go to see Clear, who warns them of death's
design. Fearing they didn't believe her, she checks herself out and
follows them, arriving in time to warn them to look out for future
premonitions and to warn the others that death is coming.
Final Destination 2 decided to
increase the gore of the first film, which is something that every
other film tried to do. Instead of something simple like a hanging,
this film makes sure that everyone dies in the worst way possible. We
get a teenage boy crushed like jelly by a piece of glass falling on
his head, a paramedic shaking a car with the jaws of life which
causes a log to go through a woman's body, a woman decapitated by an
elevator door, and a man ripped into pieces by a flying wire fence,
and that doesn't even include the explosion that occurs towards the
end of the film.
This all leads me to a painful
conclusion: Final Destination 2 is even better than the original. We
get the hunky Michael Landes (who I always remember from either
Special Unit 2 or Lois and Clark) popping up as a cop who not only
believes in premonitions but actually tries to help, and we get the
adorable Keegan Connor Tracy turning up as a bitchy city girl. We
even have A.J. Cook taking over the lead role. If you haven't seen
Ripper yet, do it now.
Final Destination 2 didn't really
need to make a connection to the first film, but it makes that
connection in a fairly realistic way. We learn that death wants these
people not just because they escaped the highway crash, but because
they each escaped death once before. Each character survived a deadly
situation before because of Flight 180. One woman missed dying in a
gas leak because she didn't arrive at her hotel due to hitting Terry
in the first movie, and someone else avoided death because he helped
clean up Billy's body from the train death.
While I don't watch the second
movie as much as I watch the first one, after seeing Final
Destination 2 again recently, I might start watching it a little
more.
