The Gallows Movie Review – A Little Disappointing

Runtime: 81 minutes

Release Date: July 10, 2015

Rating: R

Director: Travis Cluff & Chris Lofing

In 1993, the students of Beatrice High School presented a play called The Gallows. When the film of the same name opens, we see a crucial moment in the play where one young man gets hanged. Something goes wrong, and he actually hangs and dies for real.

Twenty years after the events of that night, the same high school decides to stage the production once again. Only this time, popular guy Reese is one of the main actors. Reese is a pretty boy and a jock, which leads to his friends picking on him and teasing him for hanging out with the unpopular kids. One of those boys, Ryan, convinces him that they should sneak into the school and vandalize the set.

When they visit the school later that night, they bring along Ryan's equally popular girlfriend Cassie. They then run into Pfeifer, one of the actresses in the play and a girl who Reese actually likes. Though they initially have fun together. Pfeifer gets upset when she finds out why they actually came to the school. After calming down, the group discovers that they are trapped inside the school, that their phones don't work, and that there is someone with them who is unhappy with their presence.

The first time I saw a trailer for The Gallows, I though it looked like a great movie. I can't say the same thing after actually watching the movie. It has a lack of scary moments and comes across as just another horror film meant to capitalize on teens who will watch anything. It's probably the most disappointing movie that I watched this Halloween season, mainly because I really wanted to see it and thought it looked so great.

Probably the best scene in the movie is the same one that was in the trailer. It involves Cassidy sitting alone in a dark hallway crying and freaking out. As she keeps looking down and staring at the floor, she doesn't see the man approaching her from the back with a noose in his hand. Even though I saw it a few dozen times when it appeared in the trailer, it actually did have a creepy feel that I liked.

The rest of the movie was just kind of meh. What else can you say about a movie that features all the same teen stereotype characters? We have the jock who likes a girl from the less popular side of the school, a jock rich kid, his cheerleader girlfriend, and of course the drama girl who has a secret. The best thing about those characters is that we can at least look forward to seeing a few of them die.

The end of The Gallows was something I found confusing. Stop reading for spoilers. It turns out that Pfeifer is actually the daughter of Charlie and his high school girlfriend. The cops go to her house and find her with her mom before Charlie attacks. Was Charlie really did or did he fake his death? While it seems like he did, the guy in the later years is clearly larger and taller than the high school boy. I'm not sure what we're supposed to believe. All I know is that The Gallows was extremely disappointing.

The Mooring – Too Many Teenage Girls!

Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: February 19, 2013
Rating: R
Director: Glenn Withrow


The Mooring opens on a family camping in the woods. A man suddenly emerges from the forest, grabs the teenage daughter of the family, and drags her away without anyone noticing. He then tosses her in a cabinet on his boat and seemingly takes off.


Ten years later, a woman named Nancy leads a retreat for teenage girls addicted to technology. One of the girls ran up a $2,000+ cell phone bill because of her texting, while another girl caused a six car accident because she was talking on her phone. Nancy wants them to learn that they can lead healthy lives without involving technology. After the girls sneak into her office and use the computer, she decides to take them on a retreat into the woods.


While giving them activities to do on the boat, she notices that there's something wrong with the engine but she keeps it a secret from the girls. Once they arrive on a secluded island, they spend some more time talking and having fun together before another boat arrives. They hear a couple talking, and when one of the girls yells at him, he calls her a bitch and flashes his spotlight at them. Nancy diffuses the situation and puts the girls to bed.


The next day, she decides to take the boat back herself for repairs and come back for them later. Smart, right? Before she can do anything, Mickey, the female half of the couple comes over for a talk. She apologizes for the night before, asks if they have coffee, and then abruptly leaves when her boyfriend calls for her.


Nancy finally sets off in the boat, but only after she makes sure that Mickey and the other boat left. She doesn't get very far before the engine dies, but Mickey and her boyfriend Richard are right behind her. Mickey offers to tow the boat to shore, and Nancy reluctantly agrees. As the girls attempt to have fun without her, the other boat shows up. Richard shows them that he has Nancy and that he tied an anchor to her feet and duct taped her hands and mouth. He then tosses her in the water before letting them know that he's coming after them next.


The Mooring is the film that made my roommate and I agree that if we are ever in a life or death situation, it's perfectly okay to leave the other one behind. Seriously, half the incidents in the movie could have been avoided had the girls focused on saving their own skins. Oh, you finally made it to the boat and can sail away to safety but your one friend who hid in the woods and wouldn't come out when you called her name suddenly needs help? Yeah, leave her ass behind. Oh, one of your friends is unconscious and in a good hiding spot in the woods? Yeah, you better waste time picking her up and dragging her through the woods with a killer stalking you.


The one smart thing the film did is explain who no one has cell phones. I'd guess that in a desolate spot like an island in the middle of a lake wouldn't have cell phone reception anyway, but it does explain that Nancy takes their phones before the trip. They don't explain why Nancy, who is supposedly so responsible, would leave the girls behind though. If I found out that the person I paid a large amount of money too left my daughter on a desolate island after knowing some weird dude was out there, I wouldn't be too happy.


The Mooring perfectly pegs the mind of a teenage girl, which is probably because a teenage girl helped write the screenplay. The problem is that the only people who probably care about the mind of a teenage girl is another teenage girl or possibly a teenage boy. I can see why teens might like the film, but as an adult, it just made me annoyed at how teens act.

"Smiley" Movie Review – I Did it for the LULZ

Rating: R

Length: 90 minutes

Release Date: October 12, 2012

Director: Michael J. Gallagher

Smiley is the current generation's version of Bloody Mary, which is sad because Bloody Mary is awesome and Smiley sucks. The film opens with a young girl learning the story behind the legend. If you video chat with someone and type "I did it for the lulz" three times in a row, Smiley will come out of nowhere and kill the person on screen. After the young girl hears it, her chatter does it and she winds up dead.

We then meet Ashley, a college student who moves in with a girl named Proxy. Proxy is pretty wild and crazy, while Ashley is mellow and a little shy. Proxy convinces her to come to a party and introduces her to a bunch of random guys. They tell her the story of Smiley, which she thinks is lame and just another urban legend. While chatting online with a group of strangers, they decide to cycle through different chat sessions and look at different guys.

They come across a man who flashes them, and they decide that he's their best bet. Ashley types "I did it for the lulz" three times, and Smiley appears on screen before killing the man. Ashley is so freaked out by what happened that she starts thinking she sees him everywhere on campus. She tries asking the police for help and talks to her classmates, but they all think she's playing a prank. Ashley starts getting stalked by the masked figure, leading her to question what is real around her.

I did it for the lulz is one of the stupidest things I've come across in recent years. It reminds me of those stupid acronyms that teens come up with that are supposed to be oh so cool but really just make them sound stupid. Yolo, I'm looking in your direction.

Up until the end, "Smiley" plays as just another teen horror film. The end is what killed it for me. Have you ever seen a movie and after it ended, you felt really pissed off? That's what this one did for me. If you don't want to read any spoilers, you'll want to skip this next section.

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

Ashley comes home and finds a bunch of people wearing Smiley masks in her bedroom. As they approach her with knives to kill her, she decides to jump out the window. They see her dead body on the ground and pull off their masks, revealing them to be her classmates including her roommate. Even the guy she chatted with and "killed" is there. It turns out that they were behind the killings because they wanted to keep the legend going. They also reveal that there are other kids on other campuses doing the same thing.

Why the FUCK would you do that??? What is up with the cattle mentality today? Really, killing people is cool? Some random guy from your school tells you that all the cool kids are killing people today, so you think you should do it too? It doesn't even make sense either! How would they know who people would talk to so they could get there and kill people?

*****END SPOILER*****

So yes, I didn't enjoy "Smiley," and the end made me want to kill someone. It still ticks me off to even think about it, so I don't think I’ll be watching this one again.