Monday, August 27, 2012

Snow Beast Movie Review

Director: Brian Brough
Runtime: 88 minutes
Release Date: 2011
Rating: PG-13

“Snow Beast” is the type of movie that you randomly stumble across on SyFy and can’t look away. I know, because that’s exactly what happened to me. I was sitting around the house, waiting for the boyfriend to get off work and flipping through the channels because I couldn’t handle the thought of Netflix again. Suddenly, there it was and I couldn’t look away. Unfortunately, the boyfriend showed up not long after, but I did manage to sit through the whole thing on Netflix.

Jim (John Schneider, The Dukes of Hazard, Smallville) is a single dad working on a special project for a local college. He and his group study the lynx in a small Canadian town and they need to head up there to check things out. Since his daughter Emmy (Danielle Churchan, “The Cat in the Hat”) is a teenager, he clearly can’t leave her at home and brings her along with his team. Neither Rob (Paul D. Hunt, “Elizabeth’s Gift” nor Marci (Kari Hawker, “Christmas Angel”) are happy, but they go along anyway.

Just before they arrive, a local kid goes missing. Most people in town assume that he just wandered off for a few days, though one cop claims that he probably skipped town to get away from his debts. The head cop Barry (Jason London, “The Rage: Carrie 2”) doesn’t buy that story, so he launches his own investigation.

Naturally Jim’s group get up there and discover that the lynx population is seriously down. They setup all their cameras, and notice that they almost never capture footage of any of the wild cats. It’s almost like something is eating them! They still think there’s a reasonable explanation until they run into the snow beast. The site of a man in a rubber suit makes it clear that there’s no reasonable explanation for this movie.

“Snow Beast” is so bad that we were laughing through the whole movie, even though it’s supposed to be a serious movie. Schneider and London should know better to do something like this. For god’s sake, London was in “Dazed and Confused” one of my favorite all-time movies!

Oddly enough, for a movie set in Canada, not a single person speaks with the slightest bit of an accent. The snow beast itself is so ridiculous that my best friend is convinced that he saw a zipper on the back in one scene. The creature looks like a cross between a yeti and a creature from “Planet of the Apes.”

“Snow Beast” is the type of movie that I usually get a kick out of watching. We have a few laughs and walk away with a few memorable quotes that we can sprinkle into our everyday conversations. With this one, I just wanted it to end.

Some of the scenes are incredibly ridiculous. Emmy hides under a tarp in the back of the truck and practically dry humps a skier before anyone catches her. Why the hell would you take your teenager daughter less than 10 minutes from a popular ski resort and not let her go there at least once? Plus, the snow beast manages to break through a window and drag a woman out of her vehicle by her hair, but is easily shocked by a flare gun.

I wish I could recommend it, since I didn’t pay a dime to watch it, but “Snow Beast” is one of those movies that I would rather just forget.

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