Friday, June 19, 2015

Zombeavers Movie Review - We cannot turn against each other right now. That's exactly what the beavers would want.

Runtime: 85 minutes
Release Date: March 20 2015
Rating: R
Director: Jordan Rubin

Two truck drivers (including one played by John Mayer who I did not recognize until the very end) are driving down the road and not paying attention, which causes them to hit a deer and drop a barrel of toxic waste into the local water supply where beavers live.

Cut to Mary, Zoe, and Jenn arriving at a cabin owned by Mary's cousin for a girls' weekend getaway. Zoey is the stereotypical slut who freaks out because she can't use her phone and takes off her top within 10 minutes. Mary is the "smart" girl, and you know she's smart because she wears glasses and talks about school. Jenn is just upset because her boyfriend Sam was tagged on Facebook getting down with another girl.

While hanging out by the lake, they see a bear, but luckily, a random hunter named Smyth pops up and fires his gun to scare it away. He then warns them about dressing like whores before wandering off. Later that night, the guys show up. Tommy is Mary's boyfriend, Buck is with Zoey, and Sam came to talk to Jenn. After kissing him and kneeing him in the balls, Jenn settles down a bit. Jenn goes crazy after finding a crazy beaver in the bathroom. They attack and kill the beaver before leaving it outside, but when they go to the water the next day, the beaver is gone. Once crazy zombeavers attack Buck in the water, our group kind of/sort of figures out what's going on.

Can I just say that I now have a new favorite guilty pleasure movie? Zombeavers was so insane and over the top that you can't help but like it. It made me feel the way other people did the first time they saw Sharknado. I didn't get it when I saw that movie, but I get it now. It was clearly done by someone who loved bad and cheesy horror movies because everything about Zombeavers seems like something I've seen in a bad 80s horror flick.

Not only do we get the classic stereotypical characters, but we get that moment where the main character suddenly becomes a human-beaver-zombie hybrid and allows a second character to take the lead. We even have that plot "twist" that anyone can see coming. Hint: it turns out that the girl Sam had the fling with isn't a random stranger.

And oh my god, the beavers! They were so fucked up and crazy looking that I want like six of them for Halloween to hang out in my front yard with a few zombie flamingos and one I can leave sitting in my living room year round. My only one minor complaint is how often the characters mention that they're in Indiana given that the background looks absolutely nothing like Indiana. I loved Zombeavers so much that I think I might go watch it again, right now.

Oh, and if you're a fan of The Office or a Parks and Recreation fan like me (save for the last season), keep your eyes peeled. The actors who played JJ on Parks and Recreation and Bill Vance from The Office are both in very minor/almost cameo roles.

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