Runtime:
86 minutes
Release
Date: June 23, 2012
Rating:
NR
Director:
Griff Furst
Arachnoquake
is a completely ridiculous movie that is an absolute blast.
Paul is
a hot guy living in New Orleans who wakes up in the morning at a
stranger's apartment. Though he attempts to sneak out without her
waking, she catches him just before he leaves, throws him his boxers,
and makes it clear that she would like to see him again. He then
heads to work, where he's a tour guide for his father's company with
his sister. Since his sister and dad need to rescue the boat he
practically wrecked the night before, they send him out to lead the
latest tour around the city.
Tracey
Gold of Growing Pains fame then enters the picture of Katelynn, the
mother of two kids and the wife of Charlie, played by Edward Furlong.
The two brought their kids to New Orleans because Charlie is a
coach/bus driver and had to bring some students to town. The two
separate, with Charlie taking his students and Katelynn taking their
kids on the tour led by Paul.
Also on
board is an older man, a hot woman, and her boyfriend. While driving
through town, they almost crash when they come across a large crack
in the middle of the road. After doing some investigating, they find
themselves attacked by a bunch of white spiders. Since Tracey Gold is
secretly a high school science teacher, she determines that the
spiders live below ground and have no eyes. They then find themselves
dealing with the spiders at the same time that they try to track down
Paul's missing family. As an added bonus. Edward Furlong winds up
trapped on the side of the road with a bunch of bitchy teen girls
when the spiders attack.
Arachnoquake
is probably one of the worst movies that I have ever seen, but it was
so damn fun! We literally spent most of the movie laughing our asses
off and wondering where we could find a copy for sale. The whole
movie is cheesy and hilarious. Tracey Gold as a science teacher who
somehow knows everything there is to know about a new species of
spider? Edward Furlong as a responsible teacher/coach? Seriously, who
would ever trust their kids with Furlong for an entire weekend?
The
spiders are pretty funny too. There are multiple scenes where the
spiders work together to kill people. A few will lure the victim
close to the crack in the ground, the rest will crawl all over
him/her, and the rest will actually push the victim into the crack,
presumably to feed all the other spiders living below ground. It was
just so funny that we had to crack up.
Arachnoquake
clearly won't win any big awards, but it was a laugh riot. We
actually found ourselves quoting the movie after watching it,
including, “Now that's how you make jambalaya,” which Furlong
says after smacking a spider with a baseball bat. This is one of the
best of the bad movies!
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