"Super Cyclone" Movie Review – A Storm's A Coming

Runtime: 89 minutes

Release Date: September 18, 2012

Rating: NR

Director: Liz Adams

Somewhere in the ocean is an oil rig that is drilling for oil. Big surprise, right? They hit a volcano on the ocean floor that someone turns into a massive cyclone that heads toward land. Someone who works for the oil company wants to help stop the storm because he wants to save the men still on the rig, while another woman (Ming Na) has to try and help too.

That is probably the worst synopsis I ever wrote for a film, but that's because this film really doesn't have a lot going on. The entire film just feels like an excuse for the filmmakers to cram in as many unrealistic moments as possible into one film. For no reason that anyone can explain, the sky suddenly catches on fire. The characters in the film just use that moment to explain why they need to amp up their efforts to stop the storm.

We also get a few scenes where the wind is strong enough to pick up a massive truck and tip it over or knock over a thousand ton boat, but the wind doesn't make Na's hair move even an inch. Not to mention the men on the oil rig. They are a major component of the film because they're the ones who drilled into the volcano. They appear in multiple scenes, trying to help stop the storm, and we get multiple scenes of people talking about how important it is that they save those men. Want to guess what finally happens to them? They decide to jump overboard into the fiery ocean and die.

By the time that scene hit, my boyfriend and I looked at each other and asked why we were still bothering to watch it. Though we did wind up finishing the movie, both of us were just waiting for the credits to start rolling.

"Evil Dead" Movie Review – Everything's Gonna Be Fine!

Runtime: 91 minutes

Release Date: April 5, 2013

Rating: R

Director: Fede Alvarez

"Evil Dead" opens with a bunch of random strangers in the basement of a cabin. When a father realizes that his daughter is possessed, he shoots her with a shotgun. It then jumps to Mia, a recovering drug addict, and her friends. Her brother David, his girlfriend Natalie, and their friends Olivia (Jessica Lucas, "The Covenant") and Eric all want her to get better, and they plan on spending the weekend there, in the hopes that she'll get over her addiction.

Eric finds the Book of the Dead and reads from it, releasing the evil surrounding the woods. After an argument, Mia storms from the house, steals a car, crashes it, and finds herself possessed by a demon. She then vomits on Olivia, turning her crazy, and they lock her in the cellar to recover. As things spiral out of control, her friends realize that it isn't just a case of delusions or her addictions taking control of her.

The original "Evil Dead" film didn't need a subplot to explain why a group of friends decided to go to an old cabin in the woods. They were there to party and that was it. With the remake of "Evil Dead," they feel the need to explain that Mia is an addict. I hate to say it, but that's probably where they lost me. I find it impossible to root for a drug addict in any film, and that's pretty much what the writer and director want us to do here.

That's not to say that I didn't dislike the film because it had its moments. It definitely increases the grossness factor of the original. Someone gets stabbed multiple times in the face with a needle, a man beats a woman with part of a sink, and someone rips off their own arm when it gets stuck under a car. There were definitely a few moments in the film when I either pulled a face or actually said something out loud.

My main issue is that it didn't have the campy factor of the original. I love 1980's horror films, and the "Evil Dead" franchise is one of my favorites. This film was just too dark and serious. I know that sounds bad because horror fans want dark films, but it just felt like something was lacking. I know it had a lot of fans, but I can't say I'm one of them.

"Ghost Storm" Movie Review – Not Your Usual Storm

Runtime: 90 minutes

Release Date: November 20, 2012

Rating: NR

Director: Paul Ziller

"Ghost Storm" is the type of film that you start watching and think is yet another release from The Asylum before you realize you're watching a television movie. It's not necessarily a bad movie, but it plays like a TV movie done on a low budget, which is exactly what it is.

A bunch of random kids hit a local cemetery to make out and run around like jackasses, but they decide to do this in the middle of a massive lightning storm. At some point in history, a bunch of people in town killed themselves, and while hanging around the memorial to those citizens, lightning strikes the monument and kills one of the teens. The ghosts of those people then spring to life, running through town and killing people.

Hal is a police officer in town and the father of Daisy, the girl who was dating the boy killed in the cemetery, and he decides that he has to take control of the situation. Since they live on an island in the middle of nowhere, they can't do something like pick up the phone and call for help, so they have to rely on themselves.

"Ghost Storm" is the type of movie that I should love, but it's actually a forgettable film. The only thing that really kept me watching was Carlos Bernard, but I expected a little more from him. If you like movies where a group of random strangers must run around like crazy because of cheap CGI ghosts taking over an island, this is the movie for you. If you don't really care about anything in that sentence, just move on.

"The Conjuring" Movie Review

Rating: R

Length: 112 minutes

Release Date: July 19, 2013

Director: James Wan

Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson, "Insidious") and his wife Lorraine are paranormal investigators who open the film with their latest case, which involves a haunted doll. After explaining that the doll is actually a conduit, the film jumps to the two talking to a classroom of people about their experiences. Lorraine makes a joke about people calling them frauds, which is funny given that most of their cases turned out to be frauds.

We then meet Roger and his wife Carolyn (Lili Taylor, "The Haunting") and their five daughters who just moved into a new home. The first night in their new house, they leave the dog outside, and one of the daughters finds the dog dead the next morning. Most of the activity seems to come about when the youngest daughter discovers an old spinning toy that lets her talk to her new friend Rory. The daughters begin seeing weird things in the house or feeling people tugging on their feet, and Roger discovers a cellar filled with old furniture and junk that someone blocked off.

The activity gets so bad that they resort to sleeping together in the living room, and Carolyn decides she can't take it anymore. She approaches the Warrens after another speaking engagement, and though they initially refuse her case, they change their mind after she begs them. As soon as they get there, Lorraine "senses" the presence in the house, and the duo decide to bring in some help to find the truth behind the haunting.

No matter where you go, you're bound to see a review that calls "The Conjuring" the scariest film of the year. I even read a review that said it would make you nervous about going home alone or trying to fall asleep. The truth is that the film really doesn't bring anything new to the genre. It had one scene that made me actually shriek, and that scene involved hands coming out of the dark and clapping right behind the mother. The rest of the film? Eh.

"The Conjuring" really plays like two different films. The first is the story of a family trapped in a haunted house. Like the Lutzes in "The Amityville Horror," they paid too much for the house and can't move without losing more money than they can afford. The moments that take place in the house are fairly creepy and left me feeling uneasy. Ron Livingston, who plays the father, and Taylor are really great in their roles, and the younger actors do a great job too.

The problem with the film is that the other plot is prodding and even a little boring. Once the Warrens decide to "help," it turns into any other horror film. Since the Warrens are very religious, they find proof that a "witch" once lived in the house and scarified her seven-day old son before killing herself. Lorraine makes sure to tell us that she was a direct descendent of one of the "witches" killed in Salem during the seventeenth century, so you know she cursed the house. I guess Lorraine never paid attention in school when we learned the true story of the Salem witch trials.

Those haunting moments, including the one that made me yelp like a little girl, were sadly missing from the second half of the film. They naturally find a bunch of connections that the house has to women who killed their kids and themselves, and they manage to find a hidden passage and other things that the family never once noticed in the entire time they lived there. Once it reaches the point where Wilson must preform an exorcist on the mother, I just wanted the film to be over, but unfortunately, there was still a good 20 minutes left.

"The Conjuring" isn't a bad film, but it received way too much hype in the weeks leading up to its release. Wilson, who was so good in other films, is terribly miscast here, and it doesn't help that he gets a truly poor story. Apparently, Lorraine saw "something" when working on another case, and now he goes out of its way to try and make her avoid a lot of cases. Shoehorn in a storyline about their daughter being obsessed with the possessed doll from the beginning, and it's just too much for a film that isn't even two hours.

While the film did have a few good scares, many people in the audience when we saw it actually laughed at some of the "jump scares," and towards the end, people even started talking over the characters. I read a comment from someone saying this was the scariest movie he ever saw in his entire life, but the only one who felt that way when I saw it was the four-year old some woman decided to bring with her. "The Conjuring" had its moments, but sadly those moments were few and far between.

"Mama" Movie Review – Extraordinary Claims Require Extraordinary Proof

Runtime: 100 minutes

Release Date: January 18, 2013

Rating: PG-13

Director: Andres Muschietti

"Mama" opens with a man driving home erratically, grabbing his kids, and taking off again as a report on the radio reveals that he murdered his business partners and wife. After dragging his kids out into the woods, his daughter breaks her glasses and can only see fuzzy shapes. Just as he goes to kill his kids, a dark shadow comes out of nowhere and kills him.

Annabel is a rocker more concerned with her band and music than anything else in her life, but she's forced to make some changes when her boyfriend (husband?) Lucas becomes a sudden father. Two men find the girls living in the woods in the same abandoned cabin where their father took them, and Lucas gains temporary custody. The doctor agrees to let them move into a new house for free as long as they can monitor the girls at all times.

As Annabel is nowhere near ready to be a mother, she thinks it sounds like a good idea, but she isn't quite ready to leave her old life behind. The two girls keep talking about Mama, a figure that only they can see. The doctor reassures them that the girls simply created a fake protector to keep themselves alive in the woods, but as the story unfolds, it becomes clear that Mama might be more than just a figment of their imagination.

Let's get this out of the way right now: I didn't like "Mama" at all. Annabel is an extremely irritating character because she's written as a stereotype. She's a musician, so she naturally must have black hair, tattoos, and a surly attitude. Even though she thinks she might be pregnant at the beginning, she clearly has no interest in raising children or taking care of the two girls. She is so unsympathetic that at times I even found myself wondering why Lucas stayed with her.

It also felt like the film used most of the top scenes in the trailers. The trailers showed so many creepy and dark scenes that I expected more from the movie, but it completely failed to deliver. I actually wound up feeling bad for the two little girls in the film because they get stuck with the worst caretakers ever. It actually seems like they would do better left in the woods with some dark presence.

And, don't get me started on the end of the movie! For 90 minutes, we sit there and watch Annabel say she doesn't want kids and spends little time bonding with the girls. She finally has one moment with one of the two, but she goes right back to acting like a bitch. That completely changes at the end when she realizes that she does want kids. It just left me scratching my head and wondering where it all came from.

"Would You Rather" Movie Review – Not How We Play

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: October 14, 2012

Rating: NR

Director: David Guy Levy

After her parents die, Iris (Brittany Snow, "Prom Night") returns home to take care of her little brother, but she has a number of problems. The bills keep piling up, she can't find a job, and her little brother is sick and desperately needs medical help. She meets a man named Shepard Lambrick (Jeffrey Combs, "Re-Animator") who offers her a deal. His foundation runs a special dinner event with a game attached, and the winner gets all their dreams taken care of by the foundation.

Though Iris initially doesn't want to go, she changes her mind when she realizes how much her brother needs her help. Once she arrives at the event, she learns that there are a handful of other people competing for the same prize. Over dinner, Shepard offers them a few prizes. A recovering alcoholic wins $10,000 for drinking a bottle of scotch, and Iris, who is a vegetarian, wins $10,000 for eating a steak. As soon as dinner is over, Shepard announces that they must play a game of would you rather, only this game involves sick choices like electrocuting yourself or the person sitting next to you.

I read a short synopsis of "Would You Rather," and it was enough to let me know I wanted to see the film. Unfortunately, it took me over a week to actually find a copy once it came out. I almost didn't rent it, but I'm glad I did because this was a great little film. Combs can bring a creepiness to almost any role, and he somehow manages to be both creepy and helpful in this film. He's fully aware that what he's doing is wrong, but he also thinks that he's really helping them by offering to make their lives better.

The film introduces us to way too many characters though. There's a woman in a wheelchair, a veteran returning from overseas, a young woman who lost her child, plus the Crab Man from "My Name is Earl." Two of the characters, Lucas and Cal, form an instant connection to Iris, which feels unrealistic at times. It feels even more unrealistic when Travis, the former soldier, agrees to let them whip him multiple times to save Iris and others from getting stabbed. There really isn't any buildup to why they go to such lengths to save her, but she is the star of the film.

The other characters are a little more believable. When the old lady in the wheelchair doesn't want someone to stab her even though she can't feel her legs, it's a fun little moment. Amy is probably one of the least sympathetic characters in the film. She's the first to realize that only one of them will walk away from the game, but she comes across as incredibly bitchy and rude at times.

"Would You Rather" is definitely an interesting film. It sets things up, asking how far you would go for the chance to take care of all your hopes and dreams. Iris starts out as a woman willing to do anything to help her brother, but she then spirals out of control, caring about the people around her and wanting them to escape the hellish nightmare too. It has a number of gory moments and some scenes that left me wincing including a man forced to slice open his own eyeball. Some people might walk away comparing it to the "Saw" franchise, but I found that it offered a twist on that story.

Prom Night Movie Review – A Night to Die For

Runtime: 88 minutes

Release Date: April 11, 2008

Rating: PG-13

Director: Nelson McCormick

Donna (Brittney Snow) is a typical high school student who comes home to find most of her family dead. After hiding under her bed, she sees her teacher, Mr. Fenton (Jonathon Schaech, "Dark Circles"), murder her mother. The police manage to catch him, and he winds up in a mental institution.

Three years later, Donna is in high school, living with her aunt and uncle, and getting ready for her high school prom. Her best friends help her get ready for the big night, but she keeps thinking that she sees Fenton around town. When she leaves for her prom, she doesn't know that Fenton actually escaped and is staying in a room in the same hotel. Fenton starts working his way through the crowds, eliminating her friends and everyone he thinks is competition while a detective is hot on his trail.

I cannot believe how much hate the remake of "Prom Night" gets! I have actually heard people say it's not as good as the original. Are you kidding me? Have you seen the original lately? All I have to do is think about that dance scene, and I'm done. I think some of the hate relies on the fact that it was yet another PG-13 horror movie that came out marketed towards teens in the middle of 957 billion other PG-13 horror movies marketed towards teens.

I don't have a problem with "Prom Night," and I even like it. My big problem is with the casting of Schaech. This is a man who is so attractive that he married Christina Applegate, and yet we're supposed to believe that he scared a teenage girl so much that she had a restraining order against him. With the way teens are today, she'd be more likely to have sex with him in his car than cry about how he was stalking her.

The PG-13 rating does get to me because it limits how much action we see. We get a lot of shots of Schaech looking menacing, someone screaming, and the a cut to people dancing. I highly recommend the unrated version, which has a little more action and gore. If you only ever watched the version that played in theaters, track down a copy of the unrated "Prom Night."

Apartment 4E – Give Me Back My Time!

Runtime: 87 minutes

Release Date: 2012

Rating: NR

Director: Russell Leigh Sharman

Piper is one of the most annoying people in the world. She's a shut in who never leaves her apartment because of a medical condition, and she has no patience for anyone else, which is odd given that no one could possibly spend an extended period of time with her. At some point in the recent past, Piper made a new friend online named Mollie. The two had a close relationship, but things are about to change.

A man knocks on her door, saying his name is John and that he's Mollie's brother. He asks to talk to her, and she lets him in, but she also lets him know that she doesn't trust him. Though he answers some of her questions about Mollie, she can't shake the feeling that there's more than meets the eye with him. The more time they spend together, the more she realizes that she can't trust John and that John might not be who he says he is.

I've talked about contained movies before, and "Apartment 4E" is a great example of what not to do. I hate to give it a bad review because it does have a great story attached to it. The film was actually the result of a Kickstarter campaign that helped fund the film. It still had a low budget though, which led to the entire film taking place inside a single apartment.

When a film can't rely on large sets or expensive backdrops, it needs to focus on character development and great acting. Piper is such an unlikeable character that it was hard to sit through 87 minutes of her. I read a review that talked about how viewers needed to understand that she was bi-polar and suffering a breakdown, but I don't think that's a good excuse.

This is the type of woman who immediately feels suspicious from the moment someone knocks on her door. When he tells her that Mollie sent him, she instantly thinks he's lying. She then spends the rest of the film alternating between wanting to kill him and wanting to kill herself. "Apartment 4E" wasn't what I expected, but I can't imagine sitting down to watch it again now that I know the plot.

The Hills Have Eyes 2 Movie Review – Don't Freak Out

Runtime: 89 minutes

Release Date: March 23, 2007

Rating: R

Director: Martin Weisz

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy. Throw a guy in the hole in a portie pottie, and I'm a happy camper.

"The Hills Have Eyes 2" completely disregards the fact that several people survived the end of the first one and probably went to the authorities to tell them what happened. It instead picks up with a woman giving birth to a mutant baby before getting killed by an adult mutant. We then see a group of scientists working in the empty desert who wind up being killed by the mutants too.

The film then jumps again to a group of National Guard soldiers, who must go into the desert to look for the scientists. Among them are Amber (Jessica Stroup, "Prom Night"), Missy (Daniella Alonso, "Wrong Turn 2: Dead End"), and Crank (Jacob Vargas, "Devil"). The soldiers split into two groups: one group stays behind to try and use the communication devices, while the other group heads into the desert to look for the scientists.

The group that stays behind is the group that finds the man left behind in the toilet. Turns out that the mutants cut him hundreds of time and dumped him in the poo, knowing the bacteria would kill him. The other group head up the cliffs, have a bunch of problems, someone gets hurt, and they encounter the mutants. Once the groups meet up, they need to figure out how to get away without dying.

Modern horror films get a lock of flack from fans, but damn it if I don't love "The Hills Have Eyes 2." I know I mentioned in the beginning that it doesn't reference the past film, but it does to a point. The writers, which include Wes motherfucking Craven, drop some hints that indicate the survivors went for help and that the government sent the scientists out there to make a satellite device that could track their movements.

This film does a good job of combining humor and horror. The first time I saw this in the theater, I was absolutely disgusted by the man in the toilet. There is something so gruesome about that moment, and you actually feel something for the poor guy. I can't imagine a worse way to die.

"The Hills Have Eyes 2" is a lot of fun, and while it isn't as good as the first one, it's pretty damn good for a sequel.

Grave Encounters 2 Movie Review – This Isn't Narnia.

Runtime: 95 minutes

Release Date: October 2, 2012

Rating: NR

Director: John Poliquin

"Grave Encounters 2" wants us to believe that everything that happened in "Grave Encounters" was completely real. When the film picks up, we see a large number of bloggers talking about the film online. Some of them think it was true and that no one ever saw the crrw members again, but most people think it was just a hoax.

Enter Alex, a film student who decides to make a film about the film. Got that? Alex enlists his best friends to help him research the story and the crew members in the hopes of discovering the true story. He gets messages from an anonymous person who tells him to visit the producer. The producer first tells him it was fake, but he later reveals it was true.

The group then head to Collingwood, but they discover security guards doing whatever it takes to keep people out because of the large number of trespassers since the film premiered. They also discover Lance's mom, who tells him his name is Sean and he's alive. They finally find a way into the old hospital, which is when all hell breaks loose. Not only do they find Lance living in the hospital, but they discover that everything they heard is true.

The problem with sequels is that most sequels aren't as strong as the original. The same thing is pretty much true here. "Grave Encounters 2" does have an interesting premise, but it kind of does the same thing that the sequel to "The Blair Witch Project" did. Take a bunch of random people and let them investigate the story behind the first movie.

It did have some entertaining moments though. I loved the man playing the producer. He pops up early in the film to talk on camera about the hoax, and then he does a good job making Alex believe that it was true before making a return appearance at the end.

Thankfully, the character of Lance makes a return for this one, but unfortunately, the way he plays the role leaves some unanswered questions. Anyone who was stuck in an abandoned mental hospital for over a year would probably act the same way he did. So, is he really crazy because of the ghosts, or is he just crazy because of what he thinks he saw?

In the end, it doesn't really matter though. Instead of giving us something interesting, "Grave Encounters 2" just follows the same formula as the first one. Throw a bunch of people into a haunted hospital, give them some cameras, and see what happens.

Barricade Movie Review – Maybe We Locked It In

Runtime: 82 minutes

Release Date: September 25, 2012

Rating: PG-13

Director: Andrew Currie

Terrance (Erik McCormack) decides to take his daughter Cynthia and son Jake to a secluded cabin for Christmas after his wife dies. His wife loved going there when she was younger and always wanted to take her own children there, but Terrance was always too busy with work to make time with his kids. Now, he wants everything to go well. He has Christmas gifts waiting and a freezer stocked with food, so everything should be a breeze.

Unfortunately, on the way to the cabin, they hit a wild animal. He goes to check on it and puts it out of its misery. Though he lies to his kids about what happened, he can't stop thinking about it. The first night at the cabin goes well, but his kids are still a little uneasy given that they never had a real relationship with their father before.

We quickly learn that Terrance is haunted by the death of his wife. He keeps flashing back to their last few moments together, but we don't learn what really happened to her until the end of the film. Things begin happening around the house that make the family wonder what's happening. The door flies open on its own, they see faces peering at them from the windows, and other odd things occur. Terrance finally decides that the only way to keep his family safe as the snow piles up outside is to barricade them inside the old cabin, but that only seems to intensify the unusual activity.

I never heard about "Barricade" until I was watching another movie and a trailer for it came on the screen. After finally seeing it, I wish I heard about it sooner. This is easily one of the top films I've seen in the last few months. While it does have a few down moments, it manages to create a tight and thrilling story.

Films that take place in a contained location often struggle. "Barricade" primarily takes place in the cabin, and we really only see a few different areas of that house, but I think that's what makes it so strong. With such a confined space, you never know what might happen when a character turns around or the camera shifts. I was literally edging forward in my chair waiting for something else to happen.

McCormack does a great job too. His Terrance is clearly a man with some issues. He isn't over his wife, doesn't know how to raise his children, and generally just feels lost. We know this, which is why we don't know what to think when things go awry. Is the old family cabin haunted, or is Terrance just seeing things and making his kids see things too? By the time "Barricade" finally reached its end, I was literally bouncing in my seat ready to know what happened.

Hellgate Movie Review – Also Known As Shadows

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: November 5, 2011

Rating: NR

Director: John Penney

"Hellgate" will probably be my shortest review ever because I really, really disliked this film. Cary Elwes ("Saw") plays a man who moves to Thailand for work and marries a local woman. While the two are out with their child, they are involved in a car accident. After recovering, Jeff meets Warren (William Hurt), who tells him more about the shadow world.

It's basically the world that exists between life and death. Warren actually lost his own daughter, and he uses a special method to visit the shadow world and talk to her. Jeff begs him to teach him how to talk to his own lost loved ones, which is the premise of the movie.

See how that plot synopsis was so short? Yeah, that's because I had no clue what was happening in this film. I watched it with two other people, and one of them finally looked at me halfway through and asked if I could explain it to him. Neither of us had any idea what was happening.

I actually talked about horror movies with my sister-in-law, mentioned this film, and she was basically like, "oh yeah, me and your brother tried to watch that the other night and we gave up." She even pulled a little face when she realized it was the same movie. "Hellgate" is probably the one film that taught me not to grab a horror movie just because I love the lead actor.

Grave Encounters Movie Review – "I'm Not Fucking Playing"

Runtime: 92 minutes

Release Date: September 9, 2011

Rating: NR

Director: The Vicious Brothers

Before the credits even roll, "Grave Encounters" lets viewers know that the television series of the same name was canceled after an event involving the cast. The members of the crew, including a medium, psychic, and cameraman decided to visit Collingwood Psychiatric Institution. The film then jumps into the action, showing the crew taking a tour of the hospital and learning more about its history before they decided to spend the night.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail about the plot, so let's just say that "Grave Encounters" is what "Graystone Park" wished it was. The crew get through the night with little problems, but the next day, they find everything fucked up. Even though their clocks all show that it's early afternoon, they can only see darkness outside. Their food, which was perfectly fine minutes before, is now suddenly filled with maggots. And, every time they try to escape, they discover a door that should lead to the main hallway, outside, or somewhere they already were, leads to somewhere they've never seen before.

Let me tell you my story about "Grave Encounters." I saw it was available on Netflix, remembered some good reviews I read, and added it to my queue. Went to watch it one day, and it was gone. Knowing that the second film was coming out, I planned to rent it from Hollywood Video the next week. Then, while looking for something good with my roommate, I discovered this and the sequel were suddenly available, one week before the sequel came out on DVD.

"Grave Encounters" is a solid film, but the problem is that it runs a little too long. I am a big fan of all those ghost hunter television shows, but those shows get a little old after a while. If you ever tried to watch one of the marathons, you know what I’m talking about. "Grave Encounters" plays like a 90 minute long episode. Every time things got a little slow or boring, something good finally happened. In the end though, I had a hard time sitting through the low moments.