Runtime: 80 minutes
Release Date: October 2010
Director: Bradley Scott Sullivan
Despite having a release date of 2010, "I Didn't Come Here to Die" finally gets a widespread release thanks to the folks at Redbox. I have no idea if this came out in rental stores, but I found a copy listed as a new release at Redbox and grabbed it, not knowing anything about the story.
The film begins with a group of six stereotypical late teens/early twenty somethings headed into the woods. There's the Asshat, who seems more concerned with buying alcohol and checking out the girls than anything else, the Romantic with a girlfriend back home who he can't stop talking to, and the Magician who kind of sticks to himself. The three girls include the Leader who is in charge of everyone, Prissy Pants who wants everyone to follow the rules, and the Drunk.
Each of the six are heading into the woods to do some volunteer work, but they stop at a convenience store. As Leader (all names are mine, not the actual character names) reminds them, this is their last chance to stock up on incidentals and make calls because they plan to spend six weeks in the wilderness and cell phones don't work there.
A few of the group members decide to blow off some steam with a bottle of whiskey, even though Prissy Pants reminds them that alcohol is forbidden. After seeing the group having fun, she decides to join them and have a few too many drinks straight from the bottle. This leads to her grinding on Asshat, until Drunk throws her off and calls her out for having a "mom ass." I believe that she actually describes her as having the ass of a forty-year-old mom. Prissy Pants starts to run off, only to run directly into a tree branch, which causes a branch to jam directly into her eye.
This also interrupts the dirty fun times that Leader and Magician were having in her tent. After running back and seeing what happened, she gathers their things together and heads to the hospital, leaving the four remaining volunteers there and all hell breaks loose.
"I Didn't Come Here to Die" is the type of film that I love: one that I come across on my own and actually enjoy without knowing a single thing about it. I read the plot synopsis and decided to grab it, though after watching some of the early trailers on the DVD, I started to second guess my decision. It actually ended up being a solid little horror film.
The best death is without a doubt Drunk. Facing a severe hangover that leaves her barely functioning, the other volunteers decide that she's the perfect choice to handle a chainsaw. While flinging the saw around in the air, she manages to knock down a tree branch, which drops and sends the chainsaw directly into her skull. That's not even the best part either, because she's STILL alive! No, Romantic decides that he should turn the saw on, to build some traction and pull it out of her head. The scene was a little squeamish and hilarious at the same time.
"I Didn't Come Here to Die" is the perfect example of how to make a horror film on a small budget. It also shows that you can stick a few good actors in the middle of the woods and still make a great flick without needing a bunch of fancy sets or costumed killers running loose. In fact, there isn't even a real killer in the film! It's just a bunch of kids who randomly come across some bad luck. To make things even better, the film has a killer ending that made my group of friends burst out laughing. Check Redbox to find a copy, or ask your local rental place to get a copy in right away.