House of Wax – Cheesy Fun But a Little Too Long

Length: 108 minutes

Release Date: May 6, 2005

Rating: R

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

House of Wax opens in a home literally made of wax back in the 1970s. A woman is trying to feed a kid in a high chair when her husband comes in with a screaming and struggling second child. They strap him down before the movie jumps to the present.

Carly and her friends are on a road trip to a football game. She's seriously giving some thought to breaking up with her boyfriend Wade because she's about to move to the city and isn't sure she wants him to go with her or even if they should stay together. Her best friend Paige has problems of her own because she's late and thinks she might be pregnant by her jock boyfriend Blake who clearly won't marry her. Also along for the ride is their geeky friend Dalton and Carly's juvenile delinquent twin brother Nick.

To save money, the group decides to camp overnight on the side of the road. A truck pulls in later that night, shines its headlights on them, and acts like a tool before taking off. The next day, Carly and Paige go for a walk, Carly trips, and almost lands in a pit filled with dead animals. Though she thinks she sees a hand sticking out, it's actually a mannequin. A random guy shows up, shows her it's a mannequin, and laughs at her. When they find that the fan belt in Wade's car broke, the guy offers to take them for help while the rest of the group heads to the game.

Ambrose, the town he takes them to, is almost completely deserted. The only people they see are a few people inside their homes. They eventually wander into the church, interrupt a funeral, and find the Bo, the man who owns the repair shop in town. As he needs some time at the funeral, they agree to meet him later. This leads them to check out the wax museum in town, which they saw advertised earlier. It then doesn't take long before the group begins disappearing one by one and they learn that there is something sinister about the wax museum and the whole town.

The only thing anyone ever remembers about House of Wax is that it's the movie where Paris Hilton dies. I was literally just thinking that when I turned it on, the roommate sat down, and said the scene where she dies was the best moment in the movie. That's actually a little sad because she's not that bad of an actress. I thought she did an admirable job of playing a girl worried about the future and that the guy she loved might leave her. That said, yeah, it's actually pretty nice when she died!

House of Wax came out right around the time when studios were obsessed with PG-13 ratings, so I was a little surprised when I realized this was actually an R rated horror movie. Given the lack of gore, blood, and just plain deaths, it's hard to believe it didn't get a lower rating. The best death in the film – outside of Paris – is obviously Wade. When you see him sitting there covered in wax with his eyes moving, you can't tell me that didn't get to you. Add to that his best friend trying to “save” him by peeling off the wax to reveal the muscle and tissue underneath while his eyes still moved makes it one of the best scenes in the flick.

If you're like most people, you probably haven't seen House of Wax in years, but give it another go. It's a lot better than some of the crap Hollywood puts out today.

Saw 4 Movie Review – Where the Tide Turns

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: October 26, 2007

Rating: R

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Following the events of the last film, the police send John Kramer's body for an autopsy after they find him dead in the room with all those other bodies. The coroner finds a tape in his body and passes it along to Detective Hoffman. Lieutenant Rigg later finds Detective Kerry and begins his own investigation into the Jigsaw killings. This becomes more complicated when a new body appears and he learns that a man actually escaped the trap.

The problem with the later Saw movies is that there is usually too much going on. Most of the early films featured a few traps and gave us more information about Jigsaw, which kept us interested and entertained in the movies. This one had so much going on that I found myself drifting off into la la land and trying to keep up when I came back.

One of the best scenes in the film is the end of Donnie Wahlburg, aka Detective Eric Matthews. Though most of us assumed that he did in one of the previous films, it turns out that he's still alive, for the time being anyway. The new killer leaves him tied up on a block of ice with a noose around his neck and Hoffman strapped to a series of electrodes next to him. As the ice melts, he keeps slipping and sliding, but if he falls off the ice, the trap will kill them both. When he finally does slip and gets his head smashed in, it was probably the best moment of the movie. Unlike poor Amanda's death, this one really does fit the character.

Rigg, who we barely saw in any of the other movies, suddenly becomes the main focus of interest. The new Jigsaw killer sends him on a mission across town, and he must complete a series of different tasks in the hopes of saving Matthews. Given what I said in the last paragraph, you can guess how well he does.

The problem isn't Rigg the character, it's the fast that we don't really know him. I wish they left Kerry alive long enough for her to get her own movie. Since she really did have a connection to each film, it would have been nice to see her stick around a little longer. Rigg suddenly becomes our lead character, but I care as little about him as I do about Hoffman. Speaking of which, Hoffman is no substitution for the original Jigsaw.

I do like Agent Strahm played by Scott Patterson. It's probably the Gilmore Girls fan inside me, but I think he actually brought something new/good to the series. Though watching Saw 4 now and knowing what happens to his character later made me a little sad, it was nice to see him in this one.

The same can't be said about Jill Tuck. As the former wife of Kramer, she should have a lot of insight into him, but she really doesn't add anything to the film. She's really only there to talk about things we already know and set things up for her role in the next movie. Her character is completely bland and a little boring.

As much as I love the first three films in the series, Saw 4 makes me wish they had just made a trilogy.

Saw 3 – Jigsaw is Back Yet Again

Runtime: 108 minutes

Release Date: October 27, 2006

Rating: R

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Remember when Detective Matthews went missing at the end of the last film? Well, he's still missing. Though Detective Kerry feels guilty and blames herself for his disappearance, she promises to work with Detective Hoffman and Lieutenant Rigg to find Jigsaw and hopefully bring Matthews back home again.

During an investigation of the latest victim, Kerry is the only one who realizes there is something different. Unlike all the previous traps, this one was set up in such a way that the victim could not escape. Kerry herself then becomes the next victim of the so-called Jigsaw Killer.

We then find ourselves introduced to Lynn, a doctor who is seemingly unhappy with her life. While working in a hospital, she finds herself abducted and later wakes to see Amanda watching over her. Amanda fits her with a collar designed to blow up if she attempts to escape before introducing her to Jigsaw. It turns out that our favorite crazy killer is dying and Lynn is his last chance for survival.

At the same time, a father named Jeff wakes in a strange house. Still dealing with the loss of his child who was killed by a drunk driver, he can't move on with his life. Jigsaw and Amanda created a series of rooms designed to test his ability to forgive and forget. Each room features someone connected to the case, and Jeff only has a limited amount of time to either help each person or walk away.

Like I said before, the later Saw movies get a lot of flack for being too confusing or just plain bad, but Saw 3 was actually a lot better than I remembered. One of the worst deaths is easily what happens to Kerry. She finds herself stuck inside a butterfly trap with the key stuck in the bottom of a glass of acid. Since the trap was designed to fail, she naturally loses. Seeing a beloved character die by having her insides literally ripped out of her was almost a little sad.

Then we have some of the deaths that occur when Jeff is moving through the building. There is one with a woman who actually freezes to death slowly with cold water sprayed over her body in a freezing cold room. Plus, we get the scene of the man getting literally twisted to death one body part at a time. I give you props if you can get through that scene without wincing or screaming.

Since a Saw movie isn't complete without at least one twist, the twist in this one comes near the end. Though I'm sure many people saw it coming, I definitely did not. We learn that Lynn is actually the wife of Jeff. As we first see her in bed with another man, most of us naturally assumed that the two had no connection.

This is also the movie where Amanda finally dies. Though she's an evil bitch character, her death didn't exactly seem fitting. To have her die via a brand new character shooting her in the neck was somewhat of a sad end to her. We also get to learn a little more of the backstory of Jigsaw/John Kramer, including his life before he became one of the most infamous killers in fictional history. Say what you want, but Saw 3 had a lot going for it and was probably the last great film in the franchise.

Fido Movie Review – A Boy and His Zombie

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: March 16, 2007

Rating: R

Director: Andrew Currie

In another universe that pretty much looks like Earth in the 1950s, space radiation led to the dead coming back to life as zombies. Though the two sides battled it out, humans eventually won. That led to humans buying and selling zombies as commodities. They use them for everything from security guards to house boys.

Bill is a husband and father who fought in the zombie wars and now wants nothing to do with zombies in any shape or size. That makes it a little unusual when his wife Helen decides to bring home one for their house. Timmy, their son, isn't too sure about the zombie but gives it the name Fido, which his father dislikes because he doesn't think zombies deserve names and because he worries that his son will grow too attached to the zombie.

Though Fido wears the same collar that others do to keep the zombies in line, his collar breaks. After escaping from the yard, he attacks a neighbor and turns her into one of the dead. The local security company manage to stop the second zombie from infecting others and causing a second outbreak, but the company must investigate to find out which zombie got loose. Then it kind of turns into a movie about a boy and his zombie against the world.

Fido is one of those movies that I heard about a lot and never got the chance to watch. In fact, I even added it to my Netflix queue a few years ago. When I renewed my membership last year, it was one of the only things still in my list from back then. Despite never watching it, I knew I had to when I found out it was expiring soon.

Though it has a great premise, it wasn't my favorite. While it has some funny moments and some good acting, there was just something I didn't like about it. Carrie-Anne Moss is great as Helen, the housewife stuck between the life she always wanted and the life she has, and K'Sun Ray did a good job as the adorable little scamp Timmy. Billy Connolly did a good job as the zombie too.

While I wanted to like it, there was just something a little too off putting about the story. Helen winds up falling for Fido and treating him more like a friend and later a boyfriend than she does a servant. When she finally ends up with him at the end, I can safely say that I was probably the only person not rooting for the two of them.

Helen isn't a very good character either. While I get that she's an unhappy housewife, she constantly laughs and pokes fun at her husband. We're supposed to laugh because we're not supposed to like him, but he's basically a veteran who helped save millions of people from becoming zombies. Most movies ask us to hate zombies because they will eat our faces off and kill us, but this movie wants us to root for those same characters.

Now that I've seen Fido, I can cross it off my list. I know a lot of people loved it, but I wasn't a big fan.

The Riverman – Wait, Cary Elwes Played Ted Bundy??

Runtime: 91 minutes

Release Date: September 6, 2004

Rating: NR

Director: Bill Eagles

Bruce Greenwood, who you might know from big time movies like Double Jeopardy, took some time away from the big screen to film this little known television movie about Ted Bundy. He apparently made it look so exciting that Cary Elwes decided to hop on board as the infamous serial killer himself.

This is usually the part where I do a whole plot outline, but there's really no need for one. This is based on the true story of both Bundy and Gary Ridgway, better known as the Green River Strangler. Ridgway confessed to killing more than 50 women and was convicted of killing nearly 50. He earned his nickname long before confessing to a single murder, and The Riverman tells the story of the police force tasked with finding the connection between a series of murdered women and eventually finding the killer.

Greenwood takes on the role of Robert Keppel, one of the most famous police detectives and criminal profilers in the world. As someone who is way too interested in serial killers, I actually have a copy of his most famous book sitting in my end table right now. Keppel turned to Bundy in the hopes of finding out what makes a serial killer tick and in the hopes of finding a way to catch the Green River Strangler. Believe it or not, those meetings actually did happen, which is what Keppel used in his book.

When I was just a wee little lass and not yet as in love with horror movies as I am today, I remember seeing a picture of Bundy on the cover of a magazine with a headline about his execution. I also remember my mom trying to change the subject when I kept repeatedly asking her about the man on the cover. It was years later when I picked up a copy of The Stranger Beside Me and learned all about his gruesome acts. BTW, I highly recommend all of Ann Rule's books for anyone who likes true crime stuff.

As for The Riverman, it was just kind of “meh” in my book. Greenwood is really the standout. He manages to show the heartbreaking work that Keppel did over the course of his career and how hard he worked to bring down the Green River Strangler. We even get to see the effects that his career had on his family and home life. The later scenes are a little distracting, mainly because the producers decided to cover him in cheap makeup in an attempt to look older than he really was.

While I really wanted to like Elwes as Bundy, there was just something off about his scenes. Though he's a good looking man in real life, he looked pale and a little psychotic in the film. Even while in prison, Bundy remained as sharp as a knife and was still able to trick people in the same way he did on the outside. Elwes seemed to forget he was playing a real man and wanted to just play a psycho killer.

Though The Riverman got some good reviews, I'm still on the hunt for a Ted Bundy story featuring someone who can actually deliver on the Bundy name.

Suspended Animation Movie Review

Runtime: 114 minutes

Release Date: December 25, 2001

Rating: ?

Director: John D. Hancock

Suspended Animation is like two, two, two movies in one.

Tom is one of the more popular animators working for some type of Disney studio when he decides to take off on a winter trip with some friends. After hitting the woods on snowmobiles, they become separated, and Tom accidentally crashes his in the woods and goes for help. An older woman answers the door and tells him that help will be there soon before introducing him to his sister and later promising that his friends will easily see the crashed vehicle.

Not long after they take him in, they quickly show their darker sides. While one sister is a little on the sweeter side, the other is dark and deadly. They tie him to a chair and talk about all the things they plan to do to him, which naturally include eating him. Though he tries to distract them with promises of making a movie based on them and creating animated characters that resemble them, they finally get him into the basement and begin doing everything they promised.

While that sounds like an interesting movie in its own right, Suspended Animation becomes something entirely different. After being rescued from the basement, his white knights kill one sister and claim they shot the other but no body is ever found. Tom then goes back to his old life with plans to turn his adventures into a new movie. When a new woman suddenly arrives in his life, he realizes that she may have a connection to what happened to him in the past.

Have you ever watched a movie where you loved the first half and tried to keep yourself awake for the second half? That's exactly how I felt about Suspended Animation. The first half, or at least the part of the film that took place with the sisters in the cabin, held my attention and kept me entertained. I loved seeing the way he tried to play the two of them and even turn them against each other. It was also interesting to see the dynamic between the three characters.

Though it started off a little slow, it didn't take too long before Tom realized that the sisters weren't quite as sweet or as innocent as he originally thought. All three actors in those roles did a great job of making you want to know what happened next. By the time the second half of the movie kicked in, I wasn't as interested anymore.

The second half deals with Tom meeting a woman who shows no interest in him and then suddenly wants to be his new BFF or at least FWB. There's a lot of confusing stuff that happened in the middle, with new characters arriving, the new girl keeping secrets, and basically me trying to figure out what the heck was going on. By the time it finally ended, I really didn't care too much what happened to anyone, which is sad because the beginning was so great.

Suspended Animation had a strong opening and then kind of faded away.

Saw 2 Movie Review – Jigsaw is Back

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: October 28, 2005

Rating: R

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Look forward to seeing reviews for all, or at least the first five, movies in the franchise in coming weeks. Though I own them all, we're in the process of working through the series on Netflix right now.

A man wakes up in a dirty room with a spiked collar around his neck and face. A video playing informs him that he has one minute to find the key hidden behind his eye to remove the trap. Like most of us, he fails in his task, and the mask/collar slams shut on him, hopefully killing him instantly.

In a disgusting building across town, a group of strangers wake up disoriented and confused. They find a recording that tells them they were all given an injection that will kill them unless they find the antidotes hidden all around the house. Xavier, the largest and quite possibly scariest of the group, receives his own note that urges him to use a key and escape on his own. Instead, the key causes a gun to fire that kills the first man.

In yet another part of town, Detective Eric Matthews is tasked with finally bringing an end to the murderous Jigsaw killings. He and his team find and arrest John Kramer, the man behind Jigsaw. Kramer tells him how he was diagnosed with life ending cancer and tried to kill himself by driving his car off a cliff. His survival made him realize that everyone deserves a second chance at life. That led to him creating his traps and testing others. At the same time that Detective Matthews learns that his son in trapped in the house, the others learn the connection the boy has to the man who arrested and brought them all down.

I cannot think of Saw 2 without thinking of a few key scenes. The first involves Amanda, one of the survivors of the first film. Claiming that she's a junkie who climbed back on the wagon after the events of the last movie, she's the one Xavier picks to climb into a pit filled with needles to find one of the antidotes. When he pushes her into that pit and you see the needles sticking out of her skin, I can't help cringing.

While a lot of people had problems with the later films and with the outlandish nature of the traps, Saw 2 had some really unsettling moments. Addison, a prostitute, discovers one of the antidotes inside a glass box with two holes in the bottom. When she can't get the vial with one hand, she pushes the other one inside, only to find that razor blades will slice her wrists off if she attempts to move, leading her to bleed out while still trapped partially in the box.

And let's not forget the poor man who was burned to death when he entered a furnace that locked him inside and turned itself on. Those three death scenes alone make the movie worth a watch, and that doesn't even include the ending, which features one of the last great twists in the series. Say what you want about the Saw flicks, but the first two were unbelievably great.

Saw Movie Review – You Know This One

Runtime: 103 minutes

Release Date: October 29, 2004

Rating: R

Director: James Wan

You already know the plot of Saw, but if you're like me and haven't seen it in a few years, let's go way back to the very beginning of one of the top grossing horror movie franchises in history.

Dr. Lawrence Gordon and a photographer named Adam wake up locked in a dirty and disgusting bathroom. Adam is chained by the ankle to a bathtub, while Lawrence is chained all the way across the room. When they first wake up, they find the body of a man with his head blown open laying in the center of the room. Though Adam does have two large saws, neither one is sharp enough or big enough to cut through his chains.

Through flashbacks, we learn all about a killer known as the Jigsaw Killer. Instead of shooting or stabbing people, he kidnaps them and places them in traps he designs himself. They need to do something serious in order to escape. He believes he is testing them and making them better. Both men have tape recorders that reveal messages for each one, letting them know that they are in a Jigsaw trap and that they have a limited time to escape. As the movie progresses, the two men learn the connections they had to the killer and find that they cannot trust the other...

Let me tell you the story about the first time I saw this movie. Everyone in real life and online kept talking about The Grudge, which I hadn't yet seen. I went to the movies, saw it, and had some time leftover with the next showing of Saw about to start. Went in, watched the movie, and didn't talk for a good 10 minutes after. Everything about Saw was so amazing that I couldn't believe more people weren't talking about it!

A lot of people talking about the Saw franchise in terms of the newer films without remembering how great the original was. The very first trap we see, which is the reverse bear trap Amanda wears on her head, sets the tone for everything that came later. We know that there's no way she could ever get out of that, which is what makes it so shocking when she actually does. We also get to meet Detective Kerry, who has one of the most gruesome death scenes later.

Part of what made Saw so great wasn't just the twist ending. By the way, I don't care what people say, NO ONE would have ever guessed that the dead man on the floor would get up and walk out later. It was the atmosphere of the film that made it so amazing. It showed that you didn't need a lot of fancy sets or effects to make a great movie. Leigh Whannell Cary Elwes literally carried that movie on their backs. They made us want to root for them and for them to escape, which is what made the ending so heartbreaking.

If you haven't seen Saw in awhile or still have memories of the later films in your head, it's time to head over to Netflix or pop in a copy of the first film.

See No Evil – Kane Be Scary

Runtime: 85 minutes
Release Date: May 19, 2006
Rating: R
Director: Gregory Dark


In preparation for See No Evil 2, the friends and I decided to sit down and watch the first film.


See No Evil opens with Frank Williams, a police officer, and his partner investigating a home. They find a woman with her eyes missing in the home, and a giant of a man suddenly appears from nowhere. After killing the partner, he rips off Williams arm before Williams manages to kill him.


A few years later, Williams is a man living in a tiny apartment by himself and struggling to move past what happened that day. He now has a fake hand and works with juvenile delinquents. He and his female counterpart work out an agreement with a local historical society. They'll bring in four guys and four girls to do some work around an old abandoned hotel, and each of the delinquents will receive one month off their sentences.


The kids are less than thrilled with the arrangement but agree in the hopes of getting lucky and maybe even escaping. One of those girls, Kira, instantly freaks out when she sees her former boyfriend Michael, who is the one who got her locked up. Williams agrees to take care of things and ensure that the two are never alone together. Things don't work out as planned, especially after Jacob Goodnight, the killer from the beginning, kills Williams and beings tracking the teens throughout the hotel.


First of all, why did no one think to put Kane aka Glen Jacobs, in a horror film before? He is easily one of the creepiest and scariest mo fos in the world, which didn't stop me from developing a small (not so small) crush on him during his wrestling days. When they put the fake nails and teeth on him, I want to run screaming for the hills. Then, when he uses those nails to literally poke out a person's eyeballs, I find myself squirming in my seat.


This blog is called The Best Deaths, but I haven't mentioned a best death in awhile, so I'll do it with this one. The best death is clearly when the snobby, bitchy, rich girl who steals a cell phone tries to hide in a closet from Jacob. He finds her hiding spot after hearing her phone ring. Without thinking twice, he shoves the cell phone in her mouth and right down her throat. Whenever I think about this movie, this is the scene I always remember. If you watched 666 Park Avenue or Transformers, you might just recognize the chick in this scene too.


I like to call See No Evil one of my guilty pleasure horror movies. While it might not be the best movie out there, it keeps me entertained and I like to go back and watch it every now and then. It's one of the few films that I don't regret buying without watching first.

Shrooms – Another Reason Not to go in the Woods

Runtime: 84 minutes
Release Date: November 23, 2007
Rating: NR
Director: Paddy Breathnach


The first time I saw Shrooms was when I had Netflix the first time, which was probably around 2008 or maybe 2009. I liked it so much that I gave it a four star rating and maybe even a five star rating. Every time I came across it somewhere else, I would stop and point out that I liked the film. While I still liked it after watching it recently, I didn't like it as fondly as I did in my mind.


Tara and some of her friends arrive in Ireland to hang out with their friend Jake. Jake previously studied at their college and had some kind of relationship with Tara. Though we never find out exactly what happened between them, it's clear that she still has a crush on him. They plan on camping in the woods by a former children's home and spending the weekends tripping on shrooms.


Jake gives them a quick primer on what to look for and what to avoid, warning them about the black deathcap mushrooms found in the woods. When the group splits off, Tara finds one of the deathcap shrooms and eats it. Though they find her and get her back to the camp, she has a major seizure and sees what will happen to them over the course of the weekend.


Later that night, Jake tells the group about the ghost stories that locals tell about the old children's home. Though everyone laughs it off, they also seem a little worried about spending the whole weekend away from civilization. It doesn't help that Jake takes all their phones and locks them in his glovebox to prevent them from freaking out on the shrooms and calling the cops. After one of the friends has a fight with his girlfriend, he drinks some of the tea made from the mushrooms, has a trip, imagines himself running into a man in a robe, and dies at the other man's hands. The remaining group members later find themselves running from a mysterious killer, but as they all drank the tea, there's no way of knowing what really happened and what is part of their trip.


Shrooms is never going to win a ton of awards or probably even acclaim from horror movie fans, but damn if it still isn't entertaining. One of the best moments occurs when Bluto, one of the jocks from the groups, hallucinates a talking cow in the middle of the woods. Not only does the cow warn him about going off on his own, but it gets the best line in the movie. When Bluto points out that the cow can talk, the cow responds in a deadpan voice, "that's cause you're outta your mind." How can you not love a horror movie that includes a talking cow?


On the second viewing, it took me about halfway through the movie before I remembered what happened in the end, which I consider a success. Far too many horror movies today are so one dimensional and predictable that you can almost guess the ending in the first few minutes. Shrooms just kind of pulled me into the movie and let me focus on the story and characters before I thought about the ending. That led to me making some weird, "oooh" sound and my roommate yelling at me not to ruin it for him.


Shrooms is a fun little movie that offers some nice distractions and a fun story. If you haven't seen it yet, jump on Netflix.

The Fog – What kind of fog moves against the wind?

Runtime: 100 minutes
Release Date: October 14, 2005
Rating: PG-13
Director: Rupert Wainwright


In 1871, William Blake desperately needed a new home for his people, all of whom were lepers, including his beautiful and much younger wife Elizabeth. After meeting some people living on an island off the coast of Oregon, he agreed to buy half their land and move his people there. The people then showed up, stole all of his money, and set his boat on fire, leaving him and his family and friends to die. Blake then cursed the people who killed him.


Nearly one hundred years later, the residents of the island prepare for the upcoming anniversary with a new statue devoted to its founders, the same people who killed the boat. Nick and his friends accidentally disrupt some artifacts while on their boat, which leads the ghosts of the murdered to come back to life.


This problem doesn't phase him given that his ex-girlfriend Elizabeth recently arrived back in town. Elizabeth receives a pocket watch from a creepy guy not long after arriving, and when she looks at the watch, she notices that weird things start happening. Nick also has to deal with Stevie, the radio show host he recently had a fling with, even though he supposedly remains devoted to his ex. After a mysterious fog descends over the town, everyone needs to come together to survive the night.


Pro tip: Do not watch The Fog remake with someone who is a big fan of the original. Not only do I think this movie is okay, but I actually own a copy. Unfortunately, that copy is somehow lost, so I decided to give it a go on Netflix one night. That led to my roommate sitting down next to me and constantly pointing out how things happened in the original while making it clear that the original is much better.


Confession time: I have only seen the original version of The Fog once and I pretty much don't remember anything about it. Ask me about this movie, and I can tell you character names, plot points, and other random facts.


The best and worst thing about this movie is the acting. Selma Blair is perfect as Stevie, and I actually just read that she was the original choice for the role but almost lost out on it. She does a good job of portraying a single mother and strong woman, though I do have a hard time believing that she would have a one night stand with someone like Tom Welling.


Speaking of Welling, did he even bother acting in this flick? It plays like some random universe where Clark Kent accidentally landed on a random island instead of Smallville. It probably doesn't help that he has absolutely no chemistry with Maggie Grace. Grace plays Elizabeth just like she does every role in her career, from the vapid and annoying chick on Lost to the vapid and annoying daughter in the Taken films. It's hard to believe that one man would fall in love with the character let alone two.


Though I liked The Fog the first few times I saw it, the last time was not the charm. I finally saw why the movie got such bad reviews when it first came out and why so many people still like it today. It's just a fairly forgettable horror flick that came out during the mass produced PG-13 horror movie days.

Identity Movie Review – "As I Was Going Up The Stairs, I Met a Man Who Wasn't There."

Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: April 25, 2003
Rating: R
Director: James Mangold


Malcolm Rivers is bat shit crazy, which explains why the serial killer is sitting in a room on a dark and stormy night. After introducing us to this character, the movie jumps to the middle of nowhere. A group of people, including Ed, a former police officer played by John Cusack, Samuel, a cop transporting a prisoner, a prostitute on the run, a young married couple, a famous actress, and a married couple with their young son, all find themselves stuck in a motel run by the unbelievably sexy John Hawkes.


As the rain falls down around them, they realize that they can't go anywhere for the night, which complicates things given that one of the group is near death after being hit by Ed's limousine. When the actress goes missing, they discover that a room key was left behind with her clothing. The group also learns that they all share the same birthday, but it doesn't take long before they discover that there is something else darker happening and that they might not all make it through the night.


I love, love, love Identity. While flipping through Netflix one night and learning that my roommate never saw it, I instantly put it on and made him sit down and watch the movie that same night. It's one of the few movies that I bought brand new when it first came out and without hearing a lot about it just because of Cusack. Sadly, Cusack isn't his best here. He pales in comparison to most of the other actors, including Amanda Peet. Though I'm not a fan of her work, she does a great job as a hooker with a heart of gold who just wants something more out of her life.


Identity also has a number of twists and turns that make you actually sit down and focus on the movie. Just when you think you know what's going on, you learn that you were wrong. It twists the identity of the killer, the people in the film, and even who the characters are, and it has one of the best and most talented casts in horror films. John Hawkes, who I obviously have quite the crush on, always plays those weird and quirky and sometimes smarmy characters, and he does it best here.


If for some strange reason you still haven't seen Identity, go watch it on Netflix. Seriously, go watch it right now. I'll wait.

While She Was Out Movie Review

Runtime: 88 minutes
Release Date: March 26, 2009
Rating: R
Director: Susan Montford


Della is the type of housewife that you see a dozen times a day and don't think twice about. She can't really handle her children, who seem to run all over her, and she definitely can't handle her abusive husband Kenneth. After yet another fight with him, she decides to go the nearby shopping mall and pick up some things for Christmas. After seeing a car taking up two spots in the crowded parking lot, she leaves a nasty note.


Later, Della comes back to her car and sees the car from before pulling up behind her. In a stupid move, she hops out of her car and confronts the men inside, whom threaten to rape and murder her. When a security guard tries to help, they shoot and kill him. Della races away, but they follow her. After a car accident forces her from her car, she finds herself on the run in the woods with the young men hot on her tail.


I saw a trailer for While She Was Out a few years ago, but I never heard anything about a release date. It was a nice surprise to see the movie sitting on the shelf at my local rental place with a rental price of 50 cents. The movie itself isn't bad and it's even entertaining at times, but it was one of those movies where I spent more time screaming at the television than paying attention to the movie.


It starts with Della leaving the note on the car. We already know that she's doormat and that everyone walks all over her, so why would she feel the need to act out at that moment? Then, when the car comes back, she decides to get out and actually talk to them. Why would she do that? If some random car pulls up next to me in a deserted parking lot, I am taking off as fast as possible. I'm sure as hell not coming out and asking what their deal is. The movie establishes her as a docile doormat, but she suddenly becomes a big and strong woman.


While She Was Out asks viewers to suspend belief for awhile, but it finally gets to the point where you just can't do it anymore. If the movie gave us any reason to show Della's strength, we would understand her motivations. She doesn't think about her children or her husband, and she never explains why she suddenly decides to stand up for herself or where her strength comes from. She just goes from a blank character to a strong character. I can understand that the director wants to show the change that Della goes through, but it seems to happen a little too fast. I wanted to see just a little more character development in this one.

Final Destination 3 Movie Review – "Not Again!"

Runtime: 93 minutes
Release Date: February 10, 2006
Rating: R
Director: James Wong


Wendy is spending Senior Night at an amusement park with her best friend, boyfriend, and her boyfriend's best friend Kevin. Kevin is also dating her best friend and plans to propose, not knowing that she wants to dump him. When it comes time to ride the big roller coaster in the park, Wendy and Kevin end up stuck together in the back. The roller coaster goes off the tracks, and she sees everyone die before flashing back and realizing that it was just a premonition.


Wendy instantly wants off, and she tries to get others to follow. A few people willingly give up their seats, while others get thrown off because of a fight. Her boyfriend, best friend, and everyone else dies on the roller coaster. Like all of the other Final Destination movies, death comes after each person who should have died that day on the coaster. Kevin is the only one who believes her, and everyone else thinks that she's crazy even as she goes out of her way to save their lives.


I said before that the Final Destination movies are my favorite horror movie franchise, but this one isn't as good as the earlier films. For every good death in the film, there's another that doesn't seem nearly as good. We get two vapid girls trapped in a tanning booth as a fire breaks out that literally melts them, but then we get a guy smashed in a gym. We also have a random death of a person killed when a post goes through her body, but the movie doesn't even establish her as a character. The other films did a good job of making us care about the different characters and become involved in their stories, but this one just wants us to focus on the deaths.


Wendy eventually learns that her little sister should have died on the roller coaster, but even that storyline seems forced. We constantly see the two of them fighting and Julie acting like a spoiled brat. She only cares about herself, wants her sister to do things for her, and doesn't seem to even care that her sister just lost her best friend and boyfriend. By the time we learn she was on the coaster, I wanted to see her die. Instead, we see one of her friend's die, and that character only appeared maybe twice before that scene.


Had Final Destination actually spent some time on character development, I think it would have been a stronger movie. Despite that, the movie did make me look twice every time I see a tanning salon...

Final Destination 2 Movie Review – "We're All Going to Die."

Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: January 31, 2002
Rating: R
Director: David R. Ellis


Kimberly (A.J. Cook, Ripper) is a college kid ready to enjoy spring break with her friends. After talking to her father, she climbs in a car with her best female friend and two male friends. They stop just before getting on the highway, and she flips the radio from a report on Flight 180 to music. When they finally get on the highway, a truck carrying logs crashes on the road, leading to a massive wreck that leaves everyone dead. Kimberly then looks up and realizes that they're not yet on the highway and that she had a premonition. When she blocks the road, a local sheriff named Thomas hops out of his car to talk to her. They see the car wreck happen from the safety of the road, but the cop saves her life before the wreck takes the lives of her friends.


Like with all the Final Destination movies, death decides to come back for those who escaped. After researching premonitions online, Kimberly learns that Alex and Carter from the first film died. Though Clear survived, she checked herself into a mental institution and plans to stay there for the rest of her life. She and Thomas go to see Clear, who warns them of death's design. Fearing they didn't believe her, she checks herself out and follows them, arriving in time to warn them to look out for future premonitions and to warn the others that death is coming.


Final Destination 2 decided to increase the gore of the first film, which is something that every other film tried to do. Instead of something simple like a hanging, this film makes sure that everyone dies in the worst way possible. We get a teenage boy crushed like jelly by a piece of glass falling on his head, a paramedic shaking a car with the jaws of life which causes a log to go through a woman's body, a woman decapitated by an elevator door, and a man ripped into pieces by a flying wire fence, and that doesn't even include the explosion that occurs towards the end of the film.


This all leads me to a painful conclusion: Final Destination 2 is even better than the original. We get the hunky Michael Landes (who I always remember from either Special Unit 2 or Lois and Clark) popping up as a cop who not only believes in premonitions but actually tries to help, and we get the adorable Keegan Connor Tracy turning up as a bitchy city girl. We even have A.J. Cook taking over the lead role. If you haven't seen Ripper yet, do it now.


Final Destination 2 didn't really need to make a connection to the first film, but it makes that connection in a fairly realistic way. We learn that death wants these people not just because they escaped the highway crash, but because they each escaped death once before. Each character survived a deadly situation before because of Flight 180. One woman missed dying in a gas leak because she didn't arrive at her hotel due to hitting Terry in the first movie, and someone else avoided death because he helped clean up Billy's body from the train death.


While I don't watch the second movie as much as I watch the first one, after seeing Final Destination 2 again recently, I might start watching it a little more.

My Little Eye Movie Review – "Do You Think They're Punishing Us?"

Runtime: 95 minutes
Release Date: October 4, 2002
Rating: R
Director: Marc Evans


Like The Real World, five strangers agree to live in a house in the middle of nowhere and let someone film everything that happens. The deal is simple. If they all survive until the end of the six months, they walk away with $1 million. If even one person drops out before the end, no one gets a dime.


The first few weeks go off without a hitch. Though they struggle with boredom and some personal issues, they manage to get through their days. Their unknown benefactor then decides to up the ante by limiting their food and making them find their own supplies. They then begin learning of things that might make them run from the house. The loveable Danny receives a message that his beloved grandfather died, but he decides to stay there instead of leaving for the funeral. The quiet and sometimes meek Emma discovers blood drops on her pillow that no one can explain, but even that won't make her leave.


One day, a man named Travis stumbles across their home. Claiming that he got lost in the woods, they agree to let him stay for the night. After Travis tells them that he works around computers every day and never once heard anything about the reality television that they're on, they begin wondering if they're really part of a new show or if there's something darker happening.


Years ago, I stumbled across a little movie called My Little Eye when searching for horror films on Netflix. I told multiple people of the movie and recommended it to several friends. Recently, a friend and I sat down to watch the movie, and I wondered how my memories and the actually movie could differ so much. My Little Eye definitely isn't as good as I remembered it in my head.


The movie takes place during the early days of the Internet. The idea of seeing a group of people trapped in a house for months seemed new, fresh, and different, but now, we can look online and see hundreds of similar shows every day. I think that's the main problem with the movie: it no longer seems fresh and it actually seems pretty dated. Today, we could just grab a cell phone and surf the web for any mention of a show, but these people are completely stranded in a house in the middle of nowhere.


The main reason we watched the movie is because my friend is a big fan of Bradley Cooper, and this was one of his early films. He plays Travis, the strange man who turns up on their doorstep, and the character is easily one of the oddest in the film. While having sex, he takes the time to look up at the camera and make it clear that he knows exactly what is going on. What makes it odd is that Travis disappears in the middle of the night. The other characters should find this odd, but they barely even note his disappearance.


My Little Eye was a good film during its time, but today, it plays like just another movie that many people will watch and forget.

Final Destination Movie Review

Runtime: 98 minutes
Release Date: March 17, 2000
Rating: R
Director: James Wong


Alex (Devon Sawa) is about to take a school trip with his buddies. After reaching the airport and climbing on Flight 180, they take off for Paris. An engine problem causes an explosion on the plane, and Alex sees everyone killed in gruesome ways. Alex comes to and realizes that it was a horrific premonition of what will happen. He flips out, and he throws such a big fit that the airline makes him get off the plane. One of his teachers agrees to stay behind and sort things out and some of the other students get off too. While working things out, they see the original plane exploded just like it did in his premonition.


Everyone suddenly looks at Alex a little differently and some even blame him for the explosion. The only person seemingly on his side is Clear (Ali Larter), an artist classmate who he previously never even noticed. His friend Tod dies in a way that the police deem as suicide, but he and Clear meet William Bludworth (Tony Todd), who tells them that death is coming for all of them. After Alex changed death's plan, death wants to come for them. Though Alex doesn't believe him, he has to change his mind when each person he saved begins dying in the same order they would have died on the flight.


Let me clear something up right away: I love the Final Destination movies, and it's probably my favorite horror franchise or at least in the top two or three. I saw this movie six times in the theaters, and I probably watch it once a year. There is almost nothing about the movie that I don't love.


There's the bully Carter, who somehow thinks that Alex was responsible for everyone dying but learns that Alex actually saved his life. Terry, Carter's girlfriend, who thinks that he should put aside his issues and be grateful for what he has. We even get a teacher that can't let go of what happened and a dorky sidekick type character.


Granted, it does get a little grating when they constantly blame Alex for what happened, and Miss Letwon is the worst of the group. She is so afraid to be around him that she basically tells him to just go. She feels guilty for letting another teacher stay on the plane, and she doesn't know how to cope with her own survival. It's also a little odd that the police get involved when multiple people die. They somehow decide that Alex must have something to do with the unexpected deaths even though they have no proof.


Eh, I can totally overlook those problems. Final Destination has a number of great deaths. The scene where a girl tells them to "drop dead" before getting hit by a bus ranks as one of m favorite shocking/surprising deaths in a horror movie. We also get a scene of a killer wire, a man getting decapitated by a piece of flaming train debris, and multiple people dying in an explosion. Not to mention that I still take a moment to look around when I hear John Denver. Despite seeing a number of recent horror films that I enjoyed, Final Destination still ranks as one of my faves.

"When A Stranger Calls" Movie Review – Have You Checked the Children?

Runtime: 87 minutes

Release Date: February 3, 2006

Rating: PG-13

Director: Simon West

Jill is a typical high school student with a boyfriend and a high cell phone bill. Her dad is so upset over her most recent bill that he grounds her and takes away her phone, and he arranges for her to take a babysitting job for a couple she never met before. As the kids recently were sick, the mother recommends that she just let him sleep, leaving Jill to rummage through the house and watch television all night.

A stranger calls her on the phone, makes some vague comments, and hangs up. When he calls back, she calls the police and asks for help. They can't really do anything, but let her know they might be able to help if he calls back again. Her best friend Tiffany randomly shows up, and when Jill makes her leave, the killer dispatches of her friend. Throughout the night, he keeps calling back until he finally begins asking about the children, leaving Jill to wonder what he really wants.

The original "When A Stranger Calls" is one of my favorite campy films, but the remake is a close second. I know a lot of people hated this film, but I didn't have a problem with it, and I think it holds up well. The mid-2000s saw a number of PG and PG-13 rated horror films hitting the theater, and horror films complained. I saw this in the theater, bought a copy when it came out, and I've probably watched it once a year ever since then. There is just something campy about the movie that I really like.

Camilla Belle manages to carry almost the entire film on her shoulders. For a good portion of the movie, she only interacts with a voice on the phone. She does a great job of playing a teenager who doesn't know what she should do. She doesn't want to call her dad and make him think she's a kid, but she also doesn't want to stay in the house alone.

Speaking of the house, this is easily one of the coolest films I ever saw in any film let alone a horror movie. The house is unbelievably cool and creepy at the same time. If you haven't watched "When A Stranger Calls" because of the bad reviews, just give it a shot.

Prom Night Movie Review – A Night to Die For

Runtime: 88 minutes

Release Date: April 11, 2008

Rating: PG-13

Director: Nelson McCormick

Donna (Brittney Snow) is a typical high school student who comes home to find most of her family dead. After hiding under her bed, she sees her teacher, Mr. Fenton (Jonathon Schaech, "Dark Circles"), murder her mother. The police manage to catch him, and he winds up in a mental institution.

Three years later, Donna is in high school, living with her aunt and uncle, and getting ready for her high school prom. Her best friends help her get ready for the big night, but she keeps thinking that she sees Fenton around town. When she leaves for her prom, she doesn't know that Fenton actually escaped and is staying in a room in the same hotel. Fenton starts working his way through the crowds, eliminating her friends and everyone he thinks is competition while a detective is hot on his trail.

I cannot believe how much hate the remake of "Prom Night" gets! I have actually heard people say it's not as good as the original. Are you kidding me? Have you seen the original lately? All I have to do is think about that dance scene, and I'm done. I think some of the hate relies on the fact that it was yet another PG-13 horror movie that came out marketed towards teens in the middle of 957 billion other PG-13 horror movies marketed towards teens.

I don't have a problem with "Prom Night," and I even like it. My big problem is with the casting of Schaech. This is a man who is so attractive that he married Christina Applegate, and yet we're supposed to believe that he scared a teenage girl so much that she had a restraining order against him. With the way teens are today, she'd be more likely to have sex with him in his car than cry about how he was stalking her.

The PG-13 rating does get to me because it limits how much action we see. We get a lot of shots of Schaech looking menacing, someone screaming, and the a cut to people dancing. I highly recommend the unrated version, which has a little more action and gore. If you only ever watched the version that played in theaters, track down a copy of the unrated "Prom Night."

The Hills Have Eyes 2 Movie Review – Don't Freak Out

Runtime: 89 minutes

Release Date: March 23, 2007

Rating: R

Director: Martin Weisz

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy. Throw a guy in the hole in a portie pottie, and I'm a happy camper.

"The Hills Have Eyes 2" completely disregards the fact that several people survived the end of the first one and probably went to the authorities to tell them what happened. It instead picks up with a woman giving birth to a mutant baby before getting killed by an adult mutant. We then see a group of scientists working in the empty desert who wind up being killed by the mutants too.

The film then jumps again to a group of National Guard soldiers, who must go into the desert to look for the scientists. Among them are Amber (Jessica Stroup, "Prom Night"), Missy (Daniella Alonso, "Wrong Turn 2: Dead End"), and Crank (Jacob Vargas, "Devil"). The soldiers split into two groups: one group stays behind to try and use the communication devices, while the other group heads into the desert to look for the scientists.

The group that stays behind is the group that finds the man left behind in the toilet. Turns out that the mutants cut him hundreds of time and dumped him in the poo, knowing the bacteria would kill him. The other group head up the cliffs, have a bunch of problems, someone gets hurt, and they encounter the mutants. Once the groups meet up, they need to figure out how to get away without dying.

Modern horror films get a lock of flack from fans, but damn it if I don't love "The Hills Have Eyes 2." I know I mentioned in the beginning that it doesn't reference the past film, but it does to a point. The writers, which include Wes motherfucking Craven, drop some hints that indicate the survivors went for help and that the government sent the scientists out there to make a satellite device that could track their movements.

This film does a good job of combining humor and horror. The first time I saw this in the theater, I was absolutely disgusted by the man in the toilet. There is something so gruesome about that moment, and you actually feel something for the poor guy. I can't imagine a worse way to die.

"The Hills Have Eyes 2" is a lot of fun, and while it isn't as good as the first one, it's pretty damn good for a sequel.