Movie Review: The Conjuring 2 – Oh God, Not Another One

Runtime: 134 minutes

Release Date: June 10, 2016

Rating: R

Director: James Wan

Nothing will make me believe a “true story” less than a film that starts out with an investigation of the Amityville case. The Conjuring 2 takes us to New York as Ed and Lorraine investigate the “haunted” house. They then do a television interview that causes Ed to lash out at man who doesn't believe in him or his wife. When the man makes a comment about how Lorraine never met a house that wasn't haunted, I laughed my ass off. Ed recently started having visions of a demon, and when Lorraine reveals that she “saw” the same creature kill him, they agree to take a break from ghost hunting.

Too bad that there is another case about to bring them back to the fold. Over in England, a young girl named Janet gets in trouble for smoking on school grounds. Even though she was just holding her friend's cigarette, her mom doesn't want to hear it. Peggy is a single mother of four kids living in a council house and just trying to hold things together since her husband knocked up a woman around the corner and took off. Janet brings home a spirit board that she made with her friend, which seemingly sets off something sinister in the house.

Janet “levitates” in the air at several points. They hear knocking inside the walls, and furniture moves on its own. Janet then begins speaking in a demonic voice. A police officer even sees the furniture move. The family moves in with a friend and calls the church for help. The church then invites the Warrens to spend a weekend in England. Based on what they find, the church will decide what to do next.

Though the Warrens enter with no idea of what to expect, they quickly find that there is something sinister happening in the house. Of course. Despite evidence that Janet and her sister faked a good portion of the poltergeist activity, Ed becomes convinced that he must save the poor family. Lorraine has to keep a watchful eye on him and hope the demon doesn't return.

I have absolutely no belief whatsoever in anything the Warrens ever did. Hearing all the evidence about the Amityville case, it really pisses me off that she still swears it all happened. She's even given interviews and talked about things that others proved didn't happen but still says it did. Reading up on the case about the “true” story in this movie only pissed me off more. Those kids admitted that they made stuff up, people caught them faking stuff on camera, and don't even get me started on the bull shit “levitation” thing. Other also spoke out and claimed that the two only spent a single day in England, but the film version has us believing that Ed swept in like an action hero and saved them all. Gag me.

Despite really not liking The Conjuring, I disliked The Conjuring 2 even more. There was maybe one scene in the film that had me freaking out, which was when the demon nun came at Lorraine through a picture frame. Everything else had the sense of something I saw before. As much as I like James Wan, I wish he would just abandon this franchise and move on.

Lizzie Borden Took an Ax Movie Review – How Did This Inspire a Show??

Runtime: 87 minutes

Release Date: January 25, 2014

Rating: NR

Director: Nick Gomez

Despite my Christina Ricci loving roommate renting this when it first came out on DVD and me having it in my Netflix queue for months, it took a rainy Saturday and the house to myself for me to actually sit down and watch it. All I can say is that I'm shocked this led to Lifetime doing a whole show about Lizzie Borden.

Lizzie Borden Took an Ax wants you to believe that Lizzie was just a young lady with a frisky spirit, or at least in the very beginning. Despite the fact that people in town view both she and her sister as spinsters, Lizzie has a ton of friends and a bit of a teenage attitude. She's not above sneaking out of the house to hang out and drink with her friends, and when she learns that her stepmother cut off her line of credit a a dress shop, she simply steals what she wants.

Oh, and let's not forget that she clearly has an incestuous relationship going on with her father. Despite there being no evidence or even any rumors of insect, she's constantly touching her father in inappropriate ways, bringing up the fact that he always wears the ring she gave him, and acting more like his girlfriend than his daughter. Honestly though, if Stephen McHattie was around me, I'd probably have a hard time keeping my hands to myself too!

After some backstory, we finally cut to the infamous day. Lizzie screams from her father's office and tells the maid that someone killed him. While talking to the police, she mentions her stepmother and how someone should check on her, which leads to the police finding her dead too. Though there is very little evidence in the case, the police arrest her and put her on trial. They dig up things like how she bought rat poison and her family later got sick and how she despised her stepmother, but the jury finds her innocent and sends her home.

Then, in a scene that makes it clear Lifetime considered this a one time thing, Lizzie confesses to her sister that it was her all along! Gasp, the horror!

Lizzie Borden Took an Ax was bad, even for a Lifetime movie. It felt like whoever wrote the film only knew the basics of the story and decided to make up a bunch of stuff to fit what he/she wanted. Christina Ricci, who is usually so much better, plays Lizzie like some teenage girl who wants to rebel against her parents by drinking and hanging out with a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. It doesn't help that Ricci is incredibly skinny in this movie. Seeing all of her bones poking through her skin was the creepiest part of the movie. Clea Duvall, who I also love, was just wasted her. As Lizzie's sister Emma, she does nothing more than stand around in the background, occasionally voice her doubts, and then do nothing.

Lizzie Borden Took an Ax is just another bad made for television movie based off a real story that spent too much time focusing on fictional things than dealing with the actual story. I'd love someone to do a similar story but actually do a good job.

Fatal Honeymoon – Lifetime Strikes Again

Runtime: 99 minutes

Release Date: August 25, 2012

Rating: NR

Director: Nadia Tass

I promise that Fatal Honeymoon will be the last Lifetime movie I review for quite a long time.

Tina is a sweet, innocent, and somewhat wholesome girl who makes the mistake of crossing paths with Gabe. He's cocky, stubborn, and such a massive asshole that her friends and family wonder what she sees him and why she agreed to date him. She later introduces Gabe to her dad Tommy who instantly doesn't like him. Tina actually has to get in the middle of them when her dad calls her boyfriend out on his rude behavior.

After dating for awhile and moving in together, Tina assumes that marriage is next on the agenda, but Gabe doesn't seem to feel quite the same way. He's more concerned with living his playboy lifestyle and being the big man on campus, even though college ended. When she finally confronts him about their future, he tells her that he bought a ring and will propose when the time is right. She keeps seeing the ring sitting out and when he won't propose, she finally walks out on him.

That leads Gabe to finally pop the question and begin planning their wedding, though he really cares more about the honeymoon. He convinces her to take up diving and plan their honeymoon around a diving trip, even though being in the water scares her. Gabe also pushes her to change her life insurance policy to him. She fails to do so but asks her dad not to tell Gabe as she walks down the aisle.

To make a long story a little less long, Tina winds up dead on their honeymoon. Several witnesses come forward to say that they saw him give her a “bear hug” in the water, and a picture gets released that shows her dead body in the water. With evidence mounting against him, he turns himself into the Australian police to face charges but gets off free. Tommy devotes himself to finding evidence that will put his former son-in-law behind bars.

Fatal Honeymoon is actually a really interesting movie that will leave you angry at the end. This jackass actually got married to another woman while telling reporters how much he loved his former wife and grieved over his loss. Though American police later arrested him for murder, they threw the case out because of a lack of evidence. He's now free to roam around and live a long life while the woman he treated like shit is dead and her loved ones still grieve.

Even though this is a Lifetime movie, Harvey Keitel is really in his element. You'll understand why Tina's dad didn't trust Gabe and why he worked so hard to find evidence that the man murdered his daughter. I have to admit that I actually got a little teary eyed in the end and wound up spending way too much time online reading about the case and true story.

If you don't like Lifetime movies but have an interest in true crime like me, I would recommend watching Fatal Honeymoon and then learning more about the true case.

Whisper of Fear Movie Review – AKA Stalkers

Runtime: 90 minutes

Release Date: April 13, 2013

Rating: NR

Director: Mark Tonderai

Time for yet another Lifetime movie review! What can I say? I had to watch what I could before they expired on Netflix.

Diane Harkin is a new to the force police officer. Though the city has a hiring freeze, she apparently had some friends in higher places who helped her land the job, which leaves her less than accepted by her peers. What they don't know is what she changed her name after leaving her abusive ex-husband and took off for a new city with their son in tow.

One of her first cases involves a woman forced off the road by her abusive husband and then shot to death. No one else takes it very serious, even when she shows them proof that the guy stalked her for years. She then takes on a case where a woman named Jane and her current boyfriend are stalked by a woman named Ivy. When Diane learns that Julia from the DA's office didn't file charges, she makes it her personal mission to help Jane in any way possible.

After Ivy continues her stalking, Diane turns to Julia for help. Since this is a Lifetime movie, Julia is currently sleeping with her married boss and believes that he'll help her set up a new task force to bring an end to stalking. He actually goes behind her back and decides to use the funds for that project in a completely new way. As Ivy's stalking intensifies, the two women decide to work together to change the current stalking laws.

As much as I usually love Lifetime movies, this one was way too ridiculous even for me. Jane has a boyfriend who she loves and then has a chance meeting in an elevator with Ivy. After her car won't start, Ivy gives her a ride home. The director tries to show that they have chemistry but it doesn't really work. We then get to see them on their third meeting where they suddenly have so much chemistry that they wind up having sex together.

Ivy somehow has access to all the boyfriend's financial records through her job, so she sets it up so that he loses the loan he already had secured for his new bakery. Can that even happen? The boyfriend goes to Jane, asks her to sign a loan for him, and then storms off and dumps her when she refuses. They then somehow wind up back together without the film explaining what the hell just happened.

It's also pretty ridiculous that this is based on a true story but changes everything about the real story. If I remember correctly, it doesn't even take place in the same city or same state. Drea de Matteo pretty much plays the same character that she does in every film: the hard and tough as nails NY/NJ chick, and Jodi Lynn O'Keefe as Julia practically sleepwalks through the whole film.

The only shining spot is Mena Suvari as Ivy. You can't see her inside the walls and staring at Jane through the vents without feeling at least a minor chill go up your back. Since the rest of the movie is pretty lame, I'm glad I watched it when I had nothing else going on.

She Made Them Do It – Kind of a Screwy Story

Runtime: 90 minutes

Release Date: February 28, 2013

Rating: NR

Director: Grant Harvey

Sarah is a Purdue University student living in a house with her boyfriend, his friend, and the friend's girlfriend. As the movie begins, she's far from perfect. Not only does she use a lot of cocaine, but she's apparently been selling it with her boyfriend's help on campus. The money she makes goes straight into a box that she plans to take back with her to college. That's the plan until she checks it and finds it empty. Turns out that her male roommate took the money to pay for more drugs.

She Made Them Do It lets us believe that her boyfriend killed the two and that she helped him get rid of the bodies before going on the run. It doesn't take long before they both get caught and wind up in jail. Sarah meets a woman named Jamie who believes in her innocence and promises to help her, but she gets convicted off little evidence and gets 110 years in prison. While things don't necessarily go well for her, she does manage to make some new friends and even learn in the prison library.

When Sarah learns that a corrupt prison guard can help her get comforts of home in exchange for sex, she starts a relationship with him. That relationship ends with him working with Jamie to help her smuggle drugs into prison and later help her escape. She goes on the run with help from some of her former prison pals as a US Marshall follows on her tail.

Here's the thing, I lived in Indiana where this film is set and where the true story happened, and I literally never heard a single thing about it. The film does a good job of telling the story in such a way that you aren't really sure who to believe or know what really happened. While the director portrays Sarah as a sweet and wholesome college student, he also introduces evidence that shows her as anything but wholesome. She apparently threatened a woman who got in her way, might have encouraged her boyfriend to kill their friends before using the gun on them herself, and probably manipulated a lot of people to do everything she wanted them to do.

The problem is that I later went and read more about the actual case and doubt a lot of what the film presents. There is actually very little evidence that she did or had any part in the murders. The police had no evidence except for a letter she supposedly wrote to her boyfriend where she confessed to being there and taking part in the murders. He later said she never wrote it, and one of his cellmates stated multiple times that he forged the letter. There is also a jail house snitch who says she confessed to him, but he actually came forward with similar stories regarding other people.

As a Lifetime movie, She Made Them Do It is a lot better than some of the films I saw on the network over the years. Jenna Dewan Tatum is absolutely amazing and does a good job of making you wonder if she's innocent or guilty. I also have no clue why more people don't crush on her. As a straight women, I'd pick her over her husband any day. While it was an interesting movie, I highly encourage anyone who watches it to go back and read more about the real case after finishing it.

The Riverman – Wait, Cary Elwes Played Ted Bundy??

Runtime: 91 minutes

Release Date: September 6, 2004

Rating: NR

Director: Bill Eagles

Bruce Greenwood, who you might know from big time movies like Double Jeopardy, took some time away from the big screen to film this little known television movie about Ted Bundy. He apparently made it look so exciting that Cary Elwes decided to hop on board as the infamous serial killer himself.

This is usually the part where I do a whole plot outline, but there's really no need for one. This is based on the true story of both Bundy and Gary Ridgway, better known as the Green River Strangler. Ridgway confessed to killing more than 50 women and was convicted of killing nearly 50. He earned his nickname long before confessing to a single murder, and The Riverman tells the story of the police force tasked with finding the connection between a series of murdered women and eventually finding the killer.

Greenwood takes on the role of Robert Keppel, one of the most famous police detectives and criminal profilers in the world. As someone who is way too interested in serial killers, I actually have a copy of his most famous book sitting in my end table right now. Keppel turned to Bundy in the hopes of finding out what makes a serial killer tick and in the hopes of finding a way to catch the Green River Strangler. Believe it or not, those meetings actually did happen, which is what Keppel used in his book.

When I was just a wee little lass and not yet as in love with horror movies as I am today, I remember seeing a picture of Bundy on the cover of a magazine with a headline about his execution. I also remember my mom trying to change the subject when I kept repeatedly asking her about the man on the cover. It was years later when I picked up a copy of The Stranger Beside Me and learned all about his gruesome acts. BTW, I highly recommend all of Ann Rule's books for anyone who likes true crime stuff.

As for The Riverman, it was just kind of “meh” in my book. Greenwood is really the standout. He manages to show the heartbreaking work that Keppel did over the course of his career and how hard he worked to bring down the Green River Strangler. We even get to see the effects that his career had on his family and home life. The later scenes are a little distracting, mainly because the producers decided to cover him in cheap makeup in an attempt to look older than he really was.

While I really wanted to like Elwes as Bundy, there was just something off about his scenes. Though he's a good looking man in real life, he looked pale and a little psychotic in the film. Even while in prison, Bundy remained as sharp as a knife and was still able to trick people in the same way he did on the outside. Elwes seemed to forget he was playing a real man and wanted to just play a psycho killer.

Though The Riverman got some good reviews, I'm still on the hunt for a Ted Bundy story featuring someone who can actually deliver on the Bundy name.

Devil's Pass Movie Review

Runtime: 100 minutes
Release Date: February 28, 2013
Rating: R
Director: Renny Harlin


Holly and Jensen are two college students looking for their next project decide to tackle the Dyatlov Pass incident. As one of the Internet's most favorite unsolved mysteries, thousands of people over the years attempted to discover what happened to a group of hikers who died under mysterious circumstances. The two convince three others to join them on a hike through the same area to film a documentary.


From the moment they arrive in Russia, they face opposition from all sides. The only person attached to the original group is in a mental hospital and unable to talk to them, and everyone else seems suspicious or downright angry about them being there. Some people act hostile towards them, while others outright tell them to leave. Once they finally begin their trek up the mountain, they learn that they might await the same fate as those on the original expedition.


I first heard about the true story on Cracked, and thanks to Reddit, I now know more about the story than I ever planned. As soon as I heard there was a horror movie based on the story, I knew that I had to see it. After learning that director Renny Harlin also had an interest in the story and did some research of his own, I knew that I really wanted to see it.


The problem with creating a film on such a popular story is that it's impossible to please everyone. Harlin decided to create a story that would offer a possible explanation on what happened to those involved in the original case, but it actually doesn't answer any questions. Instead of focusing on the true story, he decides to add some elements, including two people who were mysteriously never mentioned in any transcripts and make a story based on those people. While it does add some interesting moments, it really takes away from the real story.


How could you take a story about people found in various states of undress, with cuts all over their bodies, and with possible traces of radiation and turn it into a (spoiler alert) time traveling story gone wrong? I wish Harlin had just stuck with the real facts and based a horror movie around that.

The Frozen Ground Movie Review

Runtime: 105 minutes
Release Date: August 23, 2013
Rating: R
Director: Scott Walker


Jack Halcombe (Nicholas Cage) is a police detective tasked with bringing down a violent serial killer preying on women in Anchorage, Alaska. Robert Hansen (John Cusack, Identity) is that serial killer he wants to find. After abducting a teenage girl, Cindy, who works as a stripper and prostitute, Hansen makes the mistake of not fighting hard enough when she escapes. Cindy goes directly to the police and agrees to help Halcombe find the man who took her captive.


I am a true crime junky. I've seen hundreds of movies about serial killers, I own every book Ann Rule ever wrote, my tablet is full of true crime books from other authors I bought with my Christmas gift cards, and I considered going to graduate school to study forensic psychology. That said, The Frozen Ground is one of those films that, to quote Peter Griffin, really grinds my gears.


The film attempts to follow the true story, but for some reason, decided to rename Glenn Flothe to Jack Halcombe. Given the stories about Cage, maybe he just didn't like the name because it didn't sound like a superhero. Who knows? It also does a poor job of delving into the actual story. Yes, we hear about Cindy, but we don't really hear about anything else. It almost seems like they just want us to care about one person and not all of his other victims.


And, caring about that one victim is almost impossible when they decided to cast Vanessa Hudgens in the role. Hudgens, who I most recently saw in that awful Spring Breakers movie, is hard to root for. She works as a stripper, does large amounts of drugs, and is just generally not a nice character. I don't want anyone to think that I don't give a crap about some people, but I don't give a crap about Hudgens. She's so unlikeable that I found myself wishing her scenes were shorter.


No one really does a solid job in this flick. I like Nicholas Cage, but this seems like yet another one of those movies that he only took because the script landed on his desk. I don't know how anyone could believe him as a police officer, let alone a detective who cares so much about bringing down a serial killer that he will do anything it takes to stop him.


That brings us to John Cusack. As a woman, I have a crush on Cusack. It started with Say Anything, but flicks like Identity, Grosse Pointe Blank, High Fidelity, and 1408 only helped sustain my crush. Seeing him in The Frozen Ground made me wonder what the heck he was thinking. Though he could portray a serial killer with one arm tied behind his back, he did a poor job in this one. Putting a pair of glasses on a guy won't make him look like a killer.


All in all, I wish that I had skipped The Frozen Ground. I grabbed it one night from the video store and only paid a buck something to rent it, but I wish I had just skipped it and watched Say Anything instead.