Mine Games – Don't Go in Abandoned Mines!

Runtime: 92 minutes

Release Date: September 16, 2014

Rating: ?

Director: Richard Gray

Michael, his girlfriend Lyla, and five of their friends head off for a weekend trip to a cabin in the woods that a friend owns. While on the way there, someone rushes out of the woods, and while they avoid hitting the person, they can't find the individual and learn that the van is broken. After a long walk, they finally find the cabin and discover a note inside addressed to half the group to wait there.

Lyla is worried about Michael because he takes anti-psychotic meds and left his pills in the van. He goes to bed early with a promise that he'll pick them up the next day. While the rest of the group parties, the two friends they planned to meet there find themselves attacked by an unknown person and brutally murdered. TJ, one of the group, grabs the whole gang the next morning and takes them out to an abandoned mine he found earlier. He and Guy, original name by the way, think it's funny to lock Michael in one of the rooms, but he freaks out so much that they let him go.

The rest of the group includes Rose, who believes that she has psychic abilities, Lex, and his girlfriend Claire. TJ and Lex head back into the mine and find a dead body that looks just like TJ before finding one that looks like Lex. They later find a woman trapped in a room within the mine who looks exactly like Claire. The girl cries, screams, and begs them to help her before claiming that Michael locked her in there. TJ, who made the mistake of giving Rose hallucinogenic mushrooms, seems fairly calm about everything, but Rose suddenly starts seeing visions of her friends dead. The longer they stay in the cabin, the more it becomes clear that they aren't just imaging things and that someone or something wants them all dead.

Mine Games was a pretty entertaining movie. Though I didn't read any reviews, I did notice its low rating on Netflix and then later read some horrible reviews. I actually thought it was pretty damn interesting and entertaining enough that I dropped my phone to focus on the action. A lot of the negative reviews pointed out that its plot was too similar to other movies, seriously? By that assessment, everyone should hate Annabelle because we already have movies about haunted dolls.

One of the top moments occurs when TJ and Lex stumble across the dead bodies in the mine. The looks on their faces actually makes you believe that they just found themselves dead. I also give props to the actress who plays Claire. When they discover her trapped in a random room in the mine, you really will believe that she's been stuck in there for hours and that she really thought she might die.

I highly recommend that you watch Mine Games without reading any spoilers or even its Wikipedia page. Many reviews give away the ending of the movie and even list the movie in a way that tells you what happens at the end. I recommend that you just watch the movie and try to figure out the ending all on your own.

Hush Movie Review – Deceptively Thrilling

Runtime: 81 minutes

Release Date: April 8, 2016

Rating: R

Director: Mike Flanagan

Maddie Young is the author of a best selling book who lives alone in the middle of the woods and is deaf. Her nearest neighbor, Sarah, comes over early in the night after reading her book and to talk about how she plans to take a new ASL class and wants her boyfriend John to join her. After Sarah heads home for the night, Maddie settles down and struggles to work on her next book. She also receives a few phone calls from Craig who we learn was her boyfriend up until a year ago.

While cleaning up the mess she made earlier in the night while cooking, Sarah frantically rushes to her door and finding it locked, beats against the door with her hands. When that fails to grab her friend's attention, she tries screaming. An arrow comes out from nowhere, pierces her chest, and she screams some more. An unknown man in a white mask comes out of the woods, attacks Sarah, and brutally murders her in front of the large french doors.

When the man realizes that Maddie cannot hear him, he sneaks into her house and steals her cell phone. She later gets several picture messages from her own phone that show her in various parts of her own home. After finally seeing the man outside, Maddie writes a message on the door that she won't tell anyone what she saw and that she has a boyfriend who will be there soon. In response, the man lifts his mask to reveal his face, tells her that she can now identify him, and claims that he can get inside anytime he wants. Hush then becomes a cat and mouse game between an unknown assailant with a crossbow and a woman just trying to survive the night.

Hush is one of the few movies I've seen recently that actually made me gasp and occasionally scream at my television. It was so dark and twisted that you can't help having some type of response. At one point, the man drags Sarah to the window and uses her beaten and bloody hand to knock on the window. When Maddie sees him, he then uses the dead woman's hand to actually wave to her. What kind of sick fuck does that kind of thing?

The best thing about this movie is that it doesn't do the classic thing of making her deafness become a disability. While she is deaf, it doesn't focus too much on her point of view in terms of making the scenes completely silent, but it does do a great job of actually making us feel for her and wanting her to survive, whether or not she can hear. When not watching horror flicks, I tend to make some girly choices like the television show Switched at Birth. It was amazing to see a film that actually shows ASL and features a strong character who is more than just another deaf girl.

Hush was so interesting that my boyfriend came in halfway through it, sat down to smoke a cigarette, and got so caught up in it that he forget he was supposed to take a shower. It's an incredibly powerful thriller that actually made me put down my phone to focus on seeing what happened next. Everything about this film was just amazing, from the actors to the music to the pacing. It's true proof that you don't need a lot of different sets or even a ton of cash to make a movie that resonates with viewers. This is the best horror film I've seen in a long time and well worth the five stars I gave it.

Hush is currently streaming on Netflix.

House of Wax – Cheesy Fun But a Little Too Long

Length: 108 minutes

Release Date: May 6, 2005

Rating: R

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

House of Wax opens in a home literally made of wax back in the 1970s. A woman is trying to feed a kid in a high chair when her husband comes in with a screaming and struggling second child. They strap him down before the movie jumps to the present.

Carly and her friends are on a road trip to a football game. She's seriously giving some thought to breaking up with her boyfriend Wade because she's about to move to the city and isn't sure she wants him to go with her or even if they should stay together. Her best friend Paige has problems of her own because she's late and thinks she might be pregnant by her jock boyfriend Blake who clearly won't marry her. Also along for the ride is their geeky friend Dalton and Carly's juvenile delinquent twin brother Nick.

To save money, the group decides to camp overnight on the side of the road. A truck pulls in later that night, shines its headlights on them, and acts like a tool before taking off. The next day, Carly and Paige go for a walk, Carly trips, and almost lands in a pit filled with dead animals. Though she thinks she sees a hand sticking out, it's actually a mannequin. A random guy shows up, shows her it's a mannequin, and laughs at her. When they find that the fan belt in Wade's car broke, the guy offers to take them for help while the rest of the group heads to the game.

Ambrose, the town he takes them to, is almost completely deserted. The only people they see are a few people inside their homes. They eventually wander into the church, interrupt a funeral, and find the Bo, the man who owns the repair shop in town. As he needs some time at the funeral, they agree to meet him later. This leads them to check out the wax museum in town, which they saw advertised earlier. It then doesn't take long before the group begins disappearing one by one and they learn that there is something sinister about the wax museum and the whole town.

The only thing anyone ever remembers about House of Wax is that it's the movie where Paris Hilton dies. I was literally just thinking that when I turned it on, the roommate sat down, and said the scene where she dies was the best moment in the movie. That's actually a little sad because she's not that bad of an actress. I thought she did an admirable job of playing a girl worried about the future and that the guy she loved might leave her. That said, yeah, it's actually pretty nice when she died!

House of Wax came out right around the time when studios were obsessed with PG-13 ratings, so I was a little surprised when I realized this was actually an R rated horror movie. Given the lack of gore, blood, and just plain deaths, it's hard to believe it didn't get a lower rating. The best death in the film – outside of Paris – is obviously Wade. When you see him sitting there covered in wax with his eyes moving, you can't tell me that didn't get to you. Add to that his best friend trying to “save” him by peeling off the wax to reveal the muscle and tissue underneath while his eyes still moved makes it one of the best scenes in the flick.

If you're like most people, you probably haven't seen House of Wax in years, but give it another go. It's a lot better than some of the crap Hollywood puts out today.

Final Girl Movie Review – Weird and a Little Interesting

Runtime: 90 minutes

Release Date: August 14, 2015

Rating: ?

Director: Tyler Shields

Veronica is just a little girl at the beginning of Final Girl. After meeting William and revealing that the deaths of her parents didn't really bother her, he agrees to take her in and begin training her for a very special and important job.

The movie then jumps a few years into the future. Veronica is now a beautiful woman who still works with William. He takes her into the woods and starts her training over again. He teachers her hand to hand combat, including how to take down a man with just a punch. Though William seems to look at her more like a child or a student, she seems to view him as a potential lover.

After going through several montages and other moments, including a few scenes of her taking down men twice her size, we finally get to the heart of a story. While sitting in a small cafe and sipping a vanilla milkshake, a man named Jameson approaches her. Just a few seconds later, he makes plans to meet her again, asking her to wear red lipstick. He shows up for their date with his three best friends in tow.

The four men take her on a long drive into the woods. They settle down on seats and invite her to join them in a game of truth or dare. Veronica agrees before handing over a flask, which she secretly laced earlier in the night. The game turns deadly when the men turn her loose and begin hunting her through the woods in the same way they did dozens of other women, but things turn even deadlier when the men realize that Veronica is more of a threat to them than they are to her.

Final Girl is a strange movie. Though it had some good scenes and some interesting moments, I can't say that I really liked it. Abigail Breslin is a pretty damn good actress, but she doesn't do her best her. While some might say that her cold and icy demeanor works with the character, I can't help feeling like she's playing her role from Scream Queens. Wes Bentley isn't so great as William either. He has the same expression on his face through most of the movie.

It's also the kind of movie that gives viewers little in the way of resolution. How did William find Veronica? How did he manage to take her into his home and raise her? Did the group of guys, who look roughly the same age as Veronica, have something to do with the murders of his wife and child? Is there a reason they targeted various guys earlier in the film? How did they find out about this new group of guys? Why is the general public not talking about how women keep going missing from the same damn diner? Yeah, we get no answers to any of those questions.

Final Girl actually played more like an experimental film to me than anything else, and actually reminded me of Under the Skin at times. It was interesting to watch the first time but definitely not something I would seek out again.

Into the Grizzly Maze – James Marsden and Tom Jane vs. Bears

Runtime: 94 minutes

Release Date: August 13, 2015

Rating: R

Director: David Hackl

Rowan returns to his home town after a stint in jail. He's the black sheep of the family, see? After meeting a girl at the bar and taking her back to his hotel room, she reveals she's a stripper and demands payment. Like any woman would turn down James Marsden! Her pimp later shows up and starts beating her up in the parking lot, so he runs down to save her. The cops show up, and one of the cops, Beckett (Thomas Jane), takes him to the side. It turns out that they're brothers, but Beckett is the good son.

Into the Grizzly Maze throws a bunch of characters at us all at once. Douglass (Billy Bob Thornton) is an unscrupulous grizzly hunter who often breaks the law when hunting. Kaley is Rowan's ex-girlfriend and a cop on the local force. Johnny Cadillac, and yes that is seriously his name, is a former friend of Rowan's who now hunts grizzlies. There's also Scott Glenn as the head of the police force and Piper Perabo as Michelle, Beckett's wife.

After hearing some reports of wild bears spotted in the area, the police force mans up. Unfortunately, Michelle went into the woods to take some pictures on the same day. I say unfortunately because she's deaf and apparently uses the ground movements to tell if there is a bear in the area. That doesn't work out too well for her as she gets trapped by a grizzly. Rowan just so happens to be in the area, saves her, and they run off together. Beckett and Kaley head off into the woods to find Michelle, while Scott Glenn sticks around to mobilize the troops and potentially let Billy Bob loose.

I rented Into the Grizzly Maze on the assumption that it would play like an Asylum movie, and I ended up being pleasantly surprised. While it does play like an Asylum movie you might come across in the middle of the night on Sy-Fy, it's actually like a better version of one of those movies. Even though everyone in the movie took themselves so seriously, I lost count of how many times the BF and I ended up laughing while watching it.

Rowan is the black sheep of the family, and I can say that because they mention it once every 10 minutes or so. They bring it up when he comes back, when he goes to his father's old house, when his brother learns he's with his wife, when he finds the wife, when they all catch up together. We get the point, James Marsden is the bad guy!

Adam Beach also turns up for a short period of time as Johnny Cadillac. I think he's a great actor, so I have no idea why he ended up in what was basically a cameo. Actually, I'm not sure how anyone other than Jane and maybe Perabo ended up in this movie. It seems like there was a chance it might get a theatrical run, but come on! Who thought a movie like this would play in theaters anymore? Even sadder is that it took over three years between the movie was announced and when it finally came out.

Based on my review, some might think I hated the movie, but I actually kind of dug it. It's like someone came up for an idea for an Asylum movie, got a little extra funding, and grabbed some big name stars without changing the budget or script. Who wouldn't like that?

Extraterrestrial Movie Review – Don't Go in the Woods, Seriously, Just Don't

Runtime: 101 minutes

Release Date: October 17, 2014

Rating: NR

Director: Colin Minihan

Extraterrestrial opens with an unnamed woman sobbing and running through the streets to reach a phone booth. Just as she gets inside, she disappears without a trace.

Cut to April, your stereotypical girl who is about to leave the small town and her small town boyfriend behind for life in the big city. The boyfriend, Kyle, decided to surprise her in a terrible way by turning their weekend cabin getaway into a miniature party with their friends Seth, Lex, and Melanie. Before they even get there, a local cop pulls them over because Seth tried to launch fireworks out of the car.

Things get even worse when they get to the cabin. Kyle takes the opportunity to propose to her and seems heartbroken when she turns him down, though honestly, it kind of seems like she isn't even sure why she turned him down. After seeing something in the woods, they realize it's a UFO and rush back to barricade themselves inside the cabin.

The small town cop, who is actually the sheriff, then arrives. Though his deputy doesn't believe their story and points out all the alcohol and drugs littering the cabin, the sheriff believes them because he thinks aliens abducted his wife, who is still missing. Before they can do anything, one of the aliens appears and makes the sheriff shoot both his deputy and himself. Even as they try to save themselves, it quickly becomes clear that no one escapes from these aliens.

What do you say about a movie that features Michael Ironside as a pothead? He plays Travis, a local man who grows and sells his own weed. April and her friend uncover his stash and almost wind up with bullets in their brains until Travis recognizes her from when she was a kid. He's also the only person who believes them. It's a little confusing though. Given everything that likely happened out there in the woods, why did the aliens never attack or take him before?

There were a few things I really liked about Extraterrestrial. If you haven't seen the movie and don't want to see it, just stop reading now.

One thing I liked is when they actually got on the ship. Seth's death scene made my roommate wince so much that I thought he might actually get up and leave the room. The director and set designers also did a good job of decorating and designing a space that actually felt like a spaceship. However, I'm not a big fan of April and Kyle finding each other, the aliens letting them go for no explained reason, and them just dying, nor did I like how they had to have her put the ring on before she died. Yup, because their love meet nothing until she agreed to marry him. On the other hand, how can you not like a science fiction film that includes a blatant reference to the Cigarette Smoking Man at the end?

Extraterrestrial got some extremely poor reviews when it came out, but I definitely liked it. It's currently on Netflix for those interested.

Honeymoon Movie Review – I Just Want Us to Be Us

Runtime: 87 minutes
Release Date: September 14, 2014
Rating: R
Director: Leigh Janiak


Honeymoon starts out with footage recorded at the wedding of Bea and Paul. Bea talks about how he proposed to her after setting up a tent on top of their bed, and Paul talks about how he got sick on their first date and spent the rest of the night on her bedroom floor. It then cuts to the two of them arriving at a cabin owned by Bea's family for their honeymoon. After giving him a short tour, they spend time making love in every room and on nearly every surface they can find.


When they take a boat out on the lake, Bea contemplates jumping in before discovering that the water is ice cold. She also takes him to the only restaurant in the rural community, which turns out to be closed according to the man working there. He reveals himself as Will, a friend of Bea's from her childhood, and introduces them to his wife Annie. Annie almost instantly tells them to get out and warns them about staying. When Will attempts to calm her down, Paul grows worried because he thinks the man is abusive.


One night, Paul wakes and discovers that Bea is missing. He finds her outside in the middle of the woods completely naked. She claims she has no idea how she got there or what happened earlier that night. When Bea begins making excuses as to why she doesn't want to sleep with her new husband and Paul finds her bloody and ripped nightgown in the woods, he tries to find a reason behind her new attitude. Once Bea begins bleeding from a spot I won't mention, he realizes that there is something darker happening to his new bride.


Honeymoon confused the hell out of me. A few weeks ago, my roommate and I saw a trailer for it, I said something about how we saw it before, and he looked super confused. When I sat down to watch it, I realized we really never had seen it. I know I saw a movie with a similar premise. Husband and wife go on their honeymoon to a cabin in the woods, wife disappears in the middle of the night and then starts acting weird. I just can't remember the name or even the ending. If anyone knows what the hell that movie was, please let me know.


I personally thought Honeymoon was a lot better than most of the reviews say. There is a great dynamic between the actors playing Bea and Paul, and the director does a great job of setting up their relationship before any of the odd stuff starts happening. There are all these little nods that go back to the beginning of the film to let you know something weird happened, like Bea not remembering where they went on their first date or how she can barely remember how or when he proposed.


It also has that vibe that you expect from a movie like this and some great music too. When Paul goes into the woods, the music intensifies and the lights dim as he gets closer to the nightgown. I also want to give some props to the writer for making Paul a completely believable character. Instead of instantly thinking it's aliens or some creature in the woods, he naturally assumes that Will attacked his wife and that she's now in shock. Plus, don't get me started on her bleeding scenes. It sent me back to the first time I watched Cabin Fever and left one of my roommates briefly wondering if he would ever have sex with a woman again. While I wasn't crazy about the reason for her actions or the very end, Honeymoon was definitely one I'll watch again.

From the Dark Movie Review – Two People, One Monster

Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: April 14, 2015
Rating: NR
Director: Conor McMahon


Sarah and Mark are a couple heading off on vacation together in the country. Though they followed the directions perfectly, they make a few wrong turns and wind up lost in the countryside. Though Sarah wants to call her father for help, Mark makes her put down the phone and volunteers to go for help himself, claiming there must be a home nearby.


After following the road, Mark finds a home in the middle of nowhere. As no one answers the door, he lets himself in and shouts for help. Instead of finding help, he's tasked with providing help after the owner of the home stumbles in bleeding profusely from his neck. Waiting back at the car, Sarah begins wondering if she made the right decision believing in her boyfriend until Mark pops back up and demands that she come back to the house with him to help its owner. They get there just in time to find that the man transformed into a monster and that he's looking for his next victim.


I cannot believe that more people aren't talking about this film and that it didn't get better reviews. It was one of those movies I watched with no expectations and ended up liking it so much that I keep recommending it to others.


The director does a good job of setting up the tension between the two very early on. Sarah continually makes fun of his new hair cut, which seems to irritate him, and he confesses to her on the car ride that he will probably never get married. By the time they separate and he goes for help, it's easy to understand why she would rather call someone for help than trust him to actually find help.


Conor MacMahon, the director, also added some intense atmosphere to the scenes where Sarah is on her own. There is a moment where she's leaning on the car and smoking a cigarette. The background gets a little fuzzy, which makes it hard to see what's happening behind her, until you realize that there is someone standing in the woods and watching her. Another intense scene occurs when she bends over to do something and a hand comes out of nowhere and moves right past her face.


The first half of the movie is really good, but the second half drops off a bit. The two attempt to escape through the woods and wind up running back to the house, which lets the monster stalk them and leads to them hiding in a bathroom with the door locked. Once Sarah finally goes off on a search for help by herself, it really gets going again.


Despite some ups and downs, I would probably rank From the Dark one of the best horror flicks I've seen this year. It has some great acting, a few intense moments, and just enough tension to leave you on edge.

Animal Movie Review – Seriously, Never Ever Go Into the Woods

Runtime: 86 minutes
Release Date: February 17, 2015
Rating: NR
Director: Brett Simmons


Alissa, her stepbrother, their significant others, and their mutual friend drive to the middle of nowhere for a daytime hike. Jeff, the stepbrother, is something of a man's man. Not only does he come fully prepared, but he keeps pushing them to go a little further. He and Alissa once took the same trail often with his father when they were younger.


Jeff's girlfriend Mandy wants to turn around and go back, and Alissa agrees. Though she rightly points out that it's getting dark and that they don't want to be out in the middle of nowhere at night, he keeps arguing, which leads to the two fighting. Alissa then accidentally stumbles upon what's left of a dead body.


As a large monster/animal hybrid jumps out of the woods, everyone runs for cover. They eventually find themselves running into an isolated cabin in the woods. A random man uncovers the door, lets them inside, and barricades the door behind them. The man, Carl, and his wife Vicky were on a business trip when their car broke down. After wandering through the woods, they found their way to the house. Upstairs, is a man named Douglas who briefly popped up at the beginning of the film after his own run in with the same animal.


The ragtag group of survivors lock themselves inside the old house in the hopes of making it through the night. One manages to get cell phone service long enough to call for help. Rangers promise to track their cell to the nearest tower and send help, and both Alissa and Jeff's parents promise to send their own friends in the area out to look for them. As the night grows on and the animal gets closer, it becomes clear that they might not make it until the morning.


Animal is another movie I randomly stumbled across on Netflix and one that I watched without expecting much. It starts out as one of those classic horror flicks with all the typical stereotypes. There is naturally a girl who has to stop and put on her makeup before going into the woods, the gay friend who is so effeminate that it made my gay friend keep cringing and bringing it up, and the guy is so butch and masculine that he makes everyone else look bad. As the movie unfolds though, we find out there is more to the eye. The girl with all the makeup is just worried about losing her boyfriend, and Mr. Butchy McButch might not be as butch as he looks.


You also have to love any movie that features Joey Lauren Adams. Here, she plays Vicky and does an adequate job, but her role is a little one dimensional. She pretty much just serves as the wife of a guy tasked with leading a group of survivors. While she does eventually get her own story line, the movie is almost over by that point.


The director did do a pretty damn good job of showing the animal, and I want to give it up for the special effects team. With its gruesome teeth, the saliva dripping off its fangs, and the way it just shot out of the woods when I least expected it, I couldn't wait to see a little more. Animal is currently on Netflix, if you want to give it a go.

Wrong Turn 6 Movie Review aka Wrong Turn VI aka Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

Runtime: 91 minutes
Release Date: October 21, 2014
Rating: NR
Director: Valeri Milev


An unnamed man and woman are out riding their bikes when they decide to take a dip in the hot springs. This leads to some near full frontal nudity and a quick sex scene. Hopping back on their bikes, they head off again until the man calls off his bike and screams that someone shot him with an arrow. Out comes three resident hillbillies to take care of them both.


Danny and his girlfriend Toni take a trip to the middle of nowhere along with some of their closest friends. After working on Wall Street for far too long, Danny snapped and tried to kill himself. Not long after his suicide attempt, he received word that he inherited a large old hotel from his family, and he convinces his friends to go with him to check things out until he can decide what to do with it.


Sally and Jackson are the caretakers of the old hotel, and after making out for a bit, we learn that they are also brother and sister. They welcome Danny with open arms after making it clear that they didn't expect him to bring any friends. After showing him the hotel, the group decides to look around themselves, which leads to them finding a hidden chamber designed for people to watch others have sex. It doesn't take long before our favorite group of hillbillies come back to get rid of the friends and bring home their long lost brother/nephew/cousin/uncle/whatever.


I have mixed feelings about the Wrong Turn franchise. I loved the first one, which became one of my "can't flip through the channels, see it on, and keep going" movies. Thanks to Henry Rollins and that opening scene, the second one became one of my favorites as well. Bought the third one and was so disappointed that I assumed they would never make another one. I can't remember the fourth one, but I liked the fifth one. I almost figured this one would turn out to be pretty awful too. Guess what? It really isn't that bad for the sixth film in a franchise that most people thought would never make it past a first film.

One complaint I had is that the film doesn't explain how it connects back to the others. We suddenly have this amazing hotel in the middle of nowhere that actually sees guests coming and going despite the rednecks running loose through the woods. Are they related to those from the other films, or is this an entirely new group? We also learn that they have a huge shanty town in the middle of the woods that no one else seems to know about. Also, Danny is part of the family, but we never really get an explanation about how or why his family left.

As a female who likes horror movies, I've seen my fair share of tits and ass over the years, but Wrong Turn 6 takes it to a whole different level. The first sex scene literally came before the credits rolled, and it seemed like half the characters only cared about getting some, which led to even more scenes. When a movie has to rely more on sex and less on scares or gore, you know there's a problem.

While there aren't many scares, there are some gory scenes. One kill involves a woman's head going through a piece of razor/barbed wire, and another has two hillbillies literally ripping a woman's legs off while she's on a sex table. Oh, and did I mention the woman who has an orgasm while suffocating a man and the scene that shows a woman getting her face shoved in boiling hot water? If any of that appeals to you, you'll want to watch Wrong Turn 6.

Blood Widow Movie Review – The Dangers of Owning Your Own Home

Runtime: 84 minutes
Release Date: June 3, 2014
Rating: NR
Director: Jeremiah Buckhalt


Laurie and her boyfriend Hugh recently bought a new home in the country, which they hope will help them grow closer together. Hugh is still something of a party animal and a little immature, while Laurie hopes that buying a house together will make him think about the future and settle down. Her hopes disappear when Hugh informs her that he invited some of their friends out to the house to help them celebrate.


Not long after moving in, they discover an old boarding school located right next door. Though hidden in the woods, their group of friends quickly find the old crumbling building and decide to check it out for themselves. They manage to make it back all in one piece just in time for hundreds of other people to arrive for the big party.


When one of their friends has the urge to partake in a little recreational party, she makes the mistake of heading back to the boarding house. A figure dressed in black with a white mask covering its face pops up and makes the girl wish she just said no. The following morning, Laurie realizes that her friend is missing and no one knows what happened to her. Her car is still there, but the others convince her that she probably just got a ride back to the city with someone else.


Cut to the former owners of the house giving them a call to warn them about hanging out in the boarding school. Apparently, the school closed down after one girl went a little psycho and murdered all of the students in the school. She later disappeared into the night, and no one seems to know what happened to her. Well, except for just, because we can see her running loose through the old school and stalking the people in the house. I don't know about you, but that seems like something that should come up during closing. Naturally, the Blood Widow comes after the people in the house and starts killing them off one by one.


I'm always willing to give new horror writers and directors a chance, but the only good thing about Blood Widow is the ending. It's the type of ending that you both love and hate at the same time. While you want the killer to get his or her comeuppance, you also want the hero of the film to survive. This has one of those endings that leaves you feeling satisfied but also leaves you feeling bad for the characters in the film.


Danielle Lilley, who plays Laurie, is the standout of the movie. She previously appeared in Five Across the Eyes, which I know that I've seen and know that I have a copy of somewhere, so I need to track it down and give it another watch. Laurie is the hero/heroine of the film, and Lilley does a pretty good job of making you feel for her. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone you loved but worried about what would happen in the future or thought the person didn't really give a crap about you, you'll understand where Laurie comes from. That's what makes the ending of the movie so much harder. I'm trying not to spoil it for you, but let's just say that if you aren't a fan of her character, you'll love the ending.


Blood Widow, while not a great film, does have a few elements that show what both the writers and director can do. Hopefully they get some more money and time for their next films.

The Mooring – Too Many Teenage Girls!

Runtime: 90 minutes
Release Date: February 19, 2013
Rating: R
Director: Glenn Withrow


The Mooring opens on a family camping in the woods. A man suddenly emerges from the forest, grabs the teenage daughter of the family, and drags her away without anyone noticing. He then tosses her in a cabinet on his boat and seemingly takes off.


Ten years later, a woman named Nancy leads a retreat for teenage girls addicted to technology. One of the girls ran up a $2,000+ cell phone bill because of her texting, while another girl caused a six car accident because she was talking on her phone. Nancy wants them to learn that they can lead healthy lives without involving technology. After the girls sneak into her office and use the computer, she decides to take them on a retreat into the woods.


While giving them activities to do on the boat, she notices that there's something wrong with the engine but she keeps it a secret from the girls. Once they arrive on a secluded island, they spend some more time talking and having fun together before another boat arrives. They hear a couple talking, and when one of the girls yells at him, he calls her a bitch and flashes his spotlight at them. Nancy diffuses the situation and puts the girls to bed.


The next day, she decides to take the boat back herself for repairs and come back for them later. Smart, right? Before she can do anything, Mickey, the female half of the couple comes over for a talk. She apologizes for the night before, asks if they have coffee, and then abruptly leaves when her boyfriend calls for her.


Nancy finally sets off in the boat, but only after she makes sure that Mickey and the other boat left. She doesn't get very far before the engine dies, but Mickey and her boyfriend Richard are right behind her. Mickey offers to tow the boat to shore, and Nancy reluctantly agrees. As the girls attempt to have fun without her, the other boat shows up. Richard shows them that he has Nancy and that he tied an anchor to her feet and duct taped her hands and mouth. He then tosses her in the water before letting them know that he's coming after them next.


The Mooring is the film that made my roommate and I agree that if we are ever in a life or death situation, it's perfectly okay to leave the other one behind. Seriously, half the incidents in the movie could have been avoided had the girls focused on saving their own skins. Oh, you finally made it to the boat and can sail away to safety but your one friend who hid in the woods and wouldn't come out when you called her name suddenly needs help? Yeah, leave her ass behind. Oh, one of your friends is unconscious and in a good hiding spot in the woods? Yeah, you better waste time picking her up and dragging her through the woods with a killer stalking you.


The one smart thing the film did is explain who no one has cell phones. I'd guess that in a desolate spot like an island in the middle of a lake wouldn't have cell phone reception anyway, but it does explain that Nancy takes their phones before the trip. They don't explain why Nancy, who is supposedly so responsible, would leave the girls behind though. If I found out that the person I paid a large amount of money too left my daughter on a desolate island after knowing some weird dude was out there, I wouldn't be too happy.


The Mooring perfectly pegs the mind of a teenage girl, which is probably because a teenage girl helped write the screenplay. The problem is that the only people who probably care about the mind of a teenage girl is another teenage girl or possibly a teenage boy. I can see why teens might like the film, but as an adult, it just made me annoyed at how teens act.

Cottage Country – Family Comes Second to Girlfriends

Runtime: 91 minutes
Release Date: March 14, 2013
Rating: Peter Wellington
Director: NR?


While her boyfriend Todd (Tyler Labine, "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil") is at work, Cammie decides to pack his bag for their weekend trip to his family's cabin/lake house, which leads to her finding an engagement ring. Knowing that he plans to propose, she wants the weekend to go perfectly. Not long after arriving, Todd's brother Salinger unexpectedly shows up with his girlfriend Masha. Masha is a little quirky, and Salinger is just a pain in the ass. Cammie agrees to go for a hike in the woods as long as Todd convinces his brother to leave.


Instead of having the peaceful conversation he hopes for, Todd ends up throwing his brother's expensive headphones in the lake. That leads to a fight, which ends with Todd knocking him out and tossing him out of the house. After packing his brother's stuff, Salinger attacks him from behind, and Todd grabs an ax and swings it at his brother, accidentally killing him. Todd hides his body and makes up a story when the girls come back, but he realizes that he has to tell Cammie the truth.


Though he attempts to prose to her, she stops him because it isn't the right time. When he reveals what happened, she decides that they need to take care of Masha and then they can take a trip to a nearby island in the lake and get engaged. The two trick Masha into coming into the kitchen, Todd wusses out before killing her with a knife, and Cammie does the job for him. They cut the bodies into smaller pieces, place the pieces in garbage bags, and dump them in the lake. Unfortunately for them, they arrive home just in time to find that Salinger invited a bunch of friends to the lake house for a party and many of them want to know what happened to their friend...


Cottage Country popped up as a recommendation after watching Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, and since I've been a fan of Labine since his Dead Last days, I had to watch it. Don't worry if you don't remember that show. I think The WB only ran six episodes or less before canceling it. Unfortunately, the movie wasn't nearly as funny as I hoped.


The problem is that Labine goes against type and it just doesn't work. Instead of playing the funny guy, he tries to play the straight guy. He's the guy who spends long hours at work, is afraid to stand up to his boss, and basically does whatever his girlfriend tells him. For god's sake, they even wear matching clothes at one point! It seems really odd, and given that this is supposed to be a horror/comedy, it's sad that the director didn't use his talents.


Lucy Punch, who plays Masha, is the funniest person in the movie but that isn't saying much. She tends to slur her words to the point where you either need to listen far too closely, turn your television up way too loud, or wait for one of the other characters to translate for her. She does have a fairly funny scene in the woods, where she talks about how her mother ended up in prison and pretends to kill herself with poisonous mushrooms, but her character is gone a few scenes later.


There's also an incredibly odd character named Dov in the field. He's supposed to be an Orthodox Jew, but when I first saw him, I swore he was just a hipster. He keeps talking about his studies and being a "good man" while drinking and smoking pot. He also constantly asks about Salinger, to the point where you want to just smack him. The only good part about his character was the way he left the film. Seriously, they make it out like Salinger does crazy stuff all the time, but Dov swears that he would never invite people over for a party and just disappear. That actually sounds exactly like something he would do.


Cottage Country failed on a number of different levels, and it was quite the come down after watching a movie I love right before it.