Red State, Good. Tusk, Bad. Yoga Hosers, Middle of the Road.

Runtime: 88 minutes

Release Date: September 2, 2016

Rating: PG-13

Director: Kevin Smith

You know those smug teens that walk around and act like they're hot shit because their daddies just bought them a brand new Mercedes or Range Rover? Apparently the Hollywood equivalent of a brand new car is the chance to star in your own flick. That is the only reason I can imagine anyone casting these two young ladies in starring roles.

Yoga Hosers follows the “adventures” of Colleen M. and Colleen C., two best friends who work in a convenience store owned by Colleen C's dad. They do things like leave stupid notes on the front door about having heavy periods or a UTI to spend more time rehearsing in the stockroom with their 35-year-old drummer. As with most teens, they're also addicted to their phones and never seem to put the devices down, and Colleen M. has a massive crush on Hunter, the heart throb of their school.

After Hunter invites them to his cool party and they get stuck working, they tell him to bring the party to them. He shows up with his best friend and tries to kill Colleen M. because, hey why not make him a random serial killer? Before he can kill her though, a strange little create pops out and kills him. The “Bratzis” as the flick calls them are a combination bratwurst and Nazi bred by a former Nazi to try and take over the world but let out too early. It's up to the two Colleens to defeat the Bratzis with their dope yoga skills.

I'm on the fence about whether Yoga Hosers is just as bad as Tusk or a small step up. At least Tusk had some talented actors. This one has the daughters of Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp playing spoiled teenagers and seemingly struggling with those roles. Neither one is that great of an actor, and it doesn't help that Smith lets them sing multiple times throughout the film. It's distracting and just plain annoying.

Yoga Hosers is the kind of film that will appear really dated in the next few years. It almost felt like Smith wanted to make a “hip” or “cool” film because so many scenes practically shouted, “Hey! Look at me! I understand current slang.” If I heard the word basic one more time, I thought I might scream. There is one scene where they must say it a dozen times or more in just a few minutes.

I'm honestly shocked that people in Canada didn't hate this film. The Canadian jokes never start out subtly. All the jokes are right there in your face and seem more bullying than friendly. From the way they throw in “bout” and “eh” references to the fact that almost every character loves hockey, it's just a little too much.

The only reasons to watch it are for the performances by Tony Hale and Natasha Lyonne. Hale plays Bob, the owner of the shop and Colleen C's dad, while Lyonne is his manager and girlfriend. The two are so funny together that I want to either see a spin off film or a Netflix original show that stars the two of them. They're definitely the highlights of the flick.

As someone who became a huge Kevin Smith fan after seeing Chasing Amy, I'm so disappointed by his last two horror movies. Here's hoping that he does a better job with Moose Jaws, his third and thankfully last film in the Canadian horror trilogy.

They're Watching Movie Review – Bloody and Just Plain Fun

Runtime: 95 minutes

Release Date: March 25, 2016

Rating: NR?

Director: Jay Lender & Micah Write

They're Watching may seriously be my favorite horror movie of the year. I started watching it while playing a game on my phone and quickly realized that there was absolutely no way I could ignore it. It hooked me from the beginning and had me laughing my ass off for much of the film.

We meet Becky and her boyfriend, a professional soccer player, as they search for a place in Moldovia, on the popular house hunting show Home Hunters International. After finding a rundown place in the middle of nowhere, she decides to buy the house and turn it into her dream home. Months later, Greg and Alex, two of the original crew who shot the episode, return with Sarah, a new employee, to see if Becky really transformed the house. They meet up with their producer, Kate, and Vladimir, the only real estate agent in town, to check on her progress.

Alex thinks the whole thing is pretty ridiculous and can't imagine that she did anything. All he really cares about is finding some random chocolate bar, and Greg only cares about potentially hooking up with Sarah. They quickly learn about the legend of a witch who once lived in Becky's house and how people in this tiny little town are still scared of the witch. While shooting b-roll footage around town, they mistakenly wander into a funeral and shoot footage before getting run off. When Sarah shouts their word for witch in the middle of the town's restaurant, people are less than thrilled. All of this is just backstory that leads up to the whole crew getting trapped in Becky's house as bloodthirsty locals wait outside. Are they after the crew for what they did in town, or if there something more sinister happening behind the scenes?

They're Watching really is one of those films that hooks up in from the very beginning. What other movie can you name that literally starts out with a girl getting an ax through the head and then reintroduces her minutes later as a main character? While you know she's going to get it in the end, half the fun is watching the story unfold and waiting to see what happens to her and everyone else.

My favorite was Kris Lemche as Alex. You might remember him as the goth/emo kid from Final Destination 3, which I reviewed not that long ago. While he's still got the whole sarcastic jack ass thing going on, he's easily the standout of the film. One of the best moments comes when the crew is stuck in Becky's house and trying to sleep in shifts. He's stuck listening to Greg and Sarah flirt in another room and finally yells out at them if they're done before mumbling to himself about how he needs to get some sleep. It's hard to explain, but the scene actually made me snort.

And let's not forget the Home Hunters International, which even used a song and cut scenes similar to the real show. You could almost believe that this is a show that would air on HGTV up until the second half. Given that I just watched all episodes on Netflix, it was hysterical.

The last 10 minutes of They're Watching were some of the bloodiest 10 minutes I've seen on screen in a long time. Once the witch makes her appearance, the bloodshed starts and doesn't let up. In addition to a woman getting an ex to the head, we get a man turned into frogs, a guy vaporized into nothing, a guy literally ripped in half, and a guy's face get ripped in half. It was far gorier than anything I've seen in recent times. Between the humor and the gore, I just couldn't get enough. They're Watching is one I would recommend to any horror fan.

Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse – My New Favorite

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: October 30, 2015

Rating: R

Director: Christopher Landon

After seeing Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, I officially have a new favorite zombie/horror/spoof movie.

Ben, Carter, and Augie are best friends and scouts together. While Augie still loves being a scout, his friends actually hate it and are ready to quit, especially Carter who thinks they'll never have a chance with the ladies if they stay in the group. Scout Leader Rogers hosts a recruitment day designed to get new boys to join up, but even though it fails miserably, he plans to take them out on a group camping night.

Unfortunately, a janitor working in a biology/medical lab nearly accidentally releases a man infected with a zombie virus. Scout Leader Rogers discovers this for himself when he encounters a zombie deer in the woods and then an infected doctor. The three guys show up for the camp out and think it's weird that he never showed up but go ahead with it anyway. Ben and Carter try to sneak out in the middle of the night after receiving an invitation from Carter's sister's boyfriend to hit up the hot senior party. Augie catches them and seems sad but lets them go.

When the two boys arrive back in town, they find everything practically deserted. Carter thinks this is the perfect time for them to sneak into the strip club, which only ends up with them getting attacked by a zombie stripper and bouncer. Luckily Denise, a hot former student who dropped out of their high school to work at the club, is there to help. The new group of three then meet up with Augie and find themselves tasked with saving the world from the zombies trying to take over their town.

Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is a movie that you really need to see for yourself. It's almost as funny as Tucker and Dale vs. Evil and exactly what I would expect to see in a movie where Tucker and Dale have to fight zombies. There were so many funny scenes that I thought it wouldn't hold up well to a second viewing. After watching it with the roommate one night, I watched it with the boyfriend the next night and loved it just as much.

Some of the more hilarious scenes revolve around Scout Leader Rogers who evidently cannot be killed. Augie accidentally sets him on fire and then leaves him tied to a chair in his basement, and he still survives. Oh, and did I mention that he has an obsession with Dolly Parton? I never thought I would see a movie with a teenage scout running from a zombie while 9 to 5 played in the background, but I'm glad I did.

The only real issue is the crush that Ben has on Carter's sister. She seems like a nice enough character but there's nothing really memorable about her. When he meets Denise and has clear chemistry with her – they even share a kiss – it's hard to see why he would waste his time trying to save a girl who basically never looked twice at him before and has a boyfriend.

Other highlights include Cloris Leachman as the neighborhood's crazy cat lady, the infection taking over her cats, and a teenage girl having a sexual encounter with a zombie. All in all, Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse was just plain good fun.

Fido Movie Review – A Boy and His Zombie

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: March 16, 2007

Rating: R

Director: Andrew Currie

In another universe that pretty much looks like Earth in the 1950s, space radiation led to the dead coming back to life as zombies. Though the two sides battled it out, humans eventually won. That led to humans buying and selling zombies as commodities. They use them for everything from security guards to house boys.

Bill is a husband and father who fought in the zombie wars and now wants nothing to do with zombies in any shape or size. That makes it a little unusual when his wife Helen decides to bring home one for their house. Timmy, their son, isn't too sure about the zombie but gives it the name Fido, which his father dislikes because he doesn't think zombies deserve names and because he worries that his son will grow too attached to the zombie.

Though Fido wears the same collar that others do to keep the zombies in line, his collar breaks. After escaping from the yard, he attacks a neighbor and turns her into one of the dead. The local security company manage to stop the second zombie from infecting others and causing a second outbreak, but the company must investigate to find out which zombie got loose. Then it kind of turns into a movie about a boy and his zombie against the world.

Fido is one of those movies that I heard about a lot and never got the chance to watch. In fact, I even added it to my Netflix queue a few years ago. When I renewed my membership last year, it was one of the only things still in my list from back then. Despite never watching it, I knew I had to when I found out it was expiring soon.

Though it has a great premise, it wasn't my favorite. While it has some funny moments and some good acting, there was just something I didn't like about it. Carrie-Anne Moss is great as Helen, the housewife stuck between the life she always wanted and the life she has, and K'Sun Ray did a good job as the adorable little scamp Timmy. Billy Connolly did a good job as the zombie too.

While I wanted to like it, there was just something a little too off putting about the story. Helen winds up falling for Fido and treating him more like a friend and later a boyfriend than she does a servant. When she finally ends up with him at the end, I can safely say that I was probably the only person not rooting for the two of them.

Helen isn't a very good character either. While I get that she's an unhappy housewife, she constantly laughs and pokes fun at her husband. We're supposed to laugh because we're not supposed to like him, but he's basically a veteran who helped save millions of people from becoming zombies. Most movies ask us to hate zombies because they will eat our faces off and kill us, but this movie wants us to root for those same characters.

Now that I've seen Fido, I can cross it off my list. I know a lot of people loved it, but I wasn't a big fan.

Thoughts and Observations on Scream Queens Season 1 Episode 5 Pumpkin Patch

*The Red Devil is apparently not so secretly in love with Zayday given that after he kidnaps her, he lets her out of his secret dungeon just to treat her to dinner that he made just for her. That makes me doubt my Dean Jamie Lee theory...

*Denise also got her a little something something in the form of the not at all hot Chad. While the dean thinks he's a bumbling moron, Denise claims that he was among the best lovers she ever had. Gotta say that I lean more towards the dean's opinions on this one.

*Chad calling out the newest Chanel for having nice boobs in front of the original Chanel was one of the highlights of the episode.

*I'm already getting tired of Gigi and Wes. While I love me some Oliver Hudson, her character is really starting to grate on my last nerve. How can someone be so funny in real life but so annoying on television?

*I change my mind. The best moment of the film might be when Hester and Chanel #5 tell Jennifer that Chanel lights candles only once and hides them in her closet. That scream and look on her face made the episode worthwhile.

*So Gigi is secretly working with the Red Devil? Eh, it doesn't really surprise me. For someone who loves the Kappa girls so much, she sure seems to hate them and not be interested in helping them in anyway.

*Chanel demanding that her decorator create a perfect replica of the hedge maze from The Shining only proves that she watched the movie and had no clue it was ever a book. There is no hedge maze in the movie, and what happens in the book is somehow even creepier.

*How can you not love the look on the dean's face when she finds out that Gigi and Wes are now officially a couple? Then again, I think I would much rather see Curtis and Hudson steam up the screen.

*Chanel #5 is really starting to get on my nerves! I wish she would grow up or at least grow a back bone. Note to the poor girl, feeding neighborhood kids cookies laced with toenails will do nothing to stop Chanel.

*Forced to choose between frat bros Roger and Dodger while stuck in the hedge maze with the Red Devil on their tails was the least interesting Chanel #5 moment of the episode. I understand that the writer wanted the scene to come across as funny, but it just made me roll my eyes.

*I still want to know how the hell Zayday even has a shot at becoming president. What sorority lets a pledge run for office?

*My Jamie Less theory is now officially falling apart. As much as I want her to don the red mask and go on a killing spree, it looks like that won't happen. I am starting to wonder if Zayday is part of the conspiracy though...

Thoughts and Observations on Scream Queens Episode 3 Haunted House

*Zeyday still thinks she has a shot in hell of stealing president away from Chanel, and even Chanel thinks she'll win. Since when do freshmen rushes even have a shot at running for president of a sorority house.

*Hester, still thinking she's hot shit from the makeover Chanel gave her, sets her sights on Chad. After a disturbing scene in which Chad finds the perfect grave to masturbate to and starts to drop his pants, she pops up and gives him a chub as she talks about getting turned on by dead bodies before deciding it isn't the right time.

*Well, it looks like we finally know what happened to Ms. Bean! Chad and Hester are unlucky enough to stumble across her body in a haunted house that Zeyday set up as a way to raise money for sickle cell anemia. The best moment came when Hester thought it was a replica, went to touch the leg, and her hand went right through the corpse. We also learn the fate of other characters like Coney and Chanel #2.

*Chanel has so many followers on Instagram that she celebrates Chanel-o-Ween instead of Halloween, which she says is something she'll keep doing when she's a big star. After seeing her send body parts and god knows what else to her followers, we get to see a hilarious moment with her riding around in a kids' battery powered car.

*Aw, Chanel really does have a heart! She comes thisclose to crying when she tells the other Chanels her fears on losing her presidency.

*Oh snap, Denise wanted to join the sorority! Zeyday confronts her with the truth, reveals that they pretty much didn't want a black girl, and announces that Denise has a motive to be the killer.

*The cops don't think that Jamie Lee is behind the killings, but the cop talking with her does think she makes an awesome heavenly hash. She throws herself at Wes again, this time telling him that he can be her date to the faculty party and that they will go as Little Bo Peep and her sheep.

*Grace and Pete dress up as characters from How to Lose a Date in 10 Days, which makes me wonder if Ryan Murphy has any idea what teens watch.

*They track down one of the former sorority sisters, who tells them that the dean made them get rid of the body to protect herself and them before making the girls leave school. Red Devil later attacks her and leaves her body at the haunted house, where police simply identify her as a Jane Doe.

*The baby was a girl! That means it can't be Pete or Chad, unless there's some Sleepaway Camp stuff going on. Grace confronts Wes because she thinks she was the baby. I'm beginning to think that would be the easy solution.

*They learn that someone took care of the baby in the same house where the haunted house is and that people referred to the woman as a hag. The end of the episode reveals that the hag in question was Gigi.

*I can't figure out what movie Wes made his class watch! It's clearly a Children of the Corn movie but not the first one. The sad thing is that I own them all.

*Ugh, Chanel and her minions flip out on some guy for whistling at them and calling them hot, which leads to them attacking him and beating the crap out of him. Given the way they act all the time, it seems like something they would just take as a compliment.

*I stand by my belief that Dean Jamie Lee is the killer. Knowing that she was there when they dumped the body and is the only one who knew what happened to the baby is more proof. I'm 99% sure I'm wrong though.

*I also stand by my belief that Scream Queens tries way too hard. It often feels like jokes are shoved down our throats and that the director/producers want us to act or think in a specific way. Thanks, but I can make up my own mind!

Love in the Time of Monsters – 97 Minutes of Pure Entertainment

Runtime: 97 minutes

Release Date: March 8, 2014

Rating: NR

Director: Matt Jackson

Love in the Time of Monsters opens with two young girls at a tourist spot with their dad. When he dies an accidental death that was partially their fault, we jump to the present day. Carla and Marla are the two sisters from the very beginning. Marla is the angsty, likes to drink, slightly slutty sister, while Carla is the good girl. You can tell which one is which because the bad girl has dark hair and the blond girl is the good girl.

Carla dragged her sister to some crappy tourist trap where her boyfriend works to make some extra money. Since he's gone all the time, she wanted to surprise him. She lures her sister there with the promise of seeing their equally slutty and likes to drink friend. Turns out that their friend is now a by the books employee of Slavko who doesn't have time to deal with all their crap. Carla heads off to find her guy, leaving Marla to seek comfort in the arms of the bartender, the only relatively hot and non-gay guy in the hotel.

Kane Hodder, frankly I refused to learn his name, is part of a team of guys who dress up like Bigfoot and head into the woods. Tourists pay money to get a tour of the property and possibly run into one of these creatures. When one of the men wanders across a pool of what looks like toxic ooze, he gets infected and in turn infects all the other guys. When the Bigfoot dressed crew begin attacking, Carla, Marla, and the rest need to find a way to survive until help can arrive.

When we popped this movie in, my friends rolled their eyes and groaned. I picked it out without knowing a single thing about it and actually thought it was pretty funny from the very beginning. The others kept rolling their eyes and complaining for the first 20 minutes before they finally started laughing. It's the kind of movie that makes it very clear that the director and screenwriter have a deep love for horror movies and aren't afraid to poke fun at those films.

Even though it has a fairly mediocre rating online, Love in the Time of Monsters was one of the best horror films I've seen in months and one of the best horror comedies I've ever seen. Where else will you see Kane Hodder wandering around in a Bigfoot costume with a dazed look on his face as he randomly attacks people? It's also the type of movie where a moose will come out of nowhere and you will laugh but then realize that it's something you probably should have expected.

And let's not forget the random guy who lives in a cabin in the woods and manages to save one of our lead girls only to later reveal that he's secretly in love with the wife of the owner of the tourist trap. Or the fact that there's a guy called Dr. Lincoln who wears a Lincoln costume throughout the whole movie and is pretty much the only person who can save the day. While it didn't have a ton of jump scenes or scary moments, Love in the Time of Monsters is my favorite movie so far of the month!

Asylum Movie Review – An After Dark Original

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: June 2, 2015

Rating: R

Director: Todor Chapkanov

Asylum made me remember that you shouldn't judge a book or a movie by its cover. While the cover art and the description made it look great, it was far from what I expected.

I'll be honest here and say that I never even bothered to learn the names of characters in the movie because it kept jumping around so much. There are two main stories going on at the same time. The first is a hostage negotiator working in an insane asylum. A group of patients escaped and took over the hospital. The negotiator and his team must try to take back the hospital and keep the inmates in line.

While that might be a movie I would like to see, I wasn't too crazy about the second story. This one involves two men sitting around and watching the footage shot of a new horror movie on a computer. Turns out that the horror movie is actually the first story, as in the asylum story isn't actually happening but is just a movie. As if that weren't enough, we also have to deal with some spirits or some shit taking over the movie. It's just too much.

That's the main problem with Asylum: there is just too much going on. It's like the producers wanted to make two separate movies, realized they didn't have enough content, and decided to just throw a couple of stories together. It jumps back and forth between the stories too much, which makes things a little hard to follow.

Did I mention that there's some type of MST3K thrown in for good measure as well? The two guys watching the footage aren't content with just sitting down and watching the footage. They want to critique everything they see and try to make it into a big joke. All that does is take us out of the movie. Just as things start to get interesting, we cut back to the two of them.

The saddest thing of all is that Stephen Rea has a fairly major role in the movie and gets top billing. You might remember him from movies like Underworld: Awakening, The Crying Game, and V for Vendetta. While he is a talented actor, the director completely wastes his talent here. It led to my roommate going from, “hey that guy looks kind of familiar” to “wait, I know him from Underworld” to “oh god, why is he in this movie?”.

I occasionally see ratings for films later and usually disagree, but this one absolutely deserves the low rating it has on IMDB. While reading what others thought, I noticed that a lot of people thought it was hilarious, but I found it more painful than anything. It's clear that the writers and director wanted to make a funny movie but that didn't happen.

While the horror sections of Asylum weren't too bad, the comedic elements were just way too much.

Lake Placid vs. Anaconda – Can't Keep a Good Croc Down

Runtime: 92 minutes

Release Date: April 23, 2015

Rating: NR

Director: A.B. Stone

Jim (Robert Englund) takes a group of scientists into the wilds of New York to capture one of those infamous crocodiles. They want to breed the crocodile with an anaconda. While this usually takes lot of time and work, they take the easy way out and just inject blood from the crocodile into the pregnant snack, and blamo! It's all good. Except it's not all good at all. The crocodile wakes up from its sedative snack and goes ape shit, which ends with most running away and the RV they used exploding.

Reba (Yancy Butler from the last two Lake Placid movies) is now in charge of the police department in the same small town from one of the earlier films. The mayor or some guy like the mayor, hears word that the giant crocodiles might be back and orders her to take care of the problem without ever letting anyone know that there's giant man eating crocodiles nearby. She and her deputy Ferguson find evidence of crocodiles, which leads her to call on Fish & Wildlife for help.

Meanwhile, Bethany is a college student pledging a sorority and winds up near the lake with the other pledges and Tiffani, the president of the sorority. Tiffani is a mega bitch who makes them jump in and out of the lake on her command. Bethany also meets Margo, the stereotypical Converse wearing, black eyeliner, roll her eyes every 30 seconds college feminist. Turns out she's really only there to write a paper for her psychology class. Because freshmen go undercover and write detailed psychology papers? As a psychology BS holder, I say not.

Bethany winds up calling her dad to check in, who is conveniently Tull (Corin Nemec, who looks like he hasn't aged in 15 years), the head of Fish & Wildlife. Tull eventually meets up with Reba and starts investigating for signs of the crocodiles. When he learns that his daughter was on the water that day and finds signs that crocodiles really did attack the sorority girls, he tries to find a way to save his daughter while helping Reba too.

I still remember seeing the original Lake Placid in theaters and being shocked at little old Betty White. I also remember seeing the original Anacondas in theaters and being shocked at how awful Jennifer Lopez was. While I stuck with the Lake Placid series, I haven't seen a single of the Anacondas films until this one.

Is it wrong of me to say that this is the best one? In a week where I watched Lavalantulas, Sharknado 2, and Sharknado 3, Lake Placid vs. Anaconda actually came out on top. There's the joy of watching and waiting to see what happens to Englund, Reba constantly yelling at Ferguson who is great for comedic relief, and the creepy incestuous vibe between Tull and his daughter. Seriously, who calls their dad just to say I love you and tease him about what he does when you aren't there, and who calls his daughter baby when she's in college? It doesn't help that with Nemec never aging that they kind of do look like a couple.

Lake Placid vs. Anaconda is just fun. You have to laugh every time Ferguson does something stupid, and you have to root for Englund, who clearly had fun making the movie. While it might not be Oscar worthy, it's definitely fun!

Jack Frost Movie Review - “It ain't Fucking Frosty!”

Runtime: 89 minutes

Release Date: November 18, 1997

Rating: R

Director: Michael Cooney

Once upon a time in a not so far away land, I lived in my parents' house with my older brother. As we both loved horror movies, we would often head to Blockbuster to surprise each other with bad horror movies and watch them together. Jack Frost is one of the movies that I remember watching with him, but watching it now, I'm not entirely sure how we ever got through it!

I could give you a whole big plot synopsis, but do you really need one? Jack Frost, who had the poor misfortune of actually growing up with that name, killed multiple people before a small town sheriff captured him. Cut to police later transporting him to another prison for his execution because I guess they somehow let a serial killer roam free at a minimum security prison or something. While on the way, a truck filled with toxic acid hits them. Jack winds up getting hit full on with the toxic waste, which leads to him melting away into the snow. He then comes back as a living snowman to murder anyone who gets in his way.

With a plot like that, how could this movie ever be bad? Toss in Shannon Elizabeth in one of her first movie roles as a stereotypical dumb hot girl, and this movie should be gold. Did I mention that the sheriff who captured Jack is now living in the same town and has a daughter? Seriously, this should be cheesy gold. Note how I kept using the word should?

There are a few moments in the movie worth mentioning. At one point, Jack somehow manages to wed his massive snowman body into a police car, which results in him running through the streets of town in the car. Sadly, he only gets to mow down one person. I'd love to see him chasing people Twisted Metal style through the streets.

We also get a great scene with Shannon Elizabeth. While lounging her slutty self in the tub, she feels something in the water with her and naturally assumes that it's her boyfriend, so she encourages him to keep going. Just as she's really getting into it, she finally opens her eyes and sees Jack Frost. Before he kills her, he finishes what he started. Hey! The guy was in minimum security prison for like two whole hours, what did you expect him to do?

There are also a few funny moments with the sheriff and his crew trying to hunt Jack down and kill him. You would think killing a snowman would be easy but apparently not. They try shooting him, which is probably how they take down other serial killers, but it just goes right through him. The best is when they decide to just melt him with a bunch of hairdryers. I guess they couldn't find heaters in a town filled with snow.

Sigh. I think this is a case of seeing a movie years ago and thinking it was all in good cheesy fun only to later find that it's just awful. Watching Jack Frost now makes we wonder how that horrible movie Uncle Sam will hold up...

Zombeavers Movie Review - We cannot turn against each other right now. That's exactly what the beavers would want.

Runtime: 85 minutes
Release Date: March 20 2015
Rating: R
Director: Jordan Rubin


Two truck drivers (including one played by John Mayer who I did not recognize until the very end) are driving down the road and not paying attention, which causes them to hit a deer and drop a barrel of toxic waste into the local water supply where beavers live.


Cut to Mary, Zoe, and Jenn arriving at a cabin owned by Mary's cousin for a girls' weekend getaway. Zoey is the stereotypical slut who freaks out because she can't use her phone and takes off her top within 10 minutes. Mary is the "smart" girl, and you know she's smart because she wears glasses and talks about school. Jenn is just upset because her boyfriend Sam was tagged on Facebook getting down with another girl.


While hanging out by the lake, they see a bear, but luckily, a random hunter named Smyth pops up and fires his gun to scare it away. He then warns them about dressing like whores before wandering off. Later that night, the guys show up. Tommy is Mary's boyfriend, Buck is with Zoey, and Sam came to talk to Jenn. After kissing him and kneeing him in the balls, Jenn settles down a bit. Jenn goes crazy after finding a crazy beaver in the bathroom. They attack and kill the beaver before leaving it outside, but when they go to the water the next day, the beaver is gone. Once crazy zombeavers attack Buck in the water, our group kind of/sort of figures out what's going on.


Can I just say that I now have a new favorite guilty pleasure movie? Zombeavers was so insane and over the top that you can't help but like it. It made me feel the way other people did the first time they saw Sharknado. I didn't get it when I saw that movie, but I get it now. It was clearly done by someone who loved bad and cheesy horror movies because everything about Zombeavers seems like something I've seen in a bad 80s horror flick.


Not only do we get the classic stereotypical characters, but we get that moment where the main character suddenly becomes a human-beaver-zombie hybrid and allows a second character to take the lead. We even have that plot "twist" that anyone can see coming. Hint: it turns out that the girl Sam had the fling with isn't a random stranger.


And oh my god, the beavers! They were so fucked up and crazy looking that I want like six of them for Halloween to hang out in my front yard with a few zombie flamingos and one I can leave sitting in my living room year round. My only one minor complaint is how often the characters mention that they're in Indiana given that the background looks absolutely nothing like Indiana. I loved Zombeavers so much that I think I might go watch it again, right now.


Oh, and if you're a fan of The Office or a Parks and Recreation fan like me (save for the last season), keep your eyes peeled. The actors who played JJ on Parks and Recreation and Bill Vance from The Office are both in very minor/almost cameo roles.

Life After Beth – Better After Some Thought

Runtime: 89 minutes
Release Date: July 15, 2014
Rating: R
Director: Jeff Baena


Zach doesn't know quite what to do with himself after learning that his girlfriend Beth died. While trying to cope with her passing, he starts spending a lot of time with her parents Maury and Geenie. They play games, talk about Beth, and generally just try to be there for each other. When he goes over to their house one day, he finds the door locked and they won't answer it even though he can see them. After gaining access to their home, he discovers that Beth is alive again.


Instead of her parents faking her death, he learns that Beth actually came back from the dead. Unfortunately, Beth thinks everything is fine and has no idea that she died, nor does she know that they actually broke up before her death. Zach tries to pretend that everything is fine between them, even as Beth goes off the deep end. She constantly tries to have sex with him, breaks through walls and exhibits other types of super strength, and even sets fire to a lifeguard stand at one time. Since he can't tell anyone that she's back from the dead, he has to find a way to play nice with his dead girlfriend at the same time that his own parents attempt to set him up with the pretty girl next door.


Life After Beth is a good movie, but only after you step back and give it some thought. When we first watched it, we all sat there for awhile with our WTF faces on. None of us were particularly fond of it, which was odd because we all love Aubrey Plaza. I turned all my friends onto Parks and Recreation, and I think I'm the only person who actually enjoyed the first season. After a few weeks though, we realized that we were constantly quoting the movie and bringing up scenes to make each other laugh.


The sad thing is that this is definitely a Plaza movie, but Plaza really isn't that funny in this one. The exception are the scenes at the very end when she's strapped to an oven and trying to walk, but you can see those moments in the trailer. The real standouts are all the background characters.


Molly Shannon is hysterical as Beth's mom, especially towards the end when she has no clue what is going on around here. John C. Reilly is also pretty damn funny as Beth's dad. Then you have Cheryl Hines and Paul Resier as Zach's parents. It's always nice to see Reiser pop up in something and actually get a few good lines.


I was also a big fan of Matthew Gray Gubler. He plays Zach's older brother who is obsessed with following the laws and keeping people safe. When he joins the local group tasked with stopping the zombie invasion, I couldn't stop laughing. Plus we get a fun little cameo from Gary Marshall when he comes back from the dead. Even Anna Kendrick turns up as the girl dating Zach. One of the best moments comes when Zach is trying to talk about Beth and she gets super confused because she thought his girlfriend was dead.


Life After Beth is a smart comedy/horror film, and I think it's the type of movie that requires multiple viewings.

Lucky Movie Review: If I Had a Million Dollars...

Runtime: 103 minutes
Release Date: July 15, 2011
Rating: R
Director: Gil Cates Jr.


Lucky opens with a pretty blonde woman buying a lottery ticket at a convenience store. After the clerk attempts to flirt with her badly, she grabs her ticket and leaves. Noticing that she left behind her license, the clerk runs after her and finds her gone.


We then get to meet Lucy and Ben. Old friends, the two now work at the same office but rarely talk. Ben is your typically nebbish guy who lives with his mom and doesn't really have any friends. Lucy is a super happy and peppy woman who is in love with her coworker Steve. Steve ends their affair at lunch, which leads to Lucy telling his clients during an important meeting that they were lovers and basically quitting her job.


Ben's mom calls and asks him to come home because of an emergency. When he rushes home, he finds the local news waiting to congratulate him for winning $36 million in the lottery. Ben heads downstairs, watches the news, and hears about a new missing girl. He then goes to his closet and sees the dead body of the girl from the store and lets her know that her ticket was a winner.


When Lucy finds out about his win, she decides to finally give him a chance. This leads to her frequently turning up wherever he is and kind of throwing herself at him. They start dating and eventually marry. Lucy seems to bring out the bad side of Ben, convincing him that as a millionaire, he can now do whatever he wants. On their honeymoon in Hawaii, Ben kills a hotel maid after imaging that she's Lucy. She oversees the murder and thinks about calling the police before finally deciding to stick with him. When they get back home, Lucy realizes that this wasn't a first time thing and that her new husband is a serial killer with an interest in women who look just like her.


I heard a lot about Lucky before I sat down to watch it, but as much as I like both Colin Hanks and Ari Graynor, this film didn't do either of them justice. Lucy is such an annoying character that you can't possibly root for her. She goes from loving a random man at work to deciding that she needs to win Ben, even though she never cared for him before. All she cares about now is his money, which she makes clear when he runs out on their honeymoon.


Everything that she does in the film is because she just wants his money. There was one point in the film where I thought she might actually care about him. After finding three bodies buried on their property, she digs them up and moves them. Turns out that she's just worried that if someone finds them, she might lose out on her gravy train.


I loved Hanks in Band of Brothers, Orange County and on Roswell, but there is nothing to love about him here. Not only is his character incredibly boring, but he isn't even a very good serial killer. The movie tries to make his scenes funny or light but it fails completely. After murdering the maid, he sets up the room to make it look like she slipped on a banana peel and hit her head. Instead of making me laugh, it made me groan.


Lucky was in my Netflix queue forever, but now I think I understand why I waited so long to watch it.