Submerged Movie Review – Not for the Claustrophobic

Runtime: 99 minutes

Release Date: November 27, 2015

Rating: NR

Director: Steven C. Miller

You could put Tim Daly in anything and the odds are good that I would probably watch it. In fact, he's the sole reason I watched Private Practice. While I only watched Submerged because of him, it turns out that it wasn't that bad.

The movie follows a young girl, not that young though like college, and her friends. Jessie sneaks away from her dad to spend the weekend with her friends at a lake house. Hank, her father played by the super yummy Tim Daly, sends his best man Matt to pick her up. Matt is both a driver and a bodyguard and played by Jonathon Bennett. I find it strange that most of his know him from Mean Girls but that a whole new generation knows him as a host on Food Network. Odd.

Anyway, it turns out that Hank is worth a lot of money and that there are people willing to do anything to get that money. We know that because people show up in a dark car and attempt to kidnap Jessie. All they actually do though is hit the car hard enough that it crashes over the side of a bridge. When the kids try to escape, our bad guys shoot at them. With Matt in the front seat and the other characters in the back, they need to find a way to work together and hopefully escape before time runs out.

Review for Submerged were absolutely terrible, which I find strange because it was actually pretty entertaining. Yes, most of the characters were those classic stereotypes. We have the poor little rich girl who has everything handed to her on a silver platter and still isn't happy, the douchy frat boy you want to punch in the face, and the girl who cares more about hooking up than anything else. When they actually land in the water though, you'll find yourself caring about what happens to them and even wincing when the bad guys thwart their escape attempts.

Like I said up top, this is not for the claustrophobic. Some of the scenes in this film reminded me of The Descent, especially in regards to Matt. The kids in the backseat actually have room to spread out and move, but he's stuck in the front seat of a limo with a bum leg and almost no space to move. It left me feeling really unsettled and wondering what I would do in a similar situation.

And okay, the movie isn't fantastic. Bennett really doesn't come across as the type of guy you would hire to protect your kids. Even when he's doing ass kicking stuff, you still want to giggle because he looks like a huge dork. And Mario Van Peebles, who yes, is also in this flick, looks like he showed up to make $20 bucks and decided to only do $20 worth of work. Even Daly isn't his usually sparkling best. The end also felt so much like a TV movie that I had to look it up to see if this aired on television first.

So while it did have some flaws, I actually enjoyed it. Submerged may just make you wonder what you would do if trapped in a car with the water rising all around you...

Apartment 4E – Give Me Back My Time!

Runtime: 87 minutes

Release Date: 2012

Rating: NR

Director: Russell Leigh Sharman

Piper is one of the most annoying people in the world. She's a shut in who never leaves her apartment because of a medical condition, and she has no patience for anyone else, which is odd given that no one could possibly spend an extended period of time with her. At some point in the recent past, Piper made a new friend online named Mollie. The two had a close relationship, but things are about to change.

A man knocks on her door, saying his name is John and that he's Mollie's brother. He asks to talk to her, and she lets him in, but she also lets him know that she doesn't trust him. Though he answers some of her questions about Mollie, she can't shake the feeling that there's more than meets the eye with him. The more time they spend together, the more she realizes that she can't trust John and that John might not be who he says he is.

I've talked about contained movies before, and "Apartment 4E" is a great example of what not to do. I hate to give it a bad review because it does have a great story attached to it. The film was actually the result of a Kickstarter campaign that helped fund the film. It still had a low budget though, which led to the entire film taking place inside a single apartment.

When a film can't rely on large sets or expensive backdrops, it needs to focus on character development and great acting. Piper is such an unlikeable character that it was hard to sit through 87 minutes of her. I read a review that talked about how viewers needed to understand that she was bi-polar and suffering a breakdown, but I don't think that's a good excuse.

This is the type of woman who immediately feels suspicious from the moment someone knocks on her door. When he tells her that Mollie sent him, she instantly thinks he's lying. She then spends the rest of the film alternating between wanting to kill him and wanting to kill herself. "Apartment 4E" wasn't what I expected, but I can't imagine sitting down to watch it again now that I know the plot.

247°F Movie Review – I Guess We're Gonna Party Like a Bunch of Pagens Tonight.

Jenna (Taylor Scout-Compton, "Halloween") was in a bad car accident that caused the death of her boyfriend. A few years later, her friends decide that since she's still in mourning, the best thing to do is take her to a massive rave-type party and stay at one of the guy's uncles house in the middle of nowhere. Her group includes Renee, her boyfriend Michael, and their mutual friend Ian (Travis Van Winkle, "Friday the 13^th").

Before heading out to the party, they decide to jump into the sauna. After smoking a little marijuana, Michael tries to get Renee to do a few dirty things (cue the porn music), but she isn't comfortable fooling around in front of their friends. Angry, he decides to jump out and winds up falling asleep/passing out. He doesn't realize that something fell over and blocked the exit. Renee realizes it when she tries to walk out. Thinking that it's just a prank, they stay in the sauna until the temperatures start climbing and they realize that they might not make it out alive.

It takes a lot of talent to keep a film focused on a confined space. Unfortunately, "247°F" is definitely missing that. I can't blame Van Winkle because he does a good job of playing the dickish rich guy. I'm pretty sure that I’ve never seen him playing the nice guy or the straight guy before. In this one, he actually does some nice stuff, mainly in the hopes of getting the girls out of the sauna. Since it isn't him, I guess I'll have to blame the other two girls.

Look, I never liked Scout-Compton before. I still wince every time that I think about the "Halloween" remakes, especially the second one, which I sadly let someone drag me to see in the theater. There's something about her voice or her movements that I don't like, and honestly, if I knew that she was in this one, there's a good chance that I would have skipped it. Instead, I saw the box, thought it sounded interesting, and there you go.

There was nothing about "247°F" that really appealed to me. I actually took a bathroom break, which turned into a feed the cats, put some dishes on to soak break, and I skipped fifteen minutes of the movie. My friend asked if I wanted him to pause it, but I declined because I really didn't care much for the film. I may give it another shot later on, but the first viewing didn't do a lot for me.