The Falling Movie Review – Weird and Just Plain Strange

Runtime: 102 minutes

Release Date: April 24, 2014

Rating: ?

Director: Carol Morley

The Falling is one of those movies that the roommate and I picked up at Family Video because of the box art and the synopsis on the back. While we got through the whole movie, I can safely say that it's not one I would ever watch again.

Set in the turbulent 1960s, the film tells the story of a young teenage girl named Lydia. She lives alone with her mother, who has a fear of going outside and spends most of her time holed up in her own bedroom. Lydia becomes friends with Abbie. While Lydia is quiet and meek, Abbie is boisterous and out of control. She loves telling her friend about her sexual exploits.

When Abbie dies, Lydia finds herself taking on her former friend's role in school. Though she abstains from sexual intercourse, she does form a strange relationship with her own brother. That leads to her suffering from a fainting spell, but when she faints multiple times, the doctors cannot determine the cause. To make things even worse, the other girls in her new group of friends suddenly begin passing out as well, creating an epidemic in their small town.

The Falling is a strange movie that got some great reviews, but after watching it, I feel like I must have missed something. It literally has an average rating of 7+ out of 10 on some sites, but I have absolutely no clue why. It's an incredibly confusing movie that goes from nothing happening to major information thrown at you in short chunks. I had a hard time following it, and my roommate even fell asleep halfway through and went to bed without finishing it.

We are both fans of a Japanese movie called Stacey about teenage girls who become zombies after having sex, and the plot of this movie made it seem like it might be somewhat similar. It is absolutely nothing like that movie. The Falling is really confusing.

Lydia goes from being this meek and quiet girl to someone who bats her eyelashes at her brother and wonders out loud why he doesn't look at her the same way he did her friend. Then she can't understand why her mother flips out when she finds them going at it in their bed. It also features an incredibly weird and confusing ending that left me wondering what the hell just happened.

If you're looking for an answer as to what happened to the girls and why they suddenly started fainting all over the place, don't look at me. The Falling never bothers to explain that crucial piece of information. It's apparently just something like hysteria, where all the girls want to pass out because the other girls do. I really didn't like the movie, and I really don't want to watch it again.

Saw 3 – Jigsaw is Back Yet Again

Runtime: 108 minutes

Release Date: October 27, 2006

Rating: R

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Remember when Detective Matthews went missing at the end of the last film? Well, he's still missing. Though Detective Kerry feels guilty and blames herself for his disappearance, she promises to work with Detective Hoffman and Lieutenant Rigg to find Jigsaw and hopefully bring Matthews back home again.

During an investigation of the latest victim, Kerry is the only one who realizes there is something different. Unlike all the previous traps, this one was set up in such a way that the victim could not escape. Kerry herself then becomes the next victim of the so-called Jigsaw Killer.

We then find ourselves introduced to Lynn, a doctor who is seemingly unhappy with her life. While working in a hospital, she finds herself abducted and later wakes to see Amanda watching over her. Amanda fits her with a collar designed to blow up if she attempts to escape before introducing her to Jigsaw. It turns out that our favorite crazy killer is dying and Lynn is his last chance for survival.

At the same time, a father named Jeff wakes in a strange house. Still dealing with the loss of his child who was killed by a drunk driver, he can't move on with his life. Jigsaw and Amanda created a series of rooms designed to test his ability to forgive and forget. Each room features someone connected to the case, and Jeff only has a limited amount of time to either help each person or walk away.

Like I said before, the later Saw movies get a lot of flack for being too confusing or just plain bad, but Saw 3 was actually a lot better than I remembered. One of the worst deaths is easily what happens to Kerry. She finds herself stuck inside a butterfly trap with the key stuck in the bottom of a glass of acid. Since the trap was designed to fail, she naturally loses. Seeing a beloved character die by having her insides literally ripped out of her was almost a little sad.

Then we have some of the deaths that occur when Jeff is moving through the building. There is one with a woman who actually freezes to death slowly with cold water sprayed over her body in a freezing cold room. Plus, we get the scene of the man getting literally twisted to death one body part at a time. I give you props if you can get through that scene without wincing or screaming.

Since a Saw movie isn't complete without at least one twist, the twist in this one comes near the end. Though I'm sure many people saw it coming, I definitely did not. We learn that Lynn is actually the wife of Jeff. As we first see her in bed with another man, most of us naturally assumed that the two had no connection.

This is also the movie where Amanda finally dies. Though she's an evil bitch character, her death didn't exactly seem fitting. To have her die via a brand new character shooting her in the neck was somewhat of a sad end to her. We also get to learn a little more of the backstory of Jigsaw/John Kramer, including his life before he became one of the most infamous killers in fictional history. Say what you want, but Saw 3 had a lot going for it and was probably the last great film in the franchise.

Scream Queens Season 1 Episode 6 – Seven Minutes in Hell Thoughts and Observations

*While billed as the most kills in an episode up to date, did anyone really care about most of the deaths? Let's be honest, no one gives a damn that the other half of Roger/Dodger died or about the guy who lost his arms. Sadly though, I will miss Predatory Lez.

*Chanel and Chad are back together again, which makes me worry that we'll have to deal with more of their bull shit in the coming episodes. The interplay between them should be interesting and make us laugh, but honestly, I find myself cringing during most of their scenes.

*I kind of love the underground tunnels beneath the sorority house! Gotta love Chanel giving Zayday a history of the previous presidents and their contributions to the campus. Who knew a sorority president was responsible for spreading cocaine use on campus?

*I actually kind of liked Chanel in this episode. When she reveals that she threw a fake hissy fit after she and Zayday tied for president just because she wanted to look like the bigger person when she gave in, I actually laughed. I laughed even harder when she pointed out that this was all because she wanted the Red Devil to go after Zayday.

*Where did all the hats for Chanel #5 come from all of the sudden? It was clear that she was Chanel least favorite sister, but all the hate in this episode seemed to come out of nowhere.

*Neck Brace really needs to stop constantly hitting on Chad. It's actually a little creepy the way she throws herself at him all the time.

*The epic dance party moment during the slumber party made me both cringe and wince. The whole scene felt out of place. Did the director suddenly decide that he wanted to put one more classic song in the episode but wasn't sure how?

*Loved the interplay between Predatory Lez and Chanel #3. Who didn't love their bathroom moment when she finally revealed the story behind her earmuffs? And, who didn't love the scene where Chanel #3 thought PL would reveal that her deepest darkest secret was that she was in love with her but she actually told them about the Charles Manson connection?

*So, Predatory Lez knew who the killer was all along? That's what we got from her death scene when she said exactly that to the Red Devil. I guess she never heard about the whole sisterhood thing, though I do wonder if she ever told Chanel #3 her guess...

*If the Red Devil is obsessed with Zayday, why the hell did he try to kill her in this episode? Even if it's the “other” Red Devil, you would think the other guy wouldn't be too happy about his buddy killing his lady love.

*Ugh, the Gigi conspiracy continues. Is it bad that I really, really want her to be the next one to die?

*Wasn't it convenient that practically everyone who didn't show up in this episode showed up at the very end? I still have a wonky feeling about the dean, but now I may suspect Pete a little bit too...

Pet Sematary II Movie Review – Better Than You Remember

Runtime: 100 minutes

Release Date: August 28, 1992

Rating: R

Director: Mary Lambert

Jeff Matthews is a young teenager sent to live with his veterinarian father after his actress mother dies in an accident on her latest film set. Chase, his father, decides to move them both to a new town in the hopes of starting over fresh without memories of her weighing them down. Unfortunately, he moves them to the same town where she lived in her younger years, which puts them in contact with the sheriff who once dated her. Jeff also meets and befriends Drew, the stepson of the sheriff.

Though Jeff initially makes a new friend and seems happy with his new kitten, it doesn't take long before things go a little off. Zowie, Drew's dog, dies after the sheriff Gus makes him put the dog outside. The two boys learn about the Creed family from the first film and decide to bury Zowie in the pet cemetery. Zowie comes back changed and different. He attacks the sheriff and won't let anyone except Drew near him. After Zowie attacks and kills Gus and the boys bury him in the same cemetery, things get even darker.

Years ago, when I was way too young to be reading Stephen King books, I read Pet Sematary and later watched the movie. The scene of a dead Pascal standing in the doorway completely traumatized me. At the time, my bedroom had four doors leading to the house, outside, and to the garage. Basically, no matter where I looked, there was a door where I expected to see Pascal.

Pet Sematary 2 was far less traumatizing to me. I remember first watching it when it came out in the theaters, watching it later on video, and eventually even getting a copy on DVD. Since I have no idea where my copy is and it was about to expire on Netflix, I figured now was a good time to watch it again. While it gets some terrible reviews, I have to say that I like it.

Clancy Brown is just plain amazing in this movie. As Gus, he is so downright creepy and just plain mean that you can't wait to see him die, but then you'll find that you like him even more when he comes back from the dead. He pretty much spends the whole movie chewing on the scenery, as if he knows that he's in a bad movie.

And while it is bad, Pet Sematary is bad in a completely fun and ridiculous way! It's the type of movie where you see Anthony Edwards enjoying a sex scene with his dead wife and the woman suddenly transforms into a half woman/half wolf hybrid. It's also probably the last “good” movie that Edward Furlong appeared in before his career tanked. While I do have a fondness for some of his bad later films, this was one of the last fun ones he did.

Is Pet Sematary 2 absolutely anything like the original film? Not at all. The only thing it really has in common is the cemetery itself. While you would expect the residents of the town to freak out given what happened in the last movie, they barely mention it or talk about it. Despite that, it's actually a pretty enjoyable movie. Pet Sematary 2 is definitely the type of movie you want to watch with some friends so you can laugh and point out all the ridiculous moments together.

Hidden Movie Review – A Unique Twist on the Zombie Flick

Runtime: 84 minutes

Release Date: September 15, 2015

Rating: R

Director: The Duffer Brothers (Matt and Ross Duffer)

Ray, his wife Claire and their daughter Zoe are forced to live underground in a fallout shelter at an old school. When Hidden first opens, the three are already living their lives underground and fearing the monsters that walk above. Though they seemingly have everything, Zoe seems especially worried about what goes on above ground and clings to an old doll.

As the movie unfolds, we learn what happened prior to the opening of the film. While planning a day of fun between Zoe and a neighbor boy, Zoe came home and told her parents that the boy and his family were leaving. The other couple refused to say much expect to warn them that they needed to get out of town as soon as possible. When they tried to leave, they found that the government blocked off all access and refused to let anyone leave because of an outbreak in their city. The military then bombed the city, leaving the family to seek shelter underground.

After briefly arguing over whether to eat beans or peaches for dinner, Zoe reveals that there are no peaches. Closer inspection reveals that something punctured their canned goods and ate the food inside. Though Zoe instantly assumes it was one of the monsters they call breathers, her parents claim it was just a rat. As Hidden continues on, we eventually learn more about the breathers and the infection that struck the town.

I have mixed feelings about Hidden. While it's a good movie and really does bring something new to the zombie genre, I can't imagine myself watching it again. It seems like one of those movies that you might recommend to others and one you can appreciate but not one that will become one of your new favorites.

The movie has an unsettling feel, mainly because it surrounds just three people stuck in a small space for most of its runtime. It almost reminded me of The Descent because of its creepy vibe. Except for a few scenes that take place at the very end and some scenes set in the past, the movie takes place entirely in the fallout shelter. It takes strong acting to keep your attention, and Hidden definitely has some strong acting.

While some reviews focus on Alexander Skarsgard, I want to give it up for Andrea Riseborough as Claire and Emily Alyn Lind as Zoe. Riseborough is phenomenal as a woman who knows more than she lets on and as a woman trapped between her husband and child. While she wants to protect her daughter from the dangers outside, she still wants to be a good wife. Lind also does a really good job for someone of her age. Though she's a bit annoying at times, she shows a lot of depth.

Hidden is one of the more unique films I've watched this year and especially this month. It's a dark and unsettling movie that will leave you wondering what you would do in a similar situation, and it features some great acting. Hidden definitely stuck in my mind and is one that I'll remember for awhile, but it's also not the type of horror movie I could see myself watching again and again.

Dark Places – Read the Book

Runtime: 113 minutes

Release Date: June 18, 2015

Rating: R

Director: Gilles Paquet-Brenner

Libby Day was just as a child when she lost her entire family. Her older brother Ben became the chief suspect and landed in prison for the murders of his mother and two younger sisters. Libby became an overnight sensation for her survival, landing on the covers of magazines and doing television appearances. She even wrote a best selling book and had a group of fans raise donations in the form of $1 million for her.

Years later, Libby is an adult and still trying to recover from the events of that night. After a meeting with her agent, she learns that all the money is nearly gone because she lived off it her entire life without working a single day. She gets a letter from a young man named Lyle who asks her to meet with his group one night. His group attempts to solve mysteries and loves serial killer crimes, and he can pay her for participating.

When Libby attends, she learns that many people believe that he brother is innocent of the crime. Many think it was her estranged POS father, while others think Libby herself is to blame because she named her brother as the killer. As Libby becomes caught up in the mystery surrounding what actually happened that night, she discovers that she knows less about her family than she ever believed.

After reading and watching Gone Girl, I downloaded Dark Places and read it in a single night. It was so good that I couldn't put it down, couldn't stop talking about it, and raved to everyone that it was so much better than Gone Girl. The twists that came at the end kept me gasping page after page, and I spent much of the book trying to figure out what happened. Sadly, Dark Places was nothing like the book.

The book did a great job of making you suspect every single character and keeping you guessing. Once it finally started wrapping up all its loose ends, it was like one amazing new piece of information every page. The movie takes too long to tie up those loose ends. You learn one piece of information, get another boring scene, learn something else, another boring scene, something new. I was so excited for my boyfriend to try and figure out the ending, but it took so long for us to learn everything that it wound up being a let down.

There were multiple things that both my roommate and my boyfriend didn't understand that I had to explain. It was like the screenwriter assumed that everyone who watched Dark Places read the book and would know what was coming. Other things were glossed over so quickly that it took awhile to remember what happened earlier in the movie.

While there was some good acting in the movie, it really didn't compare to Gone Girl. Charlize Theron gave Libby such a cool and calm attitude that it seemed like she didn't give a shit about anything that happened and that she never worried or felt any type of danger. It just gave me a cold feeling that made me want to go back and read the book.

Fido Movie Review – A Boy and His Zombie

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: March 16, 2007

Rating: R

Director: Andrew Currie

In another universe that pretty much looks like Earth in the 1950s, space radiation led to the dead coming back to life as zombies. Though the two sides battled it out, humans eventually won. That led to humans buying and selling zombies as commodities. They use them for everything from security guards to house boys.

Bill is a husband and father who fought in the zombie wars and now wants nothing to do with zombies in any shape or size. That makes it a little unusual when his wife Helen decides to bring home one for their house. Timmy, their son, isn't too sure about the zombie but gives it the name Fido, which his father dislikes because he doesn't think zombies deserve names and because he worries that his son will grow too attached to the zombie.

Though Fido wears the same collar that others do to keep the zombies in line, his collar breaks. After escaping from the yard, he attacks a neighbor and turns her into one of the dead. The local security company manage to stop the second zombie from infecting others and causing a second outbreak, but the company must investigate to find out which zombie got loose. Then it kind of turns into a movie about a boy and his zombie against the world.

Fido is one of those movies that I heard about a lot and never got the chance to watch. In fact, I even added it to my Netflix queue a few years ago. When I renewed my membership last year, it was one of the only things still in my list from back then. Despite never watching it, I knew I had to when I found out it was expiring soon.

Though it has a great premise, it wasn't my favorite. While it has some funny moments and some good acting, there was just something I didn't like about it. Carrie-Anne Moss is great as Helen, the housewife stuck between the life she always wanted and the life she has, and K'Sun Ray did a good job as the adorable little scamp Timmy. Billy Connolly did a good job as the zombie too.

While I wanted to like it, there was just something a little too off putting about the story. Helen winds up falling for Fido and treating him more like a friend and later a boyfriend than she does a servant. When she finally ends up with him at the end, I can safely say that I was probably the only person not rooting for the two of them.

Helen isn't a very good character either. While I get that she's an unhappy housewife, she constantly laughs and pokes fun at her husband. We're supposed to laugh because we're not supposed to like him, but he's basically a veteran who helped save millions of people from becoming zombies. Most movies ask us to hate zombies because they will eat our faces off and kill us, but this movie wants us to root for those same characters.

Now that I've seen Fido, I can cross it off my list. I know a lot of people loved it, but I wasn't a big fan.

Thoughts and Observations on Scream Queens Season 1 Episode 5 Pumpkin Patch

*The Red Devil is apparently not so secretly in love with Zayday given that after he kidnaps her, he lets her out of his secret dungeon just to treat her to dinner that he made just for her. That makes me doubt my Dean Jamie Lee theory...

*Denise also got her a little something something in the form of the not at all hot Chad. While the dean thinks he's a bumbling moron, Denise claims that he was among the best lovers she ever had. Gotta say that I lean more towards the dean's opinions on this one.

*Chad calling out the newest Chanel for having nice boobs in front of the original Chanel was one of the highlights of the episode.

*I'm already getting tired of Gigi and Wes. While I love me some Oliver Hudson, her character is really starting to grate on my last nerve. How can someone be so funny in real life but so annoying on television?

*I change my mind. The best moment of the film might be when Hester and Chanel #5 tell Jennifer that Chanel lights candles only once and hides them in her closet. That scream and look on her face made the episode worthwhile.

*So Gigi is secretly working with the Red Devil? Eh, it doesn't really surprise me. For someone who loves the Kappa girls so much, she sure seems to hate them and not be interested in helping them in anyway.

*Chanel demanding that her decorator create a perfect replica of the hedge maze from The Shining only proves that she watched the movie and had no clue it was ever a book. There is no hedge maze in the movie, and what happens in the book is somehow even creepier.

*How can you not love the look on the dean's face when she finds out that Gigi and Wes are now officially a couple? Then again, I think I would much rather see Curtis and Hudson steam up the screen.

*Chanel #5 is really starting to get on my nerves! I wish she would grow up or at least grow a back bone. Note to the poor girl, feeding neighborhood kids cookies laced with toenails will do nothing to stop Chanel.

*Forced to choose between frat bros Roger and Dodger while stuck in the hedge maze with the Red Devil on their tails was the least interesting Chanel #5 moment of the episode. I understand that the writer wanted the scene to come across as funny, but it just made me roll my eyes.

*I still want to know how the hell Zayday even has a shot at becoming president. What sorority lets a pledge run for office?

*My Jamie Less theory is now officially falling apart. As much as I want her to don the red mask and go on a killing spree, it looks like that won't happen. I am starting to wonder if Zayday is part of the conspiracy though...

Final Girl Movie Review – Weird and a Little Interesting

Runtime: 90 minutes

Release Date: August 14, 2015

Rating: ?

Director: Tyler Shields

Veronica is just a little girl at the beginning of Final Girl. After meeting William and revealing that the deaths of her parents didn't really bother her, he agrees to take her in and begin training her for a very special and important job.

The movie then jumps a few years into the future. Veronica is now a beautiful woman who still works with William. He takes her into the woods and starts her training over again. He teachers her hand to hand combat, including how to take down a man with just a punch. Though William seems to look at her more like a child or a student, she seems to view him as a potential lover.

After going through several montages and other moments, including a few scenes of her taking down men twice her size, we finally get to the heart of a story. While sitting in a small cafe and sipping a vanilla milkshake, a man named Jameson approaches her. Just a few seconds later, he makes plans to meet her again, asking her to wear red lipstick. He shows up for their date with his three best friends in tow.

The four men take her on a long drive into the woods. They settle down on seats and invite her to join them in a game of truth or dare. Veronica agrees before handing over a flask, which she secretly laced earlier in the night. The game turns deadly when the men turn her loose and begin hunting her through the woods in the same way they did dozens of other women, but things turn even deadlier when the men realize that Veronica is more of a threat to them than they are to her.

Final Girl is a strange movie. Though it had some good scenes and some interesting moments, I can't say that I really liked it. Abigail Breslin is a pretty damn good actress, but she doesn't do her best her. While some might say that her cold and icy demeanor works with the character, I can't help feeling like she's playing her role from Scream Queens. Wes Bentley isn't so great as William either. He has the same expression on his face through most of the movie.

It's also the kind of movie that gives viewers little in the way of resolution. How did William find Veronica? How did he manage to take her into his home and raise her? Did the group of guys, who look roughly the same age as Veronica, have something to do with the murders of his wife and child? Is there a reason they targeted various guys earlier in the film? How did they find out about this new group of guys? Why is the general public not talking about how women keep going missing from the same damn diner? Yeah, we get no answers to any of those questions.

Final Girl actually played more like an experimental film to me than anything else, and actually reminded me of Under the Skin at times. It was interesting to watch the first time but definitely not something I would seek out again.

The Sand Movie Review – This Sand is Deadly!

Runtime: 84 minutes

Release Date: October 13, 2015

Rating: ?

Director: Isaac Gabaeff

Take all of your favorite or not so favorite horror movie stereotypes, throw them into a massive beach party, and watch what happens when the sand turns deadly the next morning. That pretty much sums up The Sand.

Kaylee and her boyfriend Vance go to some random beach, have way too much to drink, and wake up with new partners the next day. She finds herself with the slightly dorky Mitch in the lifeguard shack, and Vance wakes up with his hookup in the front seat of his car. Everyone else slowly wakes up but realizes nothing is different except that their friend Gilbert is stuck inside a trash can further down the beach.

Things change when one of the gang decides to wander off down the beach and gets stuck in the sand. And by stuck in the sand, I mean that his hand gets stuck, he falls down, and the sand proceeds to start literally eating his face off. That leaves two people stuck in the lifeguard shack, three people stuck in the car, and one person in a trash can with something killer living in the sand all around them.

Here's the thing about The Sand. It's the type of movie that you see the cover for, roll your eyes, and wonder who the hell would actually rent it or watch it. Then you actually watch it and discover that it's actually a pretty damn good film. It had a great combination of horror elements that turn your stomach and funny moments that make you laugh your ass off.

When you look at the cover, you might see the name Jamie Kennedy on it, but don't hold your breath waiting for him to appear. He turns up maybe 30 minutes from the very end as an officer on beach patrol. He's only there to warn them about the beach being closed, make some jokes like, “why is Fat Albert in the trash?,” scoff at them for their claims about the sand, give them a possible out, and then fall victim to the sand. While he's not in the movie for very long, he easily had some of the best lines in the movie.

The body count isn't very high, but there are some great moments. There's a scene where a guy falls face first in the sand. When he starts to come up, he has tiny little white slug-like creatures hanging from his face. We then see his face literally begin melting off. His eyeball even drops from his face to the sand, which makes me wish I hadn't started reading The Hot Zone earlier that day.

We also get a scene of a guy using two surfboards in the hopes of getting to someplace safe. I actually winced a little when the surfboards started slowly moving away from him, leaving a very sensitive part of the male anatomy almost exposed to the sand. And don't even get me started on the character who gets her fingers caught in the trunk.

On the downside, The Sand started losing steam towards the very end. The special effects dropped off a little, making it seem like the producers didn't budget well enough. The ending itself was a little bit of a cop out too. It didn't have nearly as much power as the early parts of the movie did. Despite that, I have to say that I really enjoyed it. The Sand was comedy and horror gold.

The Visit – Be Mindful of Your Grandparents

Runtime: 94 minutes

Release Date: September 11, 2015

Rating: PG-13

Director: M. Night Shyamalan

Mom is, as the name implies, the mother of two young kids. Tyler is a wannabe rapper, and Becca wants to make movies. Years ago, Mom had a falling out with her own parents after deciding to run away from home to be with her boyfriend. After having two kids, he left her, and her parents reached out. Mom now wants to send her kids to stay with Nana and Pop Pop for a week, which Becca thinks will make an excellent movie. That's the setup for why she spends the whole movie filming things.

Nana and Pop Pop seem perfectly normal, at first. They talk about the volunteer work they do at the local hospital, watch them play around on their farm, and make them lots of food. Pop Pop warns them that bedtime is early every night and that they should never go downstairs after bedtime passes. Tyler later notices him hiding something in a small shed outside, which just turns out to be the diapers he has to wear. Their grandmother later scares the poop out of them (and me) by showing up as they play hide and seek under the house. More strange things begin happening, including Nana taking off her clothes and slamming her head against the wall or running through the house like a bear, leaving them to wonder exactly what is going on.

Let me get this out in the open right now: I really, really, really liked The Visit. I would say it's probably Shyamalan's best movie since The Sixth Sense. It shocked me when I saw the bad reviews it got and all the complaints people made about it. The Visit had his trademark horror and comedy combination. It left me laughing one second and shifting uncomfortably in my seat the next. Though I haven't seen many horror films in the theater this year, this is one that I'm glad I did see.

The actors playing Becca and Tyler annoyed the shit out of me, but I get the feeling that we're supposed to feel that way about them. Becca is incredibly pretentious and acts like she's the next Academy Award winning director, while Tyler's rapping is so bad that we actually groaned and wanted to throw stuff at the screen. Disliking those characters though actually adds to the movie. You get so distracted in disliking them that you completely forget that there is a twist coming. And let me tell you, I did not figure out that twist before it came. The movie was so engaging that I actually kind of forgot that there would be a twist.

The scenes with the grandmother are still as fresh in my mind as if I just watched the movie an hour ago. You definitely won't forget seeing an older woman's naked ass as she goes running through the house in the dead of the night. When Pop Pop finally took the time to explain to the kids what's wrong with her, which took a little too long, you just nod your head and figure that's the twist or at least why she acts so weird. Once the reveal finally did happen, I wanted to hit my head on the wall for not picking up on it soon.

I highly recommend The Visit, despite what some other reviewers say. Not only did I see it in theaters, I look forward to seeing it again to identify any lead up to the twist that I might have missed.

The Riverman – Wait, Cary Elwes Played Ted Bundy??

Runtime: 91 minutes

Release Date: September 6, 2004

Rating: NR

Director: Bill Eagles

Bruce Greenwood, who you might know from big time movies like Double Jeopardy, took some time away from the big screen to film this little known television movie about Ted Bundy. He apparently made it look so exciting that Cary Elwes decided to hop on board as the infamous serial killer himself.

This is usually the part where I do a whole plot outline, but there's really no need for one. This is based on the true story of both Bundy and Gary Ridgway, better known as the Green River Strangler. Ridgway confessed to killing more than 50 women and was convicted of killing nearly 50. He earned his nickname long before confessing to a single murder, and The Riverman tells the story of the police force tasked with finding the connection between a series of murdered women and eventually finding the killer.

Greenwood takes on the role of Robert Keppel, one of the most famous police detectives and criminal profilers in the world. As someone who is way too interested in serial killers, I actually have a copy of his most famous book sitting in my end table right now. Keppel turned to Bundy in the hopes of finding out what makes a serial killer tick and in the hopes of finding a way to catch the Green River Strangler. Believe it or not, those meetings actually did happen, which is what Keppel used in his book.

When I was just a wee little lass and not yet as in love with horror movies as I am today, I remember seeing a picture of Bundy on the cover of a magazine with a headline about his execution. I also remember my mom trying to change the subject when I kept repeatedly asking her about the man on the cover. It was years later when I picked up a copy of The Stranger Beside Me and learned all about his gruesome acts. BTW, I highly recommend all of Ann Rule's books for anyone who likes true crime stuff.

As for The Riverman, it was just kind of “meh” in my book. Greenwood is really the standout. He manages to show the heartbreaking work that Keppel did over the course of his career and how hard he worked to bring down the Green River Strangler. We even get to see the effects that his career had on his family and home life. The later scenes are a little distracting, mainly because the producers decided to cover him in cheap makeup in an attempt to look older than he really was.

While I really wanted to like Elwes as Bundy, there was just something off about his scenes. Though he's a good looking man in real life, he looked pale and a little psychotic in the film. Even while in prison, Bundy remained as sharp as a knife and was still able to trick people in the same way he did on the outside. Elwes seemed to forget he was playing a real man and wanted to just play a psycho killer.

Though The Riverman got some good reviews, I'm still on the hunt for a Ted Bundy story featuring someone who can actually deliver on the Bundy name.

Suspended Animation Movie Review

Runtime: 114 minutes

Release Date: December 25, 2001

Rating: ?

Director: John D. Hancock

Suspended Animation is like two, two, two movies in one.

Tom is one of the more popular animators working for some type of Disney studio when he decides to take off on a winter trip with some friends. After hitting the woods on snowmobiles, they become separated, and Tom accidentally crashes his in the woods and goes for help. An older woman answers the door and tells him that help will be there soon before introducing him to his sister and later promising that his friends will easily see the crashed vehicle.

Not long after they take him in, they quickly show their darker sides. While one sister is a little on the sweeter side, the other is dark and deadly. They tie him to a chair and talk about all the things they plan to do to him, which naturally include eating him. Though he tries to distract them with promises of making a movie based on them and creating animated characters that resemble them, they finally get him into the basement and begin doing everything they promised.

While that sounds like an interesting movie in its own right, Suspended Animation becomes something entirely different. After being rescued from the basement, his white knights kill one sister and claim they shot the other but no body is ever found. Tom then goes back to his old life with plans to turn his adventures into a new movie. When a new woman suddenly arrives in his life, he realizes that she may have a connection to what happened to him in the past.

Have you ever watched a movie where you loved the first half and tried to keep yourself awake for the second half? That's exactly how I felt about Suspended Animation. The first half, or at least the part of the film that took place with the sisters in the cabin, held my attention and kept me entertained. I loved seeing the way he tried to play the two of them and even turn them against each other. It was also interesting to see the dynamic between the three characters.

Though it started off a little slow, it didn't take too long before Tom realized that the sisters weren't quite as sweet or as innocent as he originally thought. All three actors in those roles did a great job of making you want to know what happened next. By the time the second half of the movie kicked in, I wasn't as interested anymore.

The second half deals with Tom meeting a woman who shows no interest in him and then suddenly wants to be his new BFF or at least FWB. There's a lot of confusing stuff that happened in the middle, with new characters arriving, the new girl keeping secrets, and basically me trying to figure out what the heck was going on. By the time it finally ended, I really didn't care too much what happened to anyone, which is sad because the beginning was so great.

Suspended Animation had a strong opening and then kind of faded away.

Poltergeist (2015) – The Remake We Didn't Need

Runtime: 93 minutes

Release Date: May 22, 2015

Rating: PG-13

Director: Gil Kenan

Eric and Amy are a married couple looking for a new house because Eric recently lost his job and they need to downsize. After finding a home in a new development, they move in their teenage daughter Kendra, younger son Griffin, and youngest daughter Madison. Though things seem fine at first, it doesn't take too long before odd things occur. Most of it seems directed at Griffin, including some odd clown dolls he finds hidden in his room.

Things come to a head when the couple decide to leave Kendra in charge of the kids for the night. Something unseen lures her into the garage, a tree outside comes to life and pulls Griffin out of the house, and poor Madison finds her new friends pulling her into the television. Though the parents at first try to find other excuses for what happened, they eventually turn to a doctor from the local college, her former partner, and her team to help them stop the poltergeist activity and bring Madison back home again.

A few days before watching the Poltergeist remake, I came across an article published late last year. The author wondered how they would possibly do the movie without the classic static in the television scene. You can rest assured that the scene definitely appears in this movie. Unfortunately, it really comes across as a remake that we didn't really need.

I checked out the forums before posting my review and read someone who stated it was completely unlike the original film. Hm, a movie about a little girl sucked into a ghostly portal through her television and paranormal activity happening in the house? Sure sounds like the original to me. On the other hand, someone else pointed out that it was more in the vein of Cabin in the Woods than the original Poltergeist, which might explain why I didn't like it, given that I wasn't a big fan of Cabin in the Woods either.

The Poltergeist remake seems like just another attempt to cash in and get fans of old school horror movies into theaters. There wasn't really anything new or exciting, and it didn't bring anything different to the table. A lot of people praised Sam Rockwell (Eric) for his role in the movie, which I didn't get either. He's a great comedic actor, and I can't look at him without thinking of Galaxy Quest, but he didn't do anything more with the role than anyone else would have. He's actually so generic that I can barely remember anything he did in the movie.

The opening plot of the movie didn't really make sense either. He lost his job, they have almost no money, but they somehow get the cash together to buy a new house? It might make sense if they rented a house, but they clearly buy this one. Cut to one scene later, and he has multiple credit cards turned down at the hardware store because they don't have any money left. If money is that tight, it seems like shopping for a new home should be the last thing on their minds.

The only really creepy/scary moments in the movie come from the damn clown doll. Then again, throw any clown doll at me and I'll probably run for the hills. The tree, which scared the crap out of me as a kid, was slightly scary here but nothing like in the original. Poltergeist just seems like one of those movies Hollywood should have left alone.

Thoughts and Observations on Scream Queens Episode 3 Haunted House

*Zeyday still thinks she has a shot in hell of stealing president away from Chanel, and even Chanel thinks she'll win. Since when do freshmen rushes even have a shot at running for president of a sorority house.

*Hester, still thinking she's hot shit from the makeover Chanel gave her, sets her sights on Chad. After a disturbing scene in which Chad finds the perfect grave to masturbate to and starts to drop his pants, she pops up and gives him a chub as she talks about getting turned on by dead bodies before deciding it isn't the right time.

*Well, it looks like we finally know what happened to Ms. Bean! Chad and Hester are unlucky enough to stumble across her body in a haunted house that Zeyday set up as a way to raise money for sickle cell anemia. The best moment came when Hester thought it was a replica, went to touch the leg, and her hand went right through the corpse. We also learn the fate of other characters like Coney and Chanel #2.

*Chanel has so many followers on Instagram that she celebrates Chanel-o-Ween instead of Halloween, which she says is something she'll keep doing when she's a big star. After seeing her send body parts and god knows what else to her followers, we get to see a hilarious moment with her riding around in a kids' battery powered car.

*Aw, Chanel really does have a heart! She comes thisclose to crying when she tells the other Chanels her fears on losing her presidency.

*Oh snap, Denise wanted to join the sorority! Zeyday confronts her with the truth, reveals that they pretty much didn't want a black girl, and announces that Denise has a motive to be the killer.

*The cops don't think that Jamie Lee is behind the killings, but the cop talking with her does think she makes an awesome heavenly hash. She throws herself at Wes again, this time telling him that he can be her date to the faculty party and that they will go as Little Bo Peep and her sheep.

*Grace and Pete dress up as characters from How to Lose a Date in 10 Days, which makes me wonder if Ryan Murphy has any idea what teens watch.

*They track down one of the former sorority sisters, who tells them that the dean made them get rid of the body to protect herself and them before making the girls leave school. Red Devil later attacks her and leaves her body at the haunted house, where police simply identify her as a Jane Doe.

*The baby was a girl! That means it can't be Pete or Chad, unless there's some Sleepaway Camp stuff going on. Grace confronts Wes because she thinks she was the baby. I'm beginning to think that would be the easy solution.

*They learn that someone took care of the baby in the same house where the haunted house is and that people referred to the woman as a hag. The end of the episode reveals that the hag in question was Gigi.

*I can't figure out what movie Wes made his class watch! It's clearly a Children of the Corn movie but not the first one. The sad thing is that I own them all.

*Ugh, Chanel and her minions flip out on some guy for whistling at them and calling them hot, which leads to them attacking him and beating the crap out of him. Given the way they act all the time, it seems like something they would just take as a compliment.

*I stand by my belief that Dean Jamie Lee is the killer. Knowing that she was there when they dumped the body and is the only one who knew what happened to the baby is more proof. I'm 99% sure I'm wrong though.

*I also stand by my belief that Scream Queens tries way too hard. It often feels like jokes are shoved down our throats and that the director/producers want us to act or think in a specific way. Thanks, but I can make up my own mind!

Killer Mermaid AKA Nymph

Runtime: 94 minutes

Release Date: August 24, 2014

Rating: R

Director: Milan Todorovic

Kelly is a journalist who is so busy that she never takes time for herself until her best friend and former college roommate Lucy convinces her to take a vacation. They had to a tiny Mediterranean island to meet Niko, who was Lucy's big love in college and Kelly's best friend. Not long after arriving, they find that Niko now has a girlfriend. After an awkward night of them all dancing together, Niko gets Lucy alone and has sex with her before basically pretending that it never happened.

That same day, they decide to take a boat trip together and get a little too close to an island that no one really talks about. They also meet one of Niko's friends, who clearly has the hots for Kelly but may want Lucy too. Frankly, the backstory isn't that interesting once you get past Lucy and Niko. Let's just say that a killer mermaid starts attacking and killing people. Except that I can't really say that because she's not a killer mermaid.

See, the killer mermaid in this story is actually a siren. She lures men, and sometimes women, in with the sound of her beautiful singing. It's not until they get up close to her that they realize she's actually some ugly monster that kind of looks like seal or maybe a walrus. We keep hearing over and over again that she's a mermaid when she's not a mermaid. It makes sense that other countries called this Nymph, but whoever decided to name it Killer Mermaid here just wanted to lure people in with the title. It bothered me, but man, did it ever bother my roommate. If you bring up this movie or he even sees it, he'll instantly tell you that she wasn't a mermaid.

With a name like Killer Mermaid, you might expect this to be one long movie filled with scenes of a mermaid swimming through the water and attacking people. You would be wrong. There are a few death scenes, but a lot of the action takes place off screen. We might get to a good point, only to have the movie jump back to one of the other characters hearing someone scream.

The best part about the movie was actually the two lead actresses. The woman playing Lucy did a good job with her limited role. She was basically there to be Kelly's best friend and mope over Niko, but she did much better than you might expect. I also liked the actress playing Kelly and the actor playing Niko. He came across as the perfect slimeball who had no problem cheating on his finance with another woman and then acting like he did nothing wrong.

While the acting was pretty much on point, Killer Mermaid didn't have a whole lot else going for it.

Return to Sender – Pales in Comparison to Gone Girl

Runtime: 95 minutes

Release Date: August 14, 2015

Rating: ?

Director: Fouad Mikati

Miranda is a single woman living in a tiny town who has little friends beyond her dad and some of the other nurses she works with. Though she is a talented cake artist and is in the process of buying a new home, her friends think she needs more in her life and set her up with a nice guy named Kevin. On the day of their blind dates, she hears a knock at the door and assuming that it's Kevin, she lets in the normal and slightly looking cute guy there. He quickly becomes irrational, chases her around her house, throws her down on the island in the kitchen, and rapes her.

The man, who we later learn is named William, runs off, leaving her blind date to come across her battered body. Though they catch William and send him to prison, Miranda finds that she can't get her life back together again. She develops a tremor in her hand that keeps her from decorating cakes and stops her from getting promoted to a better department in work, and she has to pull out of the new house because no one will buy her old house. Her agent even tells her that no one will buy it because of its bad reputation.

Miranda finally decides to take matters into her own hands and take back her life again. She paints her house, installs new shutters, and renovates her kitchen to make her house look brand new again. She also writes William a letter, which he sends back return to sender. After sending him dozens of letters, he finally agrees to see her. They begin writing each other, talking on the phone, and she visits him frequently. When William gets out of prison early, we learn why she formed a connection with a man like him.

You can't watch Return to Sender without comparing it to Gone Girl, but this movie is definitely no Gone Girl. All the elements are there, but it just feels like there's something missing. There are things like how Miranda takes the time to befriend her dad's dog. The dog never liked anyone, especially her, but she eventually spends time feeding it and caring for it. When the dog dies, we're left suspecting her of being the reason for its death even though we have no proof. I'm assuming it was put in there as a way to show what she's capable of but it's just kind of blah.

Nick Nolte plays her dad, and his talent is so under utilized that he's literally billed as Miranda's Father. We see him stumbling around everywhere, falling down all the time, and generally having health problems, but she basically just ignores him. He does have a great scene where he sees William in the hardware store and seriously contemplates attacking him with a bat. Unfortunately, that leads to a scene where he confronts Miranda and she lies right to his face before blowing him off.

While Rosamind Pike as Miranda wasn't the best, Shiloh Fernandez did a great job as William. There was a scene between him and his “roommate” in prison that left all three of us squirming in our seats.

Having loved both the book and movie of Gone Girl, I was looking forward to Return to Sender but, no pun intended, it didn't deliver. By the time it finally reached the point everyone waited for and wanted to see, it glossed right over her revenge.

Love in the Time of Monsters – 97 Minutes of Pure Entertainment

Runtime: 97 minutes

Release Date: March 8, 2014

Rating: NR

Director: Matt Jackson

Love in the Time of Monsters opens with two young girls at a tourist spot with their dad. When he dies an accidental death that was partially their fault, we jump to the present day. Carla and Marla are the two sisters from the very beginning. Marla is the angsty, likes to drink, slightly slutty sister, while Carla is the good girl. You can tell which one is which because the bad girl has dark hair and the blond girl is the good girl.

Carla dragged her sister to some crappy tourist trap where her boyfriend works to make some extra money. Since he's gone all the time, she wanted to surprise him. She lures her sister there with the promise of seeing their equally slutty and likes to drink friend. Turns out that their friend is now a by the books employee of Slavko who doesn't have time to deal with all their crap. Carla heads off to find her guy, leaving Marla to seek comfort in the arms of the bartender, the only relatively hot and non-gay guy in the hotel.

Kane Hodder, frankly I refused to learn his name, is part of a team of guys who dress up like Bigfoot and head into the woods. Tourists pay money to get a tour of the property and possibly run into one of these creatures. When one of the men wanders across a pool of what looks like toxic ooze, he gets infected and in turn infects all the other guys. When the Bigfoot dressed crew begin attacking, Carla, Marla, and the rest need to find a way to survive until help can arrive.

When we popped this movie in, my friends rolled their eyes and groaned. I picked it out without knowing a single thing about it and actually thought it was pretty funny from the very beginning. The others kept rolling their eyes and complaining for the first 20 minutes before they finally started laughing. It's the kind of movie that makes it very clear that the director and screenwriter have a deep love for horror movies and aren't afraid to poke fun at those films.

Even though it has a fairly mediocre rating online, Love in the Time of Monsters was one of the best horror films I've seen in months and one of the best horror comedies I've ever seen. Where else will you see Kane Hodder wandering around in a Bigfoot costume with a dazed look on his face as he randomly attacks people? It's also the type of movie where a moose will come out of nowhere and you will laugh but then realize that it's something you probably should have expected.

And let's not forget the random guy who lives in a cabin in the woods and manages to save one of our lead girls only to later reveal that he's secretly in love with the wife of the owner of the tourist trap. Or the fact that there's a guy called Dr. Lincoln who wears a Lincoln costume throughout the whole movie and is pretty much the only person who can save the day. While it didn't have a ton of jump scenes or scary moments, Love in the Time of Monsters is my favorite movie so far of the month!

Scream Queens Episode 3 – Chainsaw

*I love Charisma Carpenter and think that she just gets pretty as she ages. She must be taking some of those secret Hollywood supplements that Jamie Lee takes. When I read she would be on an episode, I was pretty excited. I ended up being a little disappointed that her role as Chanel #2's mom was so short.

*Is anyone really surprised that Chad is a man whore? So he dated multiple girls in the same sorority. You know what that means? It means he's a typical frat boy, not a murderer!

*Best scene ever, and one they will have a hard time topping, is poor Coney, the new school mascot. The scene with the Red Devil cutting through his costume made me go from laughing to gasping when he actually go through and blood came pouring out.

*When the frat brothers came walking out in their finest white clothing, I kept waiting for Everybody by the Backstreet Boys to pop up. No one in the history of the world ever looked threatening or menacing while wearing a white newsboy hat.

*It's nice to know that Denise carries around luminol just on the off chance that she might need to identify blood. However, I did like her spin on why she pushed her friend from her car.

*Denise thinks the killer is Zeyday! I highly doubt that, but who knows? The way this show is going, I half expect the killer to be Jamie Lee and that she's somehow actually the baby from the first episode or the mother of the kid who impregnated the sorority girl. I know she can't literally be the baby, but she could be the mother of the father. Let's say she had a son and told no one, and her son then came to her for help because he knocked a girl up. That would explain her interest in the whole story. Then, let's say that he killed himself out of grief at losing his kid and his girlfriend. That would definitely explain why she hates the sorority so much. Plus, if she had one of those weird mother/son relationships, it might explain why she likes sleeping with college guys...

*Chanel #2 keeps posting on Instagram while dead, which everyone somehow buys, even though she's clearly dead or at least passed out in the pictures.

*Chanel #3 revealing that she's the love child of Charles Manson made me groan. Can't she just be some weird chick? She's also getting a little too close with Predatory Lez for someone who repeatedly says she isn't a lesbian.

*Wes shows his class the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They all groan and roll their eyes, which is proof that kids today have no taste in movies. Like we needed more proof after the whole Twilight crap fest.

*Second best moment? Jamie Lee and Gigi move into the sorority house, she warns her to stay away from her man Wes, and then plays the loudest white noise machine in the world complete with serial killer sounds.

I'm sticking with my theory that Dean Jamie Lee is behind this, or at least until she dies soon...

The Shining Thoughts and Observations

Runtime: 146 minutes

Release Date: May 23, 1980

Rating: R

Director: Stanley Kubrick

*Let me preface this by saying that I am not a fan of The Shining, despite the fact that I own a copy. I actually own all of King's movies and all his books except for maybe the two most recent, but I've only actually watched The Shining maybe three times, including this most recent viewing.

*When Jack went into the room and the woman climbed out of the tub naked, some guys next to us started honking their horn like crazy and screaming, “tits!” over and over again. Needless to say, they got pretty quiet when she transformed into the other version of herself.

*I never realized quite how annoying some of the characters are in this movie! Wendy is so meek and whiny that I wanted to just punch her in the head a few times, and Danny is just a complete brat at times.

*The twin girls are oh so creepy, but I remember them being in a lot more scenes. They show up when Danny first arrives at the hotel and only appear maybe two more times, including one scene where they are dead on the ground.

*I'm a much bigger fan of the how the book ends. Jack winds up dying when the boiler in the hotel explodes, and Dick survives to get away with Wendy and Danny. The book also had some pretty cool scenes involving topiary animals that come to life. Kubrick switched the animals to a hedge maze because the animals would cost too much money.

*If you haven't see the television remake, I highly recommend it. It's obviously a lot longer, but it sticks more faithfully to the book and even ends in the same way.

*I scared the piss out of two women in a car a few rows back. They had never seen the movie before and were completely on edge. I was coming back from the bathroom, and they didn't see me until I was right at their window. One literally bounced right out of her seat. It gave me a secret thrill LOL.

*Dick is easily my favorite character in the movie, which is why his death actually made me pretty sad. I wish Kubrick stuck with the book ending.

*The most disturbing scene is probably the one that takes place in the room between Jack and the dead woman. It's far more gruesome than anything that happens to Danny.

*The Shining, like a lot of Kubrick films, goes on way too long. I went to the bathroom twice just because I couldn't handle sitting still for that long, especially given that there were large chunks of the movie where it felt like nothing happened.

Stick around for more thoughts and observations on classic horror films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and People Under the Stairs. Next weekend is a tribute to Wes Craven!